But here's the thing... I don't know how I feel about it. I was sexually assaulted a couple of months back. My boyfriend broke up with me because he thinks I cheated on him and I lied about the whole thing to the state police and the doctors at the hospital because I can't admit my mistakes. My ex and I have been on a rollercoaster ride. He have had our low moments but somehow keep coming back to each other. That kills me.
He came over not long ago, we talked and he told me he still loves me and misses me and he doesn't like how we are not together. I feel the same. But then I keep going back to the moments when I needed him the most and he wasn't there for me. He broke up with me right when I was dealing with being assaulted by a guy who I thought was a friend. I'm still not fully healed.
I can't help how I feel. I can't help by still having hope that maybe someday me and my ex will be together again. But I hate how he's holding me back for going out and trying to get my life back. I blocked my exs number and he still manages to get a hold of me. I'm happy sometimes but then I'm depressed.
But at the same time, I want to go out there and enjoy my life the best I can. I don't want to be scared anymore. I don't want to be that girl who is so hooked up on a guy who wasn't there for her when she needed him the most. But why on earth do I feel guilty about going on a single date with a new guy?
How do you get over someone when you are still trying to find yourself again after you vanished from being assaulted?