him and I have been no contact outside of work for a while now
i know something about his girlfriend that will probably make him break up with her.
the few of us that know are afraid she will do something like this again and he'll find out. he seems the type that will be extremely depressed.
we care about him. the one person who could probably say something doesn't seem to want to tell him. I feel as the ex that I definitely should not say anything.
but I don't know if I should stand by and let him find out for himself. it seems cruel and I definitely would want to know asap if I was in that situation.
my other friend who knows about this suggests I should rekindle my friendship, so that I'll be there when things go down. I don't know how to approach him at work or if I should ever find him on AIM.
this has been on my mind every day now. please help.
- None of you say anything. He'll find out eventually.Vote A
- Tell him you're there for him and you're ready to be friends.Vote B
- Tell him the secret and be there for him as a friend.Vote C
Most Helpful Girl
First of all, you say that she cheated on him, but not how you know about it, or what kind of certainty you have. Are you absolutely sure, beyond all doubt so that you would stake your life on it, that she cheated? The only way you can be is if you personally SAW her having sex with another guy. Anything else is hearsay or rumour. And don't get me started on how unreliable circumstantial evidence is! If there are grounds for suspicion, be suspicious, but remember that suspicion and certainty are not the same thing.
I think your instinct that you shouldn't say anything personally is a good one. As his ex, you're too close to this situation, and it sounds like you may have motives of your own for wanting to see them split up. Even if you are certain about the cheating, the person who delivers this news to your ex should be utterly disinterested and have only his concerns at heart. As the ex, you can't possibly be in that position. You may still have feelings for him, or you may simply want him to realize that his new relationship isn't 'all that', but in either case, you have a personal stake in his reaction which means you can't be the selfless confidante he needs.
Finally, telling someone bad news on AIM is never a good idea. People need those that care and love them around when they deal with these things - computer chat is too slow, and too impersonal. It doesn't allow hugs, tissues, or ice cream binging sessions!
I would talk to friends about this and see if you can come up with a collective plan of action to deal with the situation. Listen to other people - and be prepared to take their advice, especially if they don't think it's a good idea to say anything because there isn't enough evidence. Good luck.0