Why did my boyfriend really break up with? and cry about it?

Ok so me and my boyfriend had been dating for four years and over the last couple of months I noticed he had become distant. He wasn't as affectionate, when we spent time together he would fall asleep or act like he didn't wan to be there and the last couple of times we have had sex I had to initate it. I felt like he didn't cherish spending time with me anymore. So on Saturday I told him that I wanted to talk about some concerns that I had about the relationship so we went to a park. Eventually, he told me that at 25 years old he wasn't where he wanted to be in life and just needed to get his life together (no car, college dropout, dead end job, still living with college roommates). Regardless of that I still loved in cared about him and tried supporting him find his career path. Then he started bringing up our friendship and how great it was (we were friends for 3 years before we started dating) and suggested that we go back to that. He was very emotional the whole time we were talking, even to the point where I had to console him. I agreed thinking maybe a relationship isn't his best intrest right now and he said that he was always going to be there for me if I needed him and he still wanted to be apart of my life. After we talked he suggested that I come over his house but I was so hurt I just wanted to go home so he took me home and watched me while I went into the house. Later on that night, I had a lot on my mind, mainly because my boyfriend has never initiated a break up so I called to make sure what he said was true. He said yes but I noticed he was cold and hostile over the telephone compared to crying his eyes out earlier. I asked was there any other reason for this break up, because I didn't think our relationship was that bad and we normally worked things out together. He told me that he felt smothered and felt like I was never going to trust him (old issues that we have had in the past). He could not get me a valid reason for our break up so I asked was somebody else in the picture?(I snooped his fb and ig page but I can't find evidence of another girl and he still has a picture of us as his profile picture, he also works a lot!) and he no but told me he wasn't in love with me anymore. That hurt me like a ton of bricks. He still suggested friendship and he still wants me to go with him to visit his mother for Christmas and act like a couple around my family, which I think is weird. We haven't spoken since but I'm just so confused right now.


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  • Oh goodness. First of all, I am SO sorry that you've had to go through that. I can imagine how hard it'd be after four years! But, don't fret. I know it's hard to hear, but if he is going to just up and leave, he is not worth your time.

    Second, he should not be able to pick and choose when he wants you in his life or not. It should be all or nothing in my mind. That's just not fair to you.

    Lastly, he could just be really insecure and worried that you will leave him since everything else in his life is not going right. His fear of losing you could be why he broke up with you. I know that's ridiculous, but he probably would not be able to bear it if you left him, so he's doing it before you can. If he is worth the effort, then show him you're not going anywhere. If it's not working, move on and let him do what he needs to in his life right now. Maybe he will even come back after he gets everything right in his life, who knows.

    Sorry I don't know if that helped at all, but I wish you the best of luck with that whole situation. Hang in there!

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  • Just because he broke up with you doesn't mean he doesn't still love you and wants to be with you. But he just doesn't think a relationship is the best idea at the moment, he may think in order to get his life together he may not have enough time to devote to you or your relationship. And because he doesn't know how long it'll take for him to get on track he may be just saying he's not in love with you anymore, he may think you would be happier being with someone who can be there for you and does have their life together.

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