Should I just let this argument go, or keep at it? I need some help on this.

So my boyfriend and I got into an argument in the car this morning. I had gone with him to an appointment he had and then he was going to drop me off at home so I could get ready for class. His appointment ran really late and by the time he was done, I was just going to suggest that we go back to his place and go back to sleep for a while, since we had gotten up really early there was no way I was going to make it to class on time at all.

When I said that, he said that he "wanted some alone time". The thing is, during the week, we don't see each other (from Monday to Thursday). On the weekends we hang out pretty much the whole time, namely because we haven't seen each other for the whole week. I asked him why he felt like he needed alone time when, after today, (today is Monday) he wasn't going to see me again until Friday. Then he goes on to say that there are "some things he can't do while I'm there" and that he "can't un-wind completely when I'm there".

At this point, I'm majorly boggled as to what he has just said, so I ask him "What can you not do when I'm around?" (We've been together for a year, btw and are beyond comfortable). The first thing out of his mouth is "I don't know." And then he goes on to say that he might do something that he has been saying he is going to do for the past two months. I called him out on it. "You've been saying that for 2 months and it's never happened! Why is today any different?" He really had no answer for that.

When he said he "couldn't unwind" around me... I said that maybe we shouldn't be together then. I mean, that statement, in my opinion, shows that there is something wrong. As soon as I mentioned breaking up, he shot it down. And yet he could give me no solid answer to the questions I'd posed to him.

Then he accused me of having no respect for him, to which I replied "I have plenty of respect for you, but I don't respect you when you pull excuse after excuse out of your a$$ like that!"

From my point of view, what he was saying didn't make sense, and seemed completely made up, like he had no real reason for "wanting alone time" and stuff. When we got to my place, we got out, he handed me my things, said "See you later" and drove off, leaving all our issues completely unresolved, and me fuming and beyond upset.

I spent the next 20 minutes crying in my room, trying to figure out why he would say all that. I do believe that he still loves me, and I love him too, but I hate leaving issues unresolved and he is the kind of person to avoid disagreements like the plague. I feel like I need to do something dramatic to let him know how bothered I am by the fact that he just drove off without another word.

So really... should I just let it go, forget that it happened, or do I need to sit down (in a calm manner) and bring those things up again? And what do I do to stop him from just "running away" (either mentally or physically) from these issues!?

So... after a rather intense phone conversation, I think we got things worked out. We both apologized and (hopefully) came to a compromise on how we are going to handle discussing issues that pop up in the future. Thanks for all your help!


Most Helpful Girl

  • I understand how you feel, men give us crappy answers and expect us to just accept like we don't have a brain. If I say let it go you will still have an unresolved feeling, if I say question it, this may leave the door open for more confusion. If you are anything like me you feel as though you need answers, so you can do some of both. When he cools down tell him in a nice soft manner how sad it made you feel when he said that he needed you absent to unwind, then politely ask him why. If he is still stand offish after that, the forget it, ask nothing about that again. Things in the dark have a way of coming to the light without any effort on our part. Don't stress yourself about it, no one holds the key to spoiling your day but you!


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What Guys Said 1

  • Why does he HAVE to have a reason to unwind? Maybe he was just feeling under the weather and wanted to relax a little more. I don't see my girfriend much either and there are tons of times that I just want to unwind even with her there.There's usually not a reason why I want to but I just want to sit and get my mind off of college or another friends problem I'm helping them with. She understands. She just reads a book and I play video games. Then when I feel ready we go out and get food or something.

    Insisting on a reason isn't always the best idea. it will likely p*ss him off or make him come up with any reason why he just wants to be alone at the moment, which sounds like what happened. I do it too.

    • I guess I have to agree with you. I know I can probably be more understanding about things like that. But he makes it seem like when we are together I insist on having him by my side at all times, which is just not true. He can be in one room on the computer, and I'm in another watching tv, and that's perfectly ok with me for a few hours.

      So should I just let it go, apologize for ruining both our mornings, and save it for another time and try to make up?

    • I agree with yeths. If it's important it will come out on its own. If it's not well then it not a big deal and doesn't really matter any way. Just don't go barging in screaming and yelling.

What Girls Said 1

  • let it might have somethin to do with the drs appt..idk what it was for, but what if he just got diagnoses with cancer (God forbid), I mean I would deff wana be alone if that happened and think of what to say to the family and loved ones... so ask him if everythings ok, and if he says yes then even if something bad is happening he doesn't want you to stress about it, or get involved...and even though you all don't see each other during the week, seein each other for 48 hours straight might be settin him off..who knows but I would let it go

    • Thankfully it wasn't anything really serious or stressful like that. I just feel that if I just let it go, it is giving him my "ok" to do stuff like that again. Is that how it comes across? Because for me, I hate letting unresolved things go because I just feel like it tells the other person that it really didn't bother me that much, when obviously it did.

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