We've been together for almost 4 years and engaged for 3. I hid the relationship from my parents for 3 years and recently introduced him 6 months ago. They are giving me a hard time because he is not Lebanese. They want me to break up with him. For the most part my fiance has been very patient and accepting... giving me my space. I told him before we got serious that this would be a problem and was very clear. He agreed to move forward anyways. My parents are very religious and part of their religion/culture is that the children listen to their parents no matter what age. I'm 31 and this still applies (yes, I know my profile says I'm a different age... I can't fix it for some reason). I live at home with them b/c another part of the culture is women don't move out of the house until married.
He met my parents 4 times within the last 6 months. My dad is trying to be accepting but is having a hard time with it. My mom has not budged once, which is suprising b/c she is half white. I knew they would give me grief but I didn't think it would be this bad. I tried telling them at the right time, when my fiance graduated medical school and had a residency lined up. I thought this would help my parents accept it more. It didn't help since they have very high standards.
We talked things over and I told him I wanted to at least give my parents until August of 2016 to accept it. If they still didn't I'd leave. I wanted to find a way to be respectful to my parents and my fiance. My fiance is working long shifts at the hospital and we don't get to see each other much. It's been once a week. He told me that he misses me a lot and he would like to see me when he gets home, even though he goes right to sleep to wake up and do it all over again.
He got really upset when I didn't look for an internship by him. He lives an hour and a half away. I currently am in grad school and work at the university under contract to pay for my school (I'm a graduate teaching assistant). So I wouldn't be able to do an internship by him unless I quit my job and moved in with him, which is what he wants me to do. I told him that the plan was to wait until I graduate with my masters degree. He gave me the ultimatum... but then when I talked to him yesterday he said he didn't want to break up... he was just putting pressure on me so I'd move in with him. However, before he said bye he also told me to have a nice life.
I'm not sure what to do. Any advice? Thanks.
Most Helpful Guy
Stay your coarse young Lady... I smell a rat here , and that rat is your Fiancée. You both made an agreement that you finish your education and get your masters degree ; and that's what you should do... Not for him but do this for you and your future. If he is throwing this ultimatum at you it obviously a control maneuver to scare you into bowing to his demands. Don't be allowing him to control you through intimidation , if you give in to this , it will fuel the fire of his controlling ways. I'm sure he misses you , but he can't be missing you any more than you miss him here. You are both working hard to have a future in very admirable fields to be certain , I'm sure you have been a lot of support to him over the years ; now it's his turn to support you as you were for him. The parents how ever are a different matter. I don't know any thing of your culture but if your mom is half white that tells me some where down the line someone else broke away from tradition and married outside of there own nationality.. Food for thought !!0
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Most Helpful Girl
My advice? Leave him. Not because of what your parents think. But because he's attempting to manipulate you in a way that could easily become emotionally abusive later on. I question if he's truly husband material after what you've described. Is he truly the type of man you build your life around? Is he really the type of man you embrace endless sacrifices for considering how much disrespect and indecency he showed you? He even admitted to attempting to manipulate you to get what he wants. In the future, what other ways will he put pressure on you to get the results he desires? Major red flag.
An hour and a half away isn't even that bad. -_- Listen. You are a young woman and it is very important to have your own career. It is crucial to make the best steps for your future career so that you can take care of yourself. There's no guarantee the marriage will last. Even if it did, realistically your husband may pass away. Then what are you supposed to do? You have to be able to provide for yourself. Interning is a major step to finding the absolute best job you can and if the best internship for you is not near him, then you shouldn't be limited due to his feelings. That was such a selfish request and it's just the tip of the iceberg.0
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