How do you conquer loneliness?

I am seriously struggling with the lonelyness of being single, its destorying me and causing me to think about my ex and the relationship a lot more frequently- not all the time though. I cry sometimes not all the time but when i do its more so at night. *Its been four months since we ended*

Im not interested in dating anyone else at the moment, In a way im to scared to get into another one, im also not completly over my ex so I feel as if that would be using another person. And last but definitily not least Im moving to Canada for a year in May. It would be pointless and would only cause hurt when I leave OR will stop me from taking this amazing opportunity I have been given. Just to be clear im not completly stopping myself from finding someone but im not going to go out of my way to get one just so im not lonely- im still keeping my heart open.

Does anyone have any tips that can help me conquer this lonelyness, most of my friends are in relationships. I really need to make more friends- which im hoping to do in Canada. I spend so much of my time either working, or at home which gives me so much time to overthink everthing. Occasionally go out drinking every other weekenk though.

Advice would be great- thanks!

What have you done to get through it?
Have any tips?
Have you been in a situation like this?

Updates:
Just to be clear I don't want to be in a relationship I'm happy being single. I just get lonely and I've noticed this since I recently became single.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honestly I completely understand how you feel. I never used to feel loneliness actually. People used to think it was weird how I never cared about it. Now I just want to go out and make loads of friends and meet women. I can't stand being alone lately. Like I can't think straight. My mind just goes to horrible places especially lately because something kind of traumatic happened to me when I was younger and this is the time of year it happened.. It's the Internet so I might as well be honest.. I was touched inappropriately by an older male student when I was younger over a period of time and it kind of fucked me up when it comes to trust and intimacy. I probably should get therapy to work through it but that's expensive lol

    Anyway just try to go out and new people and distract yourself from your thoughts. People can really drive themselves crazy I've learned. Hang around positive people who can make you smile and try to meet a few quality people you can bare your soul to. The latter has been wicked helpful to me.

    Good luck and you're not alone! I believe in you! ❀️

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Most Helpful Girl

  • I had been alone for two years after my ex dumped me for no reason. I went through a lot of pain and pursued him relentlessly without him telling me he doesn't care about me anymore.

    My advice is to stop and focus on his negatives. "Oh he was a good kisser BUT he also did ditch me that one time" and realise you two will NEVER get back together.

    Focus on yourself. Learn new things about yourself. Take risks. Try new things. Grow.

    When you go to Canada continue focusing on your new life.

    After suffering the two years I dyed my hair red and started a new life. Yes I wasn't over him but I just erased him from my life. I met someone new too and although I didn't want to date them (for all the reasons you just stated) I did. It took a while to adjust and for me to get over my ex but it occured.

    Remember dont let the past get to you. Focus on the future.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 23

  • Doesn't sound like being single is the problem here. The problem is that you have no friends and feel lonely, just like you said.

    You can still remain single and try to make friends. You can also get some hobbies and interests that you can do alone or in group. You could perhaps try different kinds of team sports, that will likely get you new friends.

    Also realize that there is nothing wrong with being single. It's easy to get trapped in the thinking that it is a problem that needs to be fixed asap, especially when all around you are in a relationship.

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    • I have friends just most of them are too focused on there relationships which is fair enough. I just need to make some more friends. It's completely the loneliness but I've only ever been like this single I became single recently.

      Yeah I know, like I said in my post I have no interest in getting into a relationship- I want to be single. I think that's a good idea I should start doing some activities to meet new people.

      I don't want to be in a relationship I have plenty of time for that in the future, I just want to make more friends and to occupy my mind to stop me from having thoughts of wanting to get back into one.

  • Although I am younger, I know how you feel. I sometimes get down about how I don't have a girlfriend, but I've just learn to forget about it until every half month or so I just ponder on the idea and feel sad. Basically I don't really have a way to get rid of it, but I desigbnte specific times to feel bad. I know it sounds petty, but it works for me. Good luck and feel better!

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  • Keep busy, focus on what you enjoy, all those cliche lines.
    If you can embrace it, your relationships in the future will improve too.
    Summers here, so go out and enjoy it. Easy to meet people during the next few months.

    Ohhh, That looks so much like a Perth back yard πŸ™ŠπŸ™ˆ

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  • Just learn to truly value your time you spend alone. Use it to improve yourself. You don't need the validation of some dude to know you're worth something. Affection is nice and it can hurt not having it but use that pain to make yourself stronger. I don't mean become jaded and try to become numb to that pain but just let the pain pass through you and don't give up. It's ok to feel lonely. It doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. And know that just because other people are in relationships does not mean they are happy. It doesn't mean they are sad either but it's not automatic they feel loved all the time.

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  • Get a pet. Most pets like cats and dogs will help with negative emotions and loneliness. Remember to really care for your pet and make sure your pet can cuddle with you. Don't pick birds or other pets that you can't hug.

    Read some novels. I like adventures and action with fantasy elements. The more immersed you are in the world of that novel, the less you will hate about your world.

    Meditation. The old school style. Not the crazy new age with music. Just sit comfortably and think. How to get rich, what to do with life, why something something, then finally just feel and keep your mind blank.

    Being an introvert and loner, I have no problem with being lonely. I do feel lonely sometimes but I just read and write some novels.

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  • Alcohol, lots of alcohol! Hahhaha, just kidding of course. Obviously you just got over a bad break up and you have a heart break issue it sounds like. You just need to continue with life, keep doing what you love, hang out with friends and family, keep that mind occupied because when you think about your previous relationship, that is when you feel lonely. You're a pretty girl, seem sweet to you'll find someone right for you, your young so you have plenty of time for relationships, so don't worry yourself about it!

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  • Learn to ride a motorbike. You'll still feel lonely, but you'll feel happy being alone and get used to the feeling of being alone. I just turned 27 and have never had a girlfriend (social anxiety and depression saw to that), it really gets me down, makes me feel horrible, cause I crave the physical touch and emotional connection that I've never had the chance to get, that others have, but when I just get on my bike and ride somewhere random, I'm just really happy in a way that nothing else can compensate for.

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  • The most preferably thing you can do right now is to not focus on loneliness and instead focus on directing your thoughts.

    You see, we are all managed by The Law of Attraction, which states, whatever you think you attract unto yourself. Which means that the thought that you think, in this case your lonelyness attracts more negative thoughts. The lonelyness thought becomes your point of attraction.

    Depending on how long you've had this thought, your thought process will make that thought your point of attraction AND your mind will start creating by default. In other words, you've made a habit of making that thought your point of attraction and it'll take time to think good thoughts.

    Now then, now that you got (hopefully) a better understanding of your thought process. Now let me make one thing clear. Only you and I repeat, ONLY you can control your own thoughts, if you believe you can you will but if you don't think can, you can't. Period. Law of attraction will simply attract more thoughts to your current thought.

    Now, my only advice fo you is this, first of all. Think of the things that you WANT to have in life and focus on those thought/s because since you know what kind of thoughts you DON'T want you can simply direct your thoughts to what you do WANT.

    When do I know that I am focusing on the a good thought and its working?

    Follow your Emotional Guidance System, meaning your emotions. If you focus on the good thoughts and feel good and warm inside your body you are focusing on the positive thought.

    And if you tell yourself or me that "I can't, It's not working" then that will be your point of attraction and keep thinking of good thoughts and understand that you can control them.

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  • Sounds like you've got a lot going on. Moving to a new location should help alleviate some of these issues since you'll have plenty of other things to think about. Being single doesn't mean you have to be lonely. Try making an extra effort to go out and do things, whether it's with your friends or not, as you'll most certainly make some new ones anywhere you go. If that idea doesn't float your boat then maybe try picking up a new hobby or two so you will have something to focus on at home and keep you from feeling the loneliness.

    Another thing to consider is that perhaps these feelings of loneliness and attachment to an ex are actually related to something else. Perhaps a parent left when you were young or you had a traumatic event that has made you become more dependant upon those around you - these feelings may be something more deep seated. Anytime your feelings are impacting your life in a negative way it can be beneficial to speak with a counsellor who can help you navigate through them more specifically and come up with a solution that will help you have a more positive experience.

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  • Honestly, i have never sated or been in a relatiinship. You just have to work through it. Do somethung to occupy your mind. I learned how to make an electric guitar last summer and now i am trying to make an electric bass.

    I also play guitar, i write songs, record them. Here is so much you can do, you just need an interest

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  • Just love to America, we go crazy over Aussie accents

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  • You cannot let your past to stuck your future growth development. Don't let the past haunt you. That's an old saying!

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  • I don't know to be honest. But please fell free to message me, I'll literally talk about anything and I won't hit on you (cause you don't want a relationship)

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  • I workout, get high and write. I'd get a dog if I was able too.

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  • Shrug your shoulders and get on with it. You can tolerate a lot of things if you just accept them.

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  • It takes time, you'll get there and remember it's ok to be lonely sometimes.

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  • You buy Fallout 4.

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  • Wow, people cannot take only four months of being single.

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    • I guess i should be grateful for my situation, at least i have some endurance.

    • Did you even read my description I'm HAPPY being single! I don't want a relationship AT ALL. I wanted tips to get over the lonely was WITHOUT getting into another relationship.

  • You need to become happy with your self first

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  • I give in and come out the pounds heavier next week.

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  • meh, some win, some lose. duuh.

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  • You are moving to Canada? Prepare yourself for some more loneliness...

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    • Yes on a working visa at a ski resort, I'll be surrounded by heaps of people everyday. I won't get lonely

    • Oh, in that case... Good for you.
      My only advice would be not to turn to alcohol or drugs because I did due to similar problems and I deeply regret it now. The only thing important in your life is you.

  • its never an easy thing to go through. I lost my girl in a car accident 5 years ago and not a day goes by where i don't think of her and i miss her touch so much. Even writing this is making my eyes water. Its hard to go through but just focus on things you like, like hobbies and work. Just try to keep your mind occupied and hopefully you will do just fine :)

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What Girls Said 4

  • It's just a process of learning how to be comfortable on your own, even without friends to see 24/7. There's no right or wrong way to deal with it I guess (as long as you don't hurt yourself and others). You just have to realize that being alone =/= being lonely. You should be able to be by yourself without feeling the need to fill some kind of void, the void should be filled on its own by you.

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  • Get involved in extracurricular activities, hang out with friends/family, stay active. More importantly, don't be afraid to get out there and meet other people, even if it's just to make some new friends. Everything will be alright -xx

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  • Well forever alone hereπŸ˜…πŸ‘‹
    I do a lot of sports, see my family a lot, hang out with friends, and univ drains me honestly.
    Music helps too.
    Trybdoing new activities. It ll take your mind off of it. Plus you learn new skills and socialize with peeps sharing commin interest.
    Please do know that most of us pass through lonely phases :/ so good lck :)

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  • u don't u find a hobby involving people

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