My fiance and I just ended it.

advice, a joke?

i want to smile again...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the

    background checks, interviews and testing were

    done there were 3 finalists. Two men and a woman.

    For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the

    men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

    'We must know that you will follow your instructions no

    matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find

    your wife sitting in a chair. Kill Her!'

    'The man said, 'You can't be serious, I could never shoot

    my wife'

    The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job.

    Take your wife and go home.'

    The second man was given the same instructions. He

    took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for

    about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his

    eyes. 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.'

    The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take

    your wife and go home.'

    Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the

    same instructions, to kill her husband.

    She took the gun into the room.

    Shots were heard, one after another. They heard

    screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

    After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened

    slowly and there stood the woman.

    She wiped the sweat from her brow.

    'This gun is loaded with blanks' she said.

    I had to beat him to death with the f*cking chair.'

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What Guys Said 3

  • A guy walks into a bar and sits down next to a prostitute.

    She looks at him and says "Let's play a game. I'll do whatever you want for $300 as long as you can say it in three words."

    He looks at her, pulls his wallet out, and lays down three one hundred dollar bills, and as he lays each one on the counter he says "Paint...my...house."

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  • My engagement ended abruptly... no warning, at least that I ever saw. It was literally walk-in, 30 minute discussion, and she walked out.

    I don't know how yours ended, but I'm sure that there is nothing that would really be considered as ending on a "good note"... even if it was 'amicable', there's a huge sense of emptiness, and loss, and perhaps wondering what could have been done differently at various times... that something went off track somewhere, and it is important to understand more about what went wrong why.

    I don't know if there is anything that anyone can say to help you get past that. To me, it almost felt like two sides of a coin... that it was the best thing ever, how could it be over -- and regret over wasting my time on something that didn't work.

    In the end though, it was an experience that you learn from... whether good or bad...you developed and grew and learned from the love that you shared and the relationship... the good times and the bad times. You learned about yourself without even realizing it perhaps, and you come out with a better sense of what you need and what you want... for me, I was able to tell myself that it wasn't really her I wanted, despite all that I thought was wonderful about her, simply because I didn't want someone who left me like that.

    I think we can learn as much, or maybe more, from experiences in life that don't work out as compared to the ones that do. You're a different person than you were before you were with him, and now you'll just need to make sure that you are a better person because of it.

    Good luck.

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  • wanna hear a dirty joke...

    jonny played in the mudd

    wanna hear a clean joke...

    johny took a shower

    wanna hear a dirty joke...

    johny's dad was in the shower with him

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What Girls Said 2

  • A blind man walks into a bar. He orders a drink and asks the bartender if she would like to hear a blond joke.

    The bartender sneers and says, "Before you tell that joke, I want you to know that I am a 6 ft. blond with a black belt in Karate. The nice lady sitting next to you is a blond with a brown belt in Aikido. The lady to her right is a blond, she has been to anger management classes and tends to take things kinda personal. She is also a police officer. Would you still like to tell that joke?"

    The blind man thinks for a moment, then shakes his head. " No," he says, "not if I have to explain it three times."

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  • There were two high school sweethearts who went out together for four years in high school and were both virgins and enjoyed losing their virginity with each other in 10th grade. When they graduated, they wanted to both go to the same college but the girl was accepted to a college on the east coast, and the guy went to the west coast.

    They agreed to be faithful to each other and spend anytime they could together. As time went on, the guy would call the girl but she was never home and when he wrote, she would take weeks to return any letters. Even when he e-mailed her, she took days to return his messages. Finally, she confessed to him that she wanted to date around. He didn't take this very well and increased his calls and letters and e-mails trying to win back her love. Because she became annoyed, and now had a new boyfriend, she wanted to get him off her back. So what she did was this:

    She took a polaroid picture of her sucking her new boyfriend's unmentionables and sent it to her old boyfriend with a note reading, "I found a new boyfriend, leave me alone." Well needless to say, this guy was heartbroken, but even more so, he was p*ssed. So what he did next was awesome:

    He wrote on the back of the photo the following: "Dear Mom and Dad, having a great time at college, please send more money!" and then mailed the picture to her parents.

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    • Haha at first I was like, this is sad why! but that's funny.

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