After a breakup, when do the places/songs/things/etc. that you associate with the relationship, stop hurting?

We've ended on good terms (moving to a different country permanently, which we knew from the start), and I know we will move on eventually. But sometimes I'll stumble on a song we listened to, pass a restaurant that we went to, or even see someone who looks barely similar, and all the emotions rush back and I want to cry, or actually cry. Does everyone go through this? When does it stop? How can I make it stop?

I've never been in a relationship that meant this much to me. I've had brief flings and casual dating before (max. a few weeks), but this is basically my first serious/commited/real relationship.


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What Guys Said 1

  • You can't make it stop like turning off a light switch. You may think to do the following things:

    Step 1: Feel the loss or void. It doesn't matter if it takes a day, week or month. Do not force away your thoughts from those feelings.

    Step 2: Accept the person is no longer with you, and would never come. Accept the heartburning emotions.

    Step 3: Focus on the good memories this person brought to your life. It's important not to dwell on the negatives otherwise that could cause you to relapse to anger.

    Step 4: Focus on things you would have loved more to experience from this person.

    Step 5: Remove items about him that may cause you to deny reality.

    Step 6: Set important activities to do daily. Focus on completing them. Activities focus your mind on positive emotions.

    Step 7: Remember something good is coming to you.

    Step 8: Let time be your best friend.

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    • How much time, in your experience?
      This is really amazing advice, especially to 2 and 5. but im just in so much pain right now, like everything reminds me of him. I can't possibly do another week of this, I'm trying to miss him less, but it only seems to get worse. How much longer?

    • Trying to miss him less means you are going against step 1. You must not avoid the loss or pain. Doing so only accentuates the pain. You must feel the pain. Don't turn your mind from it. I know is counter intuitive. Take as much time to feel the pain.

What Girls Said 1

  • It took me 3-4 weeks to finally not want to cry when a song would come on. It's tough. The memories never leave. It gets easier though. Especially when you finally do move on.

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