What do you think is the main cause of the breakdown of most relationships/ marriages?

What do you think is the main cause of the breakdown of most relationships/ marriages?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • People not knowing how to include their differences in a relationship. Which, mean both people need to learn how to do what each other like. Some people want to only do what they like to do which is selfish.
    Another thing is trust. You have to be able to trust a person when you are not around that person.
    Last, I would like to say don't stop doing the things you did when you first meet a person. Some people stop doing things because they been together for so long. Keep the relationship and try to do a lot of things together to build a bond with each other. This will make a better friendship, communicator, and relationship bonding together. People spend more time on social media and not with each other and thats the biggest problem why people can communicate efficiently because they are communicating with social media too much.

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Most Helpful Girl

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What Guys Said 44

  • Both presuming they are naturally monogamous and equating the initial stages of puppy love via the release of oxytocin--which make you believe this person is the greatest person ever--as real love, when it is simply your brain's way of encouraging you to have sex with a good prospective mate--then ending up being disillusioned 6 months to 2 years later when the oxytocin stops flowing as much and you notice the others flaws, as your brain tells you to move on to a different mate because this one is either sterile or impotent: unless they really, really tried and lasted 4 years and married and divorced, to eventually repeat the same thing over and over again rationalizing the inevitable outcome as "well, they weren't 'the right one' ".

    Humans are naturally 'serial monogamists'. Which I think is a joke from whomever coined that term. An example of true monogamy would be geese. They have one mate for life, even if it dies, they do not move on and find another one. Serial monogamy is jumping from partner to partner, via any amount of time: the only requirement is one at a time (which, arguably, males are not naturally--just ask them if they want a threesome: the answer is yes, they do, and they're just hiding it from you because they think you'll disapprove). In other words, if I slept with one woman per night, I would still be considered a serial monogamist, and not a polyamorous person. Serial monogamy is closer to polygamy/amory than it is true monogamy, in my opinion.

    This is naturally for younger people, mostly, especially 18-21 year olds, who get married because they confuse what real love is. Older people might repeat the same mistakes, for older women 40s-50s, it might be rushing a marriage out of a sense of uterine time bomb and marrying any male who asks, then not really wanting to be with them. The hot spot, I think, is marriage or a relationship in the 30s where both people can more rationally approach the subject and not immediately throw in their all because of the aforementioned oxytocin--along with a willingness and understanding that people make mistakes and such. Although, women in their mid to late 30s might feel the time bomb coming on and feel like they need to rush to find a man. Not uncommon.

    And, I think many people--I don't know how many--expect everything to be Disney. As if no mistakes will be made. I think they aren't prepared to deal with mistakes in a relationship. Just "You don't love me, because you F'd up."

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  • The main cause is as followed:

    1) Loss of gender roles.

    2) People looking out for superficial and shallow things that are good for flings and short term relationship. But ultimately lose value or become unimportant as relationship becomes stabilized. They also overlook things like personality, stability, loyalty, sexual history, and so forth that become important for LTR.

    3) Hypergamy. People are entitled and looking for the next best thing. Ready to jump ship if something they percieve better comes along no matter how many years they spent/sacrificed with that person.

    4) People want self gratification now more than ever and don't like working hard which is needed to keep relationships.

    5) Brainwash by hollywood and media on what an ideal relationship/partner should be through advertising, tv shows and movies.

    6) Social media and internet. Inflated women's egos so much and made it so easy for them to have another guy wanting to be with them that they are very quick to leave their partner for another and deem that they should do so. As many media outlets preach that "You should have it all" when it comes to women.

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  • Lack of communication and being honest with each other.

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    • I actually think that I don't ever want to get married anyway. I want to stay alone. In my own little world with my pets.

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    • I am sorry about the abuse you have faced by a lot of woman. Some people have no conscience and they don't care about other peoples feelings. πŸ˜–

    • Yeah that is what it is and then they moan and complain the other gender does not want to date them.

  • I've been meaning to post on this for a while.

    I can think of a few reasons.

    The first is that they rely TOO MUCH on "compatibility". A relationship is co-educational. What I mean by this is that relationships take time, sacrifice, effort, experience, but above all, choice. The reason why I've started to have such a problem with people saying "we need to do x, y, and z to find out if we're compatible with each other" is that it reduces, and in some cases I would say completely removes the aspect of responsibility.

    To expand on that, I would say that this mindset limits the individual's openness to change and, by extension, the couple's openness to growth with and for each other. The person is an infinity unto his or her self. We all have our innermost thoughts and feelings that we can't find ways to express. For example, in the movie Contact, there's a scene in which the character is outside the galaxy, looks at it, and says "They should have sent a poet" and starts crying.

    Compatibility should be more of a guideline, a guideline which allows us the freedom of choice. Because of this, I believe that commitment and marriage are things that become a logical step rather than a decision. The problem I see is that people see it as a rule. What this does is place limits on that which is limitless. Love is a decisive process, not a destination.

    With that being said, another significant problem I see is how easy we've made it to end a marriage with no-fault divorces and the "irreconcilable differences" excuse (I'll refer you to everything else I've said so far). That and reduced expectations.

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  • I have heard that the main cause is stress caused by a lack of money, and then cheating is the second most common reason. I have a feeling that the next most common reasons is miscommunication. One or both people assume the other person understands something that they don't. Then they start to get resentful thinking the other person just doesn't care.

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  • Well it's difficult to single out one reason, there can be plenty of reasons as to why relationships, like marriage breaks down:

    1. Loss of effective communication.

    2. Loss of trust.

    3. Attraction outside marriage, Cheating/infidelity ( one of the most common causes)

    4. Constant lying to your partner.

    There can be many more reasons of course.

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  • Pressure of jobs , children, unsafe and unstable society in general. A sense of unease is 'normal' in our US society these days, and this eats away ay your sense of self-worth, slowly but surely.

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  • There's so many reasons one thing is that people are getting married when they are very young without experiencing life first. I have met multiple people who were divorced by 23 insane. Other than that it's the usual relationship killers no communication, lack of time for each other, social media has done wonders for destroying relationships from cheating to putting your problems on social media which is never a good idea. You both had different ideas what you wanted for your long term goals or they changed. Fighting over children some people want them and other people don't want any. Money is always a big factor, the fact people tend to get lazy in relationships and don't put as mucg effort into it anymore when they're a couple. Sometimes self-esteem issues that's usually why people cheat or have a wondering not to mention people just can't tell the difference between infatuation and love.

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  • Since I view only marriage as relationship, I will talk in terms of marriage:
    1) Most important -- lack of tolerance in the 2. At least one has to be passive and tolerant type. But the other has to respect that instead of nagging and challenging patience all the time.
    2) Lack of respect: One person (usually guys) being the over dominant type who do not treat a wife like a human being.
    3) Lack of trust: If you do not trust each other and if that reaches a level where you literally feel the need to spy on the other, it will not work out.
    4) Infidility: of course.
    5) Something that is on the rise in modern society: the independence and professional progressiveness of women. Now that they feel they can stand on ther own feet, their tolerance is not at the level where it used to be.

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  • Self Entitlement - (mostly from females)
    Infidelity - (Equally both genders)
    Substance abuse - (Mostly Men)
    Domestic Violence - (Mostly Men)
    Financial Problems - (Both genders)

    I think those are the main 5 right there. As for people saying sex, if the sex was bad, there wouldn't be a relationship or a marriage to begin with. Unless you saved it for marriage. The only exception would be if one partner simply lost their sex drive, which does happen. Usually the one who wants it simply stays married, but gets it elsewhere.

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  • Many Men can't get the women they desire and so settle instead. hence me tons of married men on Ashley Madison, work affairs, prostitute visits etc. the other reason is people just change over time. who knows, today you swear by monogamy then after 5 years you want a threesome? You may like black now but love purple later.

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  • Losing faith in the idea of the relationship. Any number of things, usually a combination of them, can lead to this. But when faith begins to die, so does the relationship. For it is then built on... what, exactly?

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  • A breach in trust would be a prime cause of the decay in a relationship

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  • Well it started in the 1960's with women's liberation (feminism). Some years ago Nick Rockefeller admitted that the Rockefeller family were the ones who funded feminism in order to break up families and divide men and women. It had nothing to do with equality. The hidden agenda was to destroy marriage and family. The laws were also changed so that women could benefit financially from a divorce. Fathers' rights were also diminished, and women were encouraged through the media and education system to abandon marriage and motherhood and focus more on education and career. Family court judges were also given more powers over parents' children. On top of that, society became more and more sexualized and sleeping around was no longer shameful. So basically it all comes down to mass media brainwashing and the corruption of family courts, making divorce as easy as possible and taking away father's rights and empowering women to not need a man.

    Like I said, the people behind this agenda were rich powerful men. Google "feminism and the Rockefellers" and research it for yourself. The breakdown of marriage and relationships isn't an accident. It has all been planned.

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  • General incompatibility.

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  • Because people don't have to put up with each other anymore, they leave. No marriage is a fairytale, and all of them eventually become a kind of a roommate relationship where you have to put up with each other signficantly compared to the moments of love and acception. So, when the door is open, people simply leave.

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  • lack of communication, inability to let things go, and an easy access to other potential dating partners. With things like face book, tinder, and harmony its just easier to drop what you have with one person and start something new with another!

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  • People get married to people they shouldn't. Girls do so they can prove to the world that there is nothing wrong with them. Men do so they don't have to pull for sex anymore. Eventually everyone realises what a mistake it is and get a divorce.

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  • Dishonesty. Communication is key and the principle of communication is to assure honesty.

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  • Money. Accounts for 70% of all breaks down in marriages.

    Don't underestimate economic pressure. It's not a one time thing. It's a constant thing that seem to plague you day after day. It makes every mistake you and your partner make much more difficult to forgive. It terrifies you so much you can't even open your mail.

    It makes every set back in your life, even minor mistakes much much more difficult to over come. It's like playing the game in nightmare mode. You will always feel tired, unhappy, more stressed, humiliated... What you can do is limited. Your future looks dark and grimp.

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  • lack of communication / expressing true feelings.

    I see it all the time jesus.

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  • Lack of communication/ bad decision making too

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  • loss of trust.. when that is lost the relationship can go south with it sometimes

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  • The fact that most people are incapable of monogamy.

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  • For marriages it always comes to sex or money. For newer relationships it's some unattractive feature or communication problems.

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  • Getting bord of eachother

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  • infatuation and appreciation of each other or by one is gone.

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  • People lose Interest, they lack the Passion.

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  • Selfishness? That's like, the golden reason.

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  • Money, infidelity and pudding.

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What Girls Said 21

  • Probably lack of commitment in the first place. People give up on their relationships so easily these days. In my opinion, as long as nothing serious happens (such as abuse, cheating, etc.) then I'm going to talk it out and work on it, not just break up or divorce.

    When I get married, that's for life. So that also means I'm not going to get married quickly, I want to really know the person I'm going to spend my life with. Some marriages fail because the couple rushes into it without truly knowing who they are marrying, or they get married too young without realizing all that marriage entails.

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  • Unrealistic expectations and pointing fingers. People think that if relationship is not perfect and not running smoothly all the time, that it means that they're not meant to be and that it will be perfect and will run smoothly all the time with someone else. When the truth is, is that it's gonna be EXACTLY the same with someone else, it's just that you're gonna have kids or something else in your life that is gonna make your relationship less of a priority, basically you gonna chill the fuck on because you're gonna have other things to worry about, so it won't really matter if he forgot your birthday or if she acts crazy sometimes. That's why the older we get the more we tend to settle down, ain't nobody got time or energy for screwing around anymore. Anyone can be "the one", it's just the timing and your point of view at the time. Looking back, I used to breakup for such a stupid reasons that could've been easily fixed. Few years from now I'm gonna think the same about things that are happening right now.

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  • Poor communication-judgement, lying, assumptions, trust issues

    Social Media- easier to find other people that could be a potential partner, easier to lie or cheat/keeping certain things private

    I once read on humans of New York, this old couple was asked how they've had such a successful marriage, and they said "Because we come from a generation that fixes something if it's broken, not throw it away."
    Which is very true nowadays. Our obsession with perfection and instant gratification leaves no space for imperfect people or chances for relationships to be fixed.
    If something gets too hard, couples just give up.

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  • -Cheating / Infidelity

    -Bad communication

    -Loss of physical attraction

    -Not making enough time for each other (jobs, work, school etc.)

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  • People forget to date each other. Dating is where in the beginning you are trying to impress the other person but also its quality time alone and where you tend to communicate. If you have mutual hobbies or passions it is better again because it gives you happiness and a bond.

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  • There are many causes and assuming both partners are mentally healthy, these are the main causes:

    1. Lack of faith in relationships: self-fulfilling prophecy

    2. Lack of determination or will power to make things work no matter what.

    3. Entering a relationship for the wrong reasons or wrong expectations: the strongest relationships involve couples who want and are committed to sharing the bad and the good experiences TOGETHER. It's about teamwork.

    4. Lack of communication or the wrong type of communication: don't expect your partner to read your mind and don't consider yelling an effective form of communication.

    5. Egos: be willing to put aside your ego and be the first to apologize even if it's not your fault

    6. Lack of support and respect: healthy couples inspire each other to pursue goals, not talk you down and make you feel worthless.

    7. Lack of sexual compatibility: if one wants more and the other less, there's gonna be some tension

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  • Loss of trust, which can be a result of infidelity, is the final straw.
    Obviously there are a lot of underlying issues in a relationship where cheating happens, but I think that is the final act that breaks up a lot of marriages.

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  • miscommunication or lack of communication would be one of the big ones i think.

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  • Lack of trust due to personal history with that partner or past history. Lack of communication. Not enough one on one time. Financial issues, job pressures. Couples need to make time to just drop everything and have a mini getaway to recharge. Either hit the road and get out of town for a day, a weekend. Or just have wine, dinner, and Netflix, and cuddle time. Lots of cuddle time.

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  • Lack of trust
    Disloyalty
    Wondering eye
    Cheating
    Miscommunication
    Pride

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  • Lack of communication or incompatible communication styles or values.

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  • Lack of talking to each other!

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  • either there's not enough communication or they are selfish af

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  • Miscommunication & misunderstandings.

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  • Bad/lack of communication.

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  • Lack of trust and infidelity

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  • Infidelity, financial and societal pressures and lack of compromise.

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  • Disloyalty

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  • Money
    Sex

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  • selfishness / immaturity

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  • - lack of commitment
    - the love just isn't there
    - things change, people change, the way you see a relationship can change
    - societies impact on your life
    - not feeling stable
    - not trusting one another
    - not the right person for you
    - they show their real colours. Maybe they won't who you thought they were when you married them or got in relationship and now they're something totally different
    - different scenario (sometimes something like moving to a different town or different house can affect the relationship)
    - people around you can influence you and your relationship
    - lack of communication
    - people cheat
    - passion in the relationship is missing
    - they get bored
    - abusive relationship or partner

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