When an ex boyfriend says he loves you, but can't be with you right now?
What does this mean exactly? We broke up a few weeks ago. I was his first girlfriend, and it's just confusing. I'm not sure if he's leading me on. Said he needed time to think about everything because he is confused. What should I do?
Most Helpful Guy
Honestly. It means what it means.
I think in general people over analyze each other. If we all were mind readers it would make things so much easier, but at the same time it would probably take away all the fun.
Girls do it, guys do it. We get a response like "I need space" or "I think we should take a break". And what`s even worse are the cases where they ask what YOU think about the suggestion. "I think we should take a break, what do you think?"
This often hits people in the face like a paddle. Especially if you thought your relationship was going fine! Now it`s suddenly required that you have a solution for a problem you didn`t know existed. So what do you do? Well, you start to analyze, most people though, over analyze.
In general, if you are the insecure type you might think: "What did I do wrong?" "What can I do better to be part of the solution". If you are the confident type you might think "What is he/she struggling with?" "How can I help him/her?".
Either way you spin it, what is certain is that you will go semi-mad trying to figure out the other persons feelings. As they are exactly that - feelings. Irrational, constantly changing, spontaneous and some times in-explainable. The only thing in life you really can`t explain with logic, and what separates us from being robots is exactly that - our "heart".
So, enough philosophic rambling. Back to you. My general online suggestion not knowing you, him or your situation at all is this: Accept his confusion. Don`t pin this on yourself, live your life with focus on your needs that does not include him. This will make you stronger both in the short run and, more importantly, in the long run. I know it`s hard now, but try to picture looking BACK at this period you`re currently in. How do you want this to look. Do you want to look back at the sobbing, confused, weak person constantly seeking attention and trying to make sense out of what other people are feeling? Or do you want to look back on a patient, strong willed woman that managed to focus on her friends, family, work/studies, hobbies and enjoying what life has to provide - all while going through a tough time emotionally.
Luckily - you my friend - have a choice. Choose wisely. Wisdom is something you can only learn by living, experiencing, this is not something you can read about in a book, or on a discussion board.
In life, what matters is not what situations you find yourself in - but how you choose to handle them.1
Most Helpful Girl
As wise as I think that I am and Good Into seeing what Space that I feel he is Needing here, dear @lunaleone17, he Cares about you still but wants his Free bird freedom right now because he may not want to be hooked at the Hip... Right now anyways.
However, there may come a time when he is Missing the Kissing and may want a "Friends with benefits" relationship and Not have any strings attached with his deal that he may think is Not a Raw deal. Many times many guys go this route after a breakup.
For now, focus on you and get ready for the New year. Make some new resolutions and don't be so Handy Andy if he does come looking for you. He may want to put you in his own back pocket while he is taking his time but you need to let him Know: "I want more because this Feels... Right." You know what path you want to take but it seems he doesn't want to go down that road right now.
Don't let him ever mistake any weakness for kindness because Then... He will feel he can keep you in his back pocket as a "Back pocket babe."
Good luck. xx0