I know a bad secret about my ex's new girl. Not sure what to do?

him and I have been no contact outside of work for a while now

i know something about his girlfriend that will probably make him break up with her.

the few of us that know are afraid she will do something like this again and he'll find out. he seems the type that will be extremely depressed.

we care about him. the one person who could probably say something doesn't seem to want to tell him. I feel as the ex that I definitely should not say anything.

but I don't know if I should stand by and let him find out for himself. it seems cruel and I definitely would want to know asap if I was in that situation.

my other friend who knows about this suggests I should rekindle my friendship, so that I'll be there when things go down. I don't know how to approach him at work or if I should ever find him on AIM.

this has been on my mind every day now. please help.

  • None of you say anything. He'll find out eventually.
    Vote A
  • Tell him you're there for him and you're ready to be friends.
    Vote B
  • Tell him the secret and be there for him as a friend.
    Vote C
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
I know it seems silly I didn't just say the secret. Sorry, just paranoid. She cheated on him early on in the relationship. She might do it again.
Out of the 3 of us that know, the guy in the group is thinking about whether to tell him or not. My friend and I are not going to say anything. I really do not feel it is my place as the ex.. And my other friend was never close to my ex. He might not tell


Most Helpful Girl

  • First of all, you say that she cheated on him, but not how you know about it, or what kind of certainty you have. Are you absolutely sure, beyond all doubt so that you would stake your life on it, that she cheated? The only way you can be is if you personally SAW her having sex with another guy. Anything else is hearsay or rumour. And don't get me started on how unreliable circumstantial evidence is! If there are grounds for suspicion, be suspicious, but remember that suspicion and certainty are not the same thing.

    I think your instinct that you shouldn't say anything personally is a good one. As his ex, you're too close to this situation, and it sounds like you may have motives of your own for wanting to see them split up. Even if you are certain about the cheating, the person who delivers this news to your ex should be utterly disinterested and have only his concerns at heart. As the ex, you can't possibly be in that position. You may still have feelings for him, or you may simply want him to realize that his new relationship isn't 'all that', but in either case, you have a personal stake in his reaction which means you can't be the selfless confidante he needs.

    Finally, telling someone bad news on AIM is never a good idea. People need those that care and love them around when they deal with these things - computer chat is too slow, and too impersonal. It doesn't allow hugs, tissues, or ice cream binging sessions!

    I would talk to friends about this and see if you can come up with a collective plan of action to deal with the situation. Listen to other people - and be prepared to take their advice, especially if they don't think it's a good idea to say anything because there isn't enough evidence. Good luck.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • You may as well say what the secret is..

    Anyway, I think he needs to find out sooner rather than later, one way or another.

  • tell him

    • It's up to my friend now. I think he should tell him but I won't force him to.

  • its anonymous just ay the secret

  • I assume that she is cheating, right? I think you should tell him. I know I would want to know of any wrongdoing done by my girlfriend/wife. I think you should tell him in person if you could.


What Girls Said 3

  • It sounds like you are happy that you have found out this "secret" of his new girl and are trying to find your place back in his heart through a bad situation. My advice is leave it someone else it's defenitely not your place.

    • I'm sorry to give that impression, but I was actually devastated and haven't been able to sleep well when I heard this. I'm with you on leaving it alone, but I'm worried about how this will affect him when he finally finds out. thanks for your comment.

  • yea he deff needs to know that.. if my man was cheatin on me and someone knew and didn't tell, id be pretty pist

  • i wanna know what the secret is!

    sorry I'm nosy


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