I cheated on my girlfriend and how do I win her back?

I started dating a wonderful girl about 5 months ago. At this point I had never cheated or even considered it. About two weeks into our relationship I got into a life threatening accident and broke five ribs and shattered my foot and suffered a traumatic brain injury. I lived after being rushed to the hospital. And she helped me and got me through the pain and the accident. But about a month after the accident who I was completly changed. I felt weird and distant. My brain injury had messed up who I was. I had a birthday party one night and got really drunk and cheated. Only time in my life it happened. So I broke up with her and did not tell her it happened. I felt so horrible! After a two weeks we started talking again and I was going to tell her before we got back togather. I started to get a grip on who I was again and learning to deal with these feelings and getting a grasp on handling my injury. I was starting to feel like me again. Before this I was known as the most loyal guy. We have a group of a hundred friends. Before I could tell her a friend of ours did. And she considered taking me back and then just decided to not talk to me anymore. I have been going to a traumatic Brian specialist now and he told me that this happens with your personality. But i know what I did I did. And there is no excuse. But i feel like me again. And I lost the girl I should marry. I know I'm the biggest asshole in the world. So please give me honest advice. I have beat myself up beyond guilt.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I know most people will say "people don't change, if he cheated once he'll cheat again." However I do believe in change.

    The only thing you can do is fight for her pretty much. You know her better than us. You know what she loved about you the most, put it in to use. You need to tell HER how much you love her. Write her letters for some days, and I mean handwritten letters, as they are more romantic or real than texts. Or even poems if you can. Show her how much you feel guilty, change the habits she didn't like about you. For example, promise her to not get drunk again, as that is what ruined your whole love story in the first place. She is angry at what you did, which is completely understandable, but perhaps if she saw your dedication, it would calm down the seed of anger in her heart and she could love again.

    However if that doesn't work after some time then you should leave her some space. You messed up big time so don't blame her if she doesn't come back, but I could feel like you sincerely love her. And at first when I saw you both started talking again after you first broke up with her it made me sense she might love you as well. It is only a matter of whether she'll accept you again or not now. But sometimes you have to let things go and if they return to you then it was meant to be.

    Good luck man.
    -DocLovaLova

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I can't imagine what having a brain injury is like or how it impacts on you, your personality and hte very essence of who you are.

    But what I do know is that we are the sum of our yesterdays. What happens to us deeply impacts on who we are and how we respond to life in the future.

    So you cheated. It was one moment in time. When not only are you at a low ebb but you were still in the process of 'finding yourself' again.

    I can appreciate that you are feeling like you lost your girl but perhaps its more important that now that you've found who you are again. Start over with her, pursue her like she's a a girl you just fell for last night. Ask her out afresh, ask her to start over with you too. Wipe the slate clear as best you can and then... every moment, very chance you get treat her like she's the only woman in the world... cos as far as I can tell, in your world she is exactly right.

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    • Thankyou for your response. I wish I could ask her out again and restart. But she completly removed me from her life and won't talk to me. I would give anything to just have that one chance back. Any ideas on how I can get her to talk to me.

    • If you have no contact for her It'll be hard. But if you can contact her somehow. You start with "I'm sorry, I know I messed up in the biggest possible way, but I need you to know that I'm sorry I hurt you." Then respond to what she says. But ask for too much too soon. Give it time and space. Leave her to think about you and what you said. Baby steps. very very slow, baby steps.
      Good luck.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 10

  • This is a tough situation. I would say write her a letter explaining all that you did here and why you love her. However, you'll have to be willing to accept that you may never have her back romantically, you may have to accept that her terms may be different.

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  • Sorry for your accident but I think you should move on
    You've hurt her too much and if you date her again she'll have more pain than love being with you because she knows what you did
    She won't trust you at all and will be insecure
    So just find someone else rather than damage something more that's already broken

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    • I get that. I don't want to cause her pain anymore. But I do want to marry this girl. Maybe I just screwed up to bad. It's hard to find a girl like her. She had a million flaws. And I loved every one of them. In my career women only want me for money or fame. It's really hard to find someone like her. Who loved me for me. ):

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    • @ReneDS wow man!!! People feel no matter who.

    • i thought justing bieber was a robot.

  • For some people. myself included, sex isn't an "intimate" thing, it's just physical. I place no importance on sex. I wouldn't have a problem with my man sleeping with another woman (as long as he tells me first), but I would have a serious issue if he went somewhere else for his emotional needs. Anyone can "do sex", but not everyone can actually take the time to listen, understand, and really click, "get you". I'd feel more threatened and insecure if he was getting that elsewhere, because then I'd know I wasn't "good enough" for him.

    So my first question is, why did you cheat? Was it just about the sex, or was it something more that you saw in this other girl, that your girlfriend couldn't provide you?

    If it was something beyond just physical want/need, is it something you could compromise on, and be happy with as it is? If not, then let her go.

    Sadly, she may have already made her choice for you. If she won't talk to you, she may not be able to get past this. A lot of American adults, have been raised to think, and are now hardwired to believe that sex=love=sex. This is moreso a Christian ideal, but the concept has become a standard our culture.

    This mentality seems to be stronger in women, and If she is this way herself, she may believe you have already proven to her that you don't really love her :-(

    Good luck, this is a really tough one, and I can't imagine what you must be going through.

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    • Thank you for the response. To be honest I don't remember the act at all. This girl has been into me forever and I have stayed distant. But not remembering is no excuse. I'm a asshat for what I did. I want nothing to do with the other girl. My love lies with the one I hurt.

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    • I would say if any reason I was scared.

    • Scared of what?

  • Wooow your life sound like a movie. You should go to hollywood with this!

    Okay but you sooorta have a valid reason for what you did. Or at least, it wasn't a normal situation. Try and try your best to get her back, and don't give up. Show her that you only want her :)

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    • Thankyou.

    • lol yeah lets make a movie about a douchebag cheating on his loyal girlfriend, sounds like a brilliant idea, with leo dicaprio in the leading role, maybe he wins an oscar for suckiest movie ever.

    • @ReneDS are you unfamiliar with the concept of brain damage?

  • I'm sorry to hear about your accident and hope you recover one day. As for the cheating, I think it would be best to move on because your girlfriend is going to be even more devastated to know that and things won't ever be the same again.

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  • Fight hard to get her back. Tell her how much you love and miss her and let her know you completely screwed up and the brain injury, meds and booze are no excuse and you have zero feelings for the other girl. I'd also disown the friend that told on you.

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  • You don't. Fuck off.

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  • Trust is the foundation of every relationship and once the trust is broken I don't believe you can get the same level of trust back again with the same person.

    Trust takes years to build, seconds to break and a lifetime to repair. No matter how guilty you feel , and how genuinely sorry you are, you have now shown her your potential. Never cheating again is irrelevant , because you've already given her one good reason not to trust you again.

    You do seem sincere when you say you feel guilty. We are all human and we all make wrong choices at times, but sometimes it takes a painful mistakes to make us change our ways.

    Like they say, your best teacher is your last mistake. So learn from it by being a more loyal boyfriend to your next girlfriend. Even if your girlfriend forgives you, she'll never forget the hurt of your betrayal. If she can't forget neither of you will ever be happy together

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  • You can always try talking to her. Some people might forgive you due to your circumstances, others might not.

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  • It's better you move on make a clean break don't upset her anymore with your presence let it go.

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What Guys Said 10

  • Good thing you lived. But come on man, don't blame cheating on brain trauma. Its a very deliberate act, no matter how much your head throbs or how drunk you were. Accept responsibility. And try to win her back on her terms. Also never forget the fact you betrayed her trust. Guilt is good. At least here. Persevere.

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    • What I did I did. My injury had a lot to do with it. But still my fault. I don't want to blame it on that just needed to preficit why I came to this.

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    • @ReneDS what is your problem. Are you this bored with your life that you have to troll others.

    • @ReneDS Give the guy a break. He seems to be doing a lot better than the anonymous lot out there.

  • It is over she will not get past that no matter what excuse you tell yourself.

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  • You don't. You screwed up. Live and learn and don't repeat your mistakes.

    She will never forget what you did to her

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  • I think this is a lost cause for you and that is tragic but there is nothing you can do to make a girl want you, especially after an incident like that (despite the extenuating circumstances.) Basically. . . your shit's fucked up.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ig-RShZ6m4

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    • I didn't add the video to be flippant about your situation. Your plight just reminded me of this song.

  • If she takes you back she is wrong to do so.. all that will do is reinforce your inflated ego to go and do it again, and think she will take you back again, well if you think this is some how cool as to what you did to her.. you in my view have no grip on anything especially women.. like most other guys you think you can do no wrong.. time to move on.. maybe you should buy a gold fish, cat, dog, or just give your head a shake and move on

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    • I don't in anyway think it was cool. I don't think it was anything but horrible. Did you read my story?

  • From a guy that was cheated on twice by to different girls.
    Get past it. If you can't keep it in your pants you dont deserve her

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  • I mean generally I hold people accountable for their actions and say that if you are willing to cheat you don't deserve her.

    That said, I am a reasonable person and I am willing to recognise legitimate reasons. Given that you have brain damage, it's not entirely fair to hold you to the same standards as everyone else because you are more defective than deviant. As yourself if you'd do it again. If you don't know, do the right thing and leave her alone. If you know you won't, and feel confident in this fact, then you have nothing to feel guilty about. It wasn't your fault. I don't know how you will convince her but I know you have no reason to be sorry.

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  • Tell her what you did. If you love her, you will. Let her know that it was a drunk mistake.

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  • You can't change a woman's mind.

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  • maybe you can reverse the brain injury by bashing your head into a wall. Some people are truly dumb, its unreal. You have something awesome going on and yet you find a reason & excuse to fuck it up. Personally i hope she never talks to you again, she was there all the time, supporting you and you reward her by cheating and even breaking up with her. this should be punishable by death , preferably in front of firing squad.

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    • You have been hurt. And I'm sorry that you feel you need to hurt others. I hope you find happiness. You can hate everyone but it won't heal you. I hope you find a healing somewhere.

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    • Oh wow! Sorry you went through that. But just because I'm doing alright in my career does not mean I don't feel. And you don't know what my life has been like. My mother died in my arms of cancer. My brother died in hers. We all have to live with these things. No reason to be mean to others. I was asking people for advice. No reason to be mean.

    • I swear some of these morons don't understand the concept of brain damage.

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