My ex is cheating on his girlfriend with me. What should I do?

I'm still deeply in love with him. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about being back with him. It's been over 9 months and I'm still not over him after a 5 year relationship. At some point, we both argued almost everyday and he told me that he had fallen for someone else (a female friend) who he told me was like family to him. I was devastated. Almost killed myself because I didn't eat in a week. I went to the hospital and ate mush for weeks after that. I thought I was fat and ugly, why would he leave me? What did she have that I didn't? I lost a whopping 20 lbs. He tried to explain to me that I was beautiful and he still cared for me but we've ran our course and it was over.

Within weeks, he put photos online with his new girlfriend kissing and mentioning how he's the luckiest man alive. She met the family and they liked her. I felt like I was being replaced, like 5 years out of the window. I kept in touch with him but blocked him 2 months ago, dying to move on. I hooked up with another guy and we both seem to like eachother and he asked me to be his girlfriend. The sex was good and he made me laugh, so I was all in. This helped, but my ex still popped up in my mind. This guy and I haven't even gone out for 3 months yet and it's already going sour because of our communication.

Today, I saw my ex. He invited me to lunch just to brag about how he gave his new girlfriend a promise ring. I was devestated. Went in the bathroom to cry. He grabbed me by the hand and looked into my eyes and told me that he still loves me. He misses me and he still thinks about me. We went back to his house and made love. It wasn't planned but I didn't stop him. He told me that he loved me a million times, called me beautiful and even said that we'd be back together one day and I'll have his child. Each word was like a relief just to be disappointed in the end. At the end, he acted very distant, was quiet and told me that he do


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Most Helpful Guy

  • If he's willing to cheat on her, what makes you think he wouldn't cheat on you

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Most Helpful Girl

  • He's using you. He's disgusting and toxic and doesn't deserve a moment of your time.
    The fact that the ex is popping up into your mind is because your brain has gotten used to him being there.
    The new guy doesn't deserve to be compared to the ex, and you probably expect him to react and respond in the same way as your ex did because you were accustomed to it. Get to know him as himself, not a variation of the fake, manipulative asshole you're trying to replace.
    I'm sorry for calling him that. I know it's hard to hear when you love him, and that I couldn't possible know.
    I've been in similar situations, as two characters- the new guy and you.
    In the end, the only thing that worked for me was a commitment to taking care of myself. I tried not to let my thoughts get out of control- don't say things to yourself you wouldn't say to a close friend! Do things that are ostensibly YOU - a hobby. I played guitar because the strings hurt my fingers and it was more productive than other forms of self harm. By the time the strings stopped hurting, I didn't need to anymore. I went running and pounded out my energy.
    Get angry. Fight for yourself. Block the loser who betrayed you and is now using you.
    You're not a doll to be played with until he finds someone easier to manipulate.
    If he really really loved you, he would not have left in the first place.
    It's absolutely nothing to do with you not being good enough. That's the patriarchy speaking. It's his failure to be a decent human being- and imho the very very least you could ask for in loving someone is that they are a decent human being.
    When someone shows you their true colours, please believe them.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Just enjoy the sex and keep quiet about it.

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What Girls Said 12

  • I think love is a great thing, however he chose not to be with you, he chose to pick the other girl over you, of course you're going to be devastated, but he can see how torn you STILL are, knowing that he has you wrapped around his finger. You should've stopped before having sex because you just proved that he can easily have his way with you because you're thinking with your heart and not your mind. The more you try to force yourself to move on the harder it is, you have to take it day by day. SOMEONE else shouldn't be your reason for happiness, you have to be okay with being single and independent before you can get into another relationship. Why would you want to love someone who wants to make you envious, brags to you... has sex with you and still goes back to her? You are a lot stronger than you think, it's time you do stuff for you x

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  • stop fucking around with him. you're clearly nothing but a side chick. it is completely unfair to both his girlfriend and to you. You're only making it worse for yourself; just let him go and don't see him anymore. If he wanted to be with you he wouldn't be with someone else and rubbing his current relationship in your face

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  • Stop whatever is going on because it is so unfair, to you, to her and maybe even to him. He's taking advantage of you, you deserve better than that, she's met his family he posts her pics, he talks about her, you're like a dirty little secret of his. No one deserves that. Ever! It's even possible that you are not in love with him but just infatuated with him, get him out of your system!

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  • I would walk away or talk to them!

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  • I get that you love him, and he may or may not still love you but DONT BE A HOMEWRECKER. Sleeping with someones boyfriend no matter what is awful and disgusting. Just stop. If he loved you he'd be with you rn. But he's not.

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  • Why the hell are you still with this disrespectful fuckwit? If he's doing that to her he will do the same to you. Why can't these senseless girls just wake up. 'He says he loves me' LOL believe that and you'll believe anything.

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  • Why didn't you stop him when you had a chance? 😐

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  • Its not worth it. You love him but u gotta move on sweety n it don't mean asap takes time to find someone so find yourself and embrace who you are when the right person comes along you will know

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  • You're just setting yourself up for more hurt. If he wanted you or loved you that bad, he wouldn't be with her he'd be with you, it's not hard to understand. Tell him to fuck off because you're worth more. Anybody can tell you they love you, proving it is something else, and he's already proved he doesn't... if he did, he wouldn't be trying to make you his bit on the side while he has his real girlfriend. Actions speak louder than words.

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  • Ugh continue on! The story got cut off.

    Some guys are just pathetic. How do you know that he really loves you? He might have lost control of what he said because he was too in the moment.

    I can't believe he's cheating on her... watch out he could be two timing or messing with you.

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  • You need to see a counselor. Having sex with your ex is not going to make him leave his ex si stop doing it. He is just using you as his sidechick and it shows lack of self respect for you to have sex with him knowing that he has a girlfriend.

    You also seem a little crazy, sorry.

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    • You probably think you are the only one he is cheating on his girlfriend with. I'm pretty sure he's having sex with other girls too.

  • You need to get far away from him if you want to heal. He's most likely just playing around.

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