Girl who has been hurt in the past - No Contact or build up as friends?

Need some relationship guidance and advise..

I met this girl over the summer, everything was going well, met her family and she met mine shortly after.. everything was progressing really fast but felt right. right before I left for a month long vacation she said she wants to get to know me better and as more then just friends. Two days in a row while on vacation I didn't message her and she got distant from then. Once I got back I asked her officially out and she ended up saying she couldn't commit and didn't feel the connection and wanted to be friends - I initially said yes, but then went No Contact, but only for 2 weeks.

I started texting and tried to build up the attraction again - this went for about a month and I met up with her. However I brought up the relationship and what had happened for her to go cold (my mistake) As soon as I did she backed away more and said she needed time to be normal with me again.

A week after, I reached out and said let's just be friends and she agreed. She was still however distant and barely texting back - 1 response back every few days - I asked her why - she said she was really busy.

This week, I tried calling a few times in a row and texted her to meet up - she didn't pick up nor has she responded. Complete silence.

Background on Her:
-she's been super hurt in the past and runs away when things get serious
-she was in a seriously relationship 5 years ago and hasn't been with anyone since (3 years so far)
-She's protecting her self from getting hurt again (self-preservation)
-we only talked for a few months and weren't really boyfriend / girlfriend.
-I never kissed her
-she definitely had strong feelings for me before I left on vacation
-she likes attention and flirts a lot
-I think she might be playing the field a bit

What is my best approach for one day having a relationship with her?

1) Should I text her saying that I'll give her time and wait until she contacts me?
2) Should I go no contact on her for a month or two and then reach out?
3) Should I ask her what she wants and go with it?
4) Should I try to be friends so she can trust me without being scared and hopefully bring down that wall that she now has up.

I know she's worth it and will do anything right now to increase my chances to one day be with her. I know I made mistakes - this situation is just tricky and I really don't know what to do.

  • 1) Should I text her saying that I'll give her time and wait until she contacts me?
    Vote A
  • 2) Should I go no contact on her for a month or two and then reach out?
    Vote B
  • 3) Should I ask her what she wants and go with it?
    Vote C
  • 4) Should I try to be friends so she can trust me without being scared and hopefully bring down that wall that she now has up.
    Vote D
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Most Helpful Girl

  • Personally, I would reach out a hand of friendship to her. The relationship will develop in its own time. She's not scared to love again... she's scared to be hurt again. When someone has been hurt in the past they never want to feel that pain again, so they build a " wall" around themselves... too scared to allow anyone getting too close to them. If you genuinely want her to be in your life then you need to take things slowly until her guard gradually comes down.

    Trust needs to be earned so she will only trust you with her heart when she gets to know you more.

    People need to have regular contact with each other for a relationship to develop. The less contact you have with someone the more chance their will feelings fade. It causes distance between two people.

    It seems the friendship/ relationship will have to be on her terms until she's ready to trust you. You just need to decide if she's worth the wait. Good luck 😊

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sorry you are flooded with so many thoughts and ideas of what to do and what if's. just realize that it wasn't meant to be and you should just let her go. Nothing you could have said or did that would have changed anything as it is now. if she was wanting more from you or may want in time then she would not pull away. it is simple and clear that she is not into you or a relationship.

    so swallow that hard fact and accept that. leave her be and move on. just keep in mind that relationships that do not workout are not as bad as it seems. what this is doing is allowing the right person to enter your life. so let her go because you possibly could hinder the connection you are suppose to have if you are distracted with a lost cause. so keep aware and wish her well from afar (no contact) no friends because that will just not work.
    ok? ok good have fun and congratulations on your next new relationship with that amazing girl you haven't met yet.

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Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Tell her you will give her time to think about it because you really like her and you don't want her to be hurt nor do you want to be hurt by her...

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What Guys Said 1

  • Dude, forget her. She's just not that into you.

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