Still Physically Attracted To My Ex?

I've never been as attracted to someone as I am to my ex. He's extremely handsome, and even though I try to force myself into being attracted to other guys with kinder, sweeter personalities, it simply never feels the same. I'm only physically attracted if they resemble the type of good looks my ex has.

My ex was a harmful, unpredictable and emotionally damaging person who led me on for weeks after our relationship ended and dropped me when he decided I wasn't sufficient for his needs anymore. He then moved on instantly with another girl and hurt my feelings deeply while doing so. I am still recovering from the traumatic experience while he is blissfully dating and uncaring of the damage he caused my health.

However, he's the only guy I've ever truly loved.

Moving on from him is proving torturous, especially considering I have reoccurring dreams about him which bring back all the feelings. For example, last night I dreamt I was in his house. He snook up behind me and gently kissed my face whilst caressing my hair in his hands. He was seductive yet honest, telling me he couldn't resist me despite the fact that he had a girlfriend. (I don't condone cheating, but it resurfaced all of my attraction and even love for him.)

I hate thinking about him constantly. I hate feeling angry at him for all he's done, but yet so attracted. I hate that we don't have a chance anymore, even though I know he was not a good boyfriend. It hurts so much.

Has anyone any ideas on how to stop pining for the chemistry & intense attraction we once shared? It's really difficult, and I don't want anything weighing upon my mind coming up to Christmas.


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  • That's completely normal. Attraction is a subconscious thing, you have no control over it. So you shouldn't beat yourself up about having perfectly human instinctual desires toward him.

    I know you probably may have heard this time and time again but honestly the only thing that will make things better is time. Emotional pain and torment is horrible in the fact that you can't instantly make it go away like if you were to take painkillers for physical pain - it lingers and grips ahold of your ability to think rationally. Remind yourself of all the bad he's done, and that that fact alone means his physical appearance means jack shit.

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    • Thank you so much for this. It has helped a lot. :)

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