Given the current circumstances?

After finding out I was seeing someone new, my ex gave me a letter she wrote a long time ago. But before she gave it to me she said she altered it "given the current circumstances".

In it she said she loved me like a friend and that she thought I only wanted to hookup with her, nothing more (I had kissed her a month before dating my girlfriend).

Does that mean if I hadn't been dating someone else she would have said something different? Did she mean it when she said she loves me like a friend?


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  • First, I wouldn't invest any feeling or thought or concern in the letter.

    Second, who cares if she "loves" you? Is that something you truly need?

    If it didn't work out, is she someone you want in your life?

    I understand wanting to be civil, and I'm not saying to not be that way, but that doesn't mean you need to be friends. Friendly doesn't mean friends.

    I'm very suspicious on the timing of her letter, I think she's trying to see if she can manipulate you, or put a wedge in your current relationship.

    If it were me, I'd say thanks, throw it away, and move forward. The past is a tidal wave that's always trying to drag you back into the water. Stay on the sand, it's an easier trek.

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    • I don't know. I could never decide how I felt about her. I felt like I didn't deserve her so I was always screwing things up. She's not a liar. She'd been trying to give it to me for awhile and looking back on it there are instances I definitely remember that she could've been trying to give it to me then. But she said she edited it so I'm wondering what the real version said.

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    • And the fact is, I doubt your ready for your ex now.

      You first described her as being a problem, and we went through a whole conversation where you carried on that line of thinking.

      Now in your last post you describe her as being supportive, caring, and functioning. Very much the opposite of what you originally said.

      You're conflicted and need to deal with that before you get involved with anyone else, no matter who it is.

    • ? I never described her as being a problem -- I WAS the problem. My insecurities were the problem. But you're right about needung to sort myself out.

  • If you are in a committed relationship and planning long term with your current gf, then this letter is too late.

    However, I think she liked you and would have liked the relationship to develop further. She probably needed more time and may be more bold action from your side. Having found out that you are seeing someone else now and not being sure about whether this is serious, she is giving a last ditch effort to see if there is any possibility.

    But, don't worry, if you tell her that you are serious about this girl and want to keep friendship with your ex she will also learn to forget about you.

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    • I'm not serious about her. We just started dating but now I feel like I made a mistake. It's not the same with her.

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    • Then I would suggest getting back to her in the manner I described above or any other way.

    • I think I'm going to take a time out. Maybe it will show her I'm serious about changing.

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