OH $hit.. He's MARRIED?

I found out the man I've been dating for the past 8 months is MARRIED!! I'm so hurt, angry, and emotional. He did NOT tell me he's married & never gave any indication that he is. I confronted him & basically he's too much of a jerk to apologize or face me for what he's done. I feel bad for his wife but she's mad at me, when she should be angry with HIM bc I did NOT know. I fell in love with who he pretended to be bc obviously I don't know the REAL him at all. I feel so filthy & used. How do I get past this pain?

Updates:
Well unfortunately, I found out I'm pregnant. He's coming to my appointment with me but he has caused me so much stress I don't even want him in the room with me. He's so disrespectful and doesn't give a damn about my feelings even though he caused this. He feels he only owes his wife an explanation & apology, but doesn't owe me the same. I'm depressed

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Most Helpful Guy

  • A bucked of Ben and Jerry's and Romantic Comedies... I'm just kidding. Anyway, you just need some time to re-evaluate what went wrong and what were the signs he was giving to "trick" you? Realize what you missed, learn from them, and ultimately, try again. You probably need to hang out with your girl friends and have a little fun.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • This happened to a friend of mine. They had been dating a few months And he went on vacation for 2 weeks. She found out months and months later that the vacation was him going home and getting married/his honeymoon. She ended up pregnant. He moved hI'm and his wife to another state and she never heard from him again. My friend ended up dropping out of grad school upon the news of the pregnancy, moving home with her parents, and became a stripper. I'm not even joking.

    It's going to hurt. There's no getting around that. But every time you want to blame yourself or think it was something you did... you look at yourself in the mirror and remember you are awesome and he is absolute scum. Truly. It will take time; but one day you will have a moment when you realize he isn't worth a single thought or tear. You'll know what you learned from the situation and how it made you a better person. Always learn from everything you do, and that is how you win at life.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • Knife, gun, poison.. so many options.
    No, all kidding aside, you need to tell his wife every last detail. He will still not suffer as much as you have, but it will be SOME consolation.

    I don't know how this happens so frequently.. what about his phone number, your meetings at hidden locations, etc.. there had to be many signals if you were halfway paying attention.

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  • Time can only help it now it's Gonna be very painful for a while. He is scum for doing that to his wife and to you. So sorry to hear that's messed up

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    • Yea I feel so sad.. I tried talking to him about it & he's cold.. I didn't matter at all..

    • I'm so sorry, if you need to talk I'm happy to help

  • You should be Hurt, This fucker disregarded his vows and hurt both women who care for him.
    He deserves neither. Leave him and threaten to tell his wife

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  • First contact his wife, tell her that you're god damn srs that you don't even know he had a wife, then you tell her that you want him to be punished... pretty sure it's both a good way for revenge and not get you hated by his wife.

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  • First, you should realize its not YOUR fault! You didn't know! move on, find another man. Get over him, it was not your fault. as long as you ended it once you found out. and if so good for you. Move on you did nothing wrong

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  • Got you beat chic. My girlfriend of 7 years had a guy living with her the last two years.

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  • tell his wife and let her screw with him

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What Girls Said 5

  • You have to realize that he didn't tell you for a reason and majority of your relationship he has been lying to you. Never settle for less, he's the jerk and she's the idiot for sticking it out with him.

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    • Yes. Thanks. It really sucks

  • Focus on the fact you're not his wife and you can walk away from him with out the mess she's left with.

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  • Just ignore him. Ignore the fuckin world. You did nothing bad he was just a liar and I swear some people are so stuipd! I don't understand why they marry if they don't want to be honest and with themselves.

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  • Not the most positive comment here, but from personal experience... I like to learn from negative experiences, but sometimes shit happens and all you can do is leave it in the past and move on.
    You're clearly a loving and honest person so you will be fine.
    Time heals all wounds, and good friends and keeping busy definitely help too.

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  • Sweetheart, you shouldn't feel filthy, angry or hurt for someone that's not worth it. Truth is, you didn't know he was married, you were trying to do what every human is born to do, to be happy. Obviously he doesn't deserve your tears, pain or guilt neither his wife deserves that. She will have to deal with him but is up to her if she wants to keep a man like that. You will be ok, time always heals!

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    • Well unfortunately, I found out I'm pregnant. He's coming to my appointment with me but he has caused me so much stress I don't even want him in the room with me. He's so disrespectful and doesn't give a damn about my feelings even though he caused this. He feels he only owes his wife an explanation & apology, but doesn't owe me the same. I'm depressed

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