My girlfriend just left me and I don't know why!

I'm having a very difficult time with this break-up. Jan. 11, my girlfriend of 10 months out of the blue says she doesn't think she is in love with me anymore. Just days before, she was affectionate and telling me she loved me. 30 days b4 that, she sent me a text saying that she saw an elderly couple holding hands & just knew that that's what we would be like when we get that age together. I asked her if she met another guy, but she said no (that would have been closure for me at least).

She is on anti-depressants, and is on a lot of pressure right now. She has the bar exam coming up at the end of Feb.

Also, just before all this happened, she had a job lined up that didn't pan out (she's down to her last $1000 for rent) , her cat had peed on the nice new furniture that we got, her verbally abusive ex husband started harassing her again, and all her friends were teasing her that I was going to propose to her at Christmas, which I was, but didn't tell anyone. I was also supposed to move in with her to help pay for half of her rent feb. 1. I really don't know what happened or what caused her to say that. She always said how much she loved me and how lucky she was to have me in her life. We were both lucky to have each other! She is 36 & I'm 47 but I look and act more like 30. She always said that I have too much energy. So it's not the age thing. We got along great together, and rarely fought. I knew from the 1st moment I met her that she was the one for me. I have never been married, but she has bee divorced for over 2 years. She has been on the anti-depressants since her divorce. I have never seen any change in her mood till she failed her bar exam back in Nov. No matter what I tried to say to help her feel better, I couldn't help her. Now that she says it's over, I'm having an extremely difficult time. I feel like I not only have lost my girlfriend, but also my best friend, and future wife! My heart aches for her more and more every second of every day that we are apart. I'm just hoping that she will clear her mind after she writes the 3 day bar exam , and realizes she has made a terrible mistake breaking up our relationship. This was also a long distance relationship where I did the majority of the flying out of choice.We were so close to being together after 10 months of commuting. I just hope it was a combination of all the stress that she has been under. I'm hoping and praying that she will come back to me. I am not going to call her, but I am going to send her a nice card just before her 3 day exam at the end of Feb. saying good luck to her and I know she can pass this exam cause she has worked so hard for it. I am just so heartbroken right now. I am at the lowest point of my life, ever!
She was the one that brought up marriage subject. We started to plan wedding down to how many to invite and who, and what kind of wedding rings do we get each other. I just don't understand how anyone could turn off their love like it was a light switch!
Today has been a very tough day for me. It would have been the day that I was supposed to move in with my girlfriend (from New Orleans to Dallas).

Thank you HappyGirl10 for all your kind words. I sent her an email today and said what you suggested.
I sent back her stuff she left with me, as requested. She still has my clothes to send to me. She said she understands if I keep gifts I gave her, but I'm not like that. That's something her ex would have done. I really do love her w all my heart & soul!
She got stuff I shipped back 5 days ago. Hasn't sent my stuff to me (has most of my clothes). She told me in Jan she had my stuff packed & ready to send. Is she having 2nd thoughts? She still has pics of her & I on Facebook embracing from Christmas. Why?
I haven't talked to her since she broke up w me Jan 11.

I really love this woman, and miss her very much. Valentine's Day is going to be a very lonely day for me. I truly hope that she is thinking about getting back together with me.
Still don't understand why she hasn't sent my stuff to me yet when she said she had it all packed and ready to go. I'm hoping that she is having 2nd thoughts of breaking up, and that's why she still hasn't sent my stuff.

1 of her friends said she met a guy in early Dec. & had been sleeping with him long before our breakup on Jan. 11. Unbelievable! This type of person is pure trailer trash!

She brought up getting married to me just b4 this!

She didn't even have guts to tell me on phone when asked if she met someone. Would have been closure instead of wishing and hoping that she would change her mind. She still has my clothes & taking time to send to me!

Thanks for ur help everyone.


Most Helpful Girl

  • It sounds like she is completely overwhelmed right now. She is probably stressed over the bar exam & the though of you proposing while she is so stressed, it probably too much for her. If she is divorced, I am sure she is very scared to get married again. She probably wants to go into marriage when she is more stable & can think more clearly.

    I think the best thing you can do is back off. I would send her a letter or email telling her you undestand where she is at. That you know that she is completely stressed & that you don't want to push her to do anything she is not comfortable with. Tell her what you told me -- you love her, she is your best friend, etc. Then tell her that you love & respect her so much that you are going to leave her alone but that you are there if she needs someone to talk to. That you would LIKE to still be able to be friends if that is okay with her. But...I think that you will need to be really careful to not contact her too much. I think she needs time right now. I understand its hard to let go -- boy do I understand as I've been through it! But, if you two are meant to be, it will happen. If you try to talk her into something, that's only going to make her run. If you play it more cool, it will let her know that you really do care & that you are there for her no matter what but that you aren't going to hound her. I can't say that this will bring her back to you, but trying to change her mind is definitely not going to work.

    And, yeah, the card is a good idea. I hope it works out for you!

    • Thank you so much for your comment.

      I should also add that she was always the one that brought up the marriage subject. We started to plan our wedding right down to how many people do we invite and who, and what kind of wedding rings do we get each other. I just don't understand how anyone could turn off their love for someone like it was a light swich!

    • Show All
    • I have told her how I feel. I sent 2 emails. 1st one she replied to saying "I don't know how to explain what has happened any better than I did on the phone. I am just not in love anymore. I will pack up your stuff in a box and have it mailed down there. I am very sorry. Believe me, I wish I was crazy in love with you because you are a wonderful man and would treat me incredibly well". I have a card to send her tomorrow to wish her good luck writting her bar exam.

    • Okay, if she wrote those things to u, then it sounds like she is at a point where she doesn't believe she is in love. I know this is hard but it really means you need to completely back off & not contact her anymore. If you keep trying to contact her, she is only going 2 get irritated & back off more. In other words, it will make it worse. You need to just let her go at this point & hope maybe she changes her mind. You need to move on w/your life. Easier said than done, I know but the only option

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What Girls Said 1

  • Awww, you are a good guy. If she can't see that then there is going to be someone else that will. I know you don't want to hear that right now, though. I always think that if you truly love someone then you want THEM to be happy. In your darkest times (like now), just think about her & focus on her happiness as much as you can. I know that is hard though. Just let her know if you do talk to her, that you just want her to be happy. I sincerely hope she sees the great guy you are. Best of luck.


What Guys Said 3

  • The pain doesn't matter. Like a cut on your arm doesn't matter.

    How you fix it is what matters next.

    Just like your physical body you have an emotional body. It's like your creamy soft vulnerable center. And this part of you is most exposed when you're in love with someone. So when she leaves you it feels like a very real piece of yourself is injured.

    Here's what you need to do to heal...

    1) Perhaps bring your guard back up with women (The male version of a Bitch Shield?) ... but only temporarily. Don't rush out to meet someone new until you can lower this guard, otherwise you'll have intimacy issues.

    This is just so that can protect your emotional body while it heals.

    2) Just like a scab on your knee you MUST NOT PICK IT! Your pain will not heal if you're sitting at home feeling sorry for yourself. Allow yourself one week of feeling pity for yourself, then STOP IT.

    This may seem difficult, but you must trust yourself to let it go when ever it come up in your head. Like a path through the amazon forest, the more you track over and over a certain path in your mind the easier it is to walk back over it. Your incessant thinking about how hurt you are will only make it easier and easier to fall into a depression.

    Stop that!

    You must be the courageous man you've grown up to be, and force yourself to stop thinking about her when ever you catch yourself doing it.

    3) Re-engage your closest friends. Not to have pity parties, but to reconnect with important people. Learn to be a good listener and find out what's going on with everyone else. Bring your deepest and most sincere self to the table. This type of connecting with people you love will help you heal AND will help you realize how isolated you made yourself when you were smothering this ex girlfriend. Then learn to keep your social ties strong next time you're in a serious relationship.

    4) Re-connect with your deepest passions. Sports? Hobbies? Woodworking? Work? The busier you make yourself, the less time you have to sulk. Reconnect with your religion if you have one.

    When you find your deepest purpose you're really connecting with yourself (the most important person in this equation.)

    This is the best time of your life to remember how important you are to yourself. Build rapport with yourself. Build appreciation.

    Healing from this will be surprisingly quick and should leave you feeling stronger!

    Best of luck!

    ~ Robby

    My blog ( link )

  • She likely hasn't sent your stuff yet because she's been dating a lot lately and just hasn't had the time. Perhaps it's time for you to do the same? Or in the very least reconnect with the other passions in your life (sports, work, hobbies, bowling, etc.)

  • you know I just broke up with mine well she did after 6 years ashe is saying that we need time cause she has been with me since she was 15. this kind of looks the same because I think she has a little pressure and stress under her. it looks like your ex is under the same category she is so stressed out because she has so many things going on maybe the relationship need to get out of the picture just so she can catch up to thing and man I know its stupid I hated it when she said we need a break but the best thing we can do is wait a couple of weeks and call them. this year has been horrible for me and her we both lost our jobs we didn't go out much we argued a lot and we thought sex could fix it. just wait it hurts a lot I work out every time I think of her shoot in a week I will be huge ha ha ha but it releases a lot of stress you should do it too. and for the card ONLY say good luck you have worked hard and that you hope she passes that she deserves it don't say I love you don't say you are thinking of her this card is just to bring her hope high not to be thinking of you for me that would be a signal that you are giving her space and that all you do is wish HER the best after the exam wait for her to tell you how she did and I would take her out to celebrate if she passes but don't hold hands and try to be strong let her tell you when she's ready as guys we have to suck this up


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