Did I cause my Husband to cheat?

I just discovered my Husband has been cheating on me with his ex while I'm 6 months pregnant. He says I was not fulfilling his needs as a wife. That I spent to much time with my family, didn't cook enough, didn't clean enough, didn't contribute enough financially and wasn't affectionate enough towards him. Did I really neglect him as a wife and push him away?

Updates:
To be more clear, when we got married he knew I was self-employed building a business and not making much money. After being married for 3 months and mutually trying for a baby we conceived. He says now that I should have worked harder to make more money before I got pregnant. Even though all his expenses have remained the same excluding health & car insurance and some food. Everything else I pay for with my earned money. He also holds the debt for my ring over my head.
In addition, he is upset about family time that I spend with my Mom which is usually weekends due to work and the occasional watching the Bachelor at her house on Mondays. But in my defense he never made plans with me on the weekends and I'm not just going to sit in the house like I do during the week. In regards to affection, he says I never ripped his clothes off or laid him down like he did me. Not enough BJs blah blah

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Most Helpful Guy

  • As an outsider, it is hard for me to tell whether your behaviour caused him to cheat. Now let's assume all seven accusations are true, he may have a very strong case. That's not to say his cheating is excusable. But the reasons are strong grounds for any man or woman to experience emotional deprivation.

    That said. I am really not sure if one of those accusations could alone cause someone cheating. I'm referring to not doing household chores, not cooking and not contributing financially. To me, these three reasons are flimsy, and merely attempt rationalise his cheating.

    Where I could have sympathy for him is you spending much time with your family as opposed to spending time with him. It may have left him feeling alone and probably feeling like an outsider in your marriage.

    Not being affectionate enough is hard to quantify because what is enough to one person is a sense of lack to another. Only you alone can truly determine whether you displayed insufficient affection towards him.

    Studies have shown pregnancy can weaken the bonding between couples. Some men find their pregnant partners undesirable. Some pregnant women experience a drop in libido. That could also have caused him to cheat.

    I'm of the thinking that it is a combination of those accusations (assuming if they are true) that could have fuelled his cheating.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • A cheater doesn't need a reson to cheat, but he/she will grasp at anything to justify his/her actions. Don't fall for it. My ex did the exact same thing. They need to make themselves feel better about what they did, so they feel no guilt. Do NOT let him blame you for HIS actions. We are responsible for ourselves and nobody else can make us do something that we don't want to do.

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 21

  • Your husband cheated because he wanted to cheat, not because of anything you did or did not do. When he found that you knew, he unloaded all the excuses he had been making for himself. He created those to convince himself that he was right. And he just used them to deflect your seeing what he is. Don't let him do that to you. Tell him "Fuck you" just before "Good bye". @crystalt70 said it so well!

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  • Didn't cook or clean enough? lol this isn't the 50's. You're pregnant, he expects you to contribute financially? lol

    If you weren't affectionate enough, he should have talked to you. Instead, it just sounds like he can't keep it in his pants and is using any excuse he can.

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  • Tell him there's nothing preventing him from cooking or cleaning himself. As for the money, well, I can't comment on that, but you are preggers so you shouldn't be working near term or after the baby is born anyway. He sounds like a selfish douche a bit and a bit sexist. He also sounds like he's immature.

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  • He is a lying piece of shit. He cheated because he wanted to. End of damn story

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  • Well baby she was just practicing yoga while naked. And when I finished streaking from out side cause I was so drunk and walking around with a boner I triped and fell inside of her with the upmost precision even though I can't even not hit the toilet seat. It just happend and then I thought it would be a good time to see how many push ups I can do. I was so black out but my dick worked fine.

    How's that excuse but all seriousness I feel sorry for you. Go to counseling you're going to need it if you wanted to continue those people are so skilled and helpful they are worth every penny. YOU DERSRVE BETTER he is the definition of a scumbag. Because it sounds like he's not even sorry that he did it.

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  • what a douchebag, your pregnant, he should stop complaining and put in some extra effort to keep his lady happy and healthy. thats what i did when my ex girlfriend was pregant for 5 weeks, till she had a miscarriage and decided to hate me and leaving me

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  • Wow. No.

    No.

    No.

    No.

    No.

    No.

    The only one at fault for his cheating is him. Period. End of sentence.

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  • Cheating is a choice. It is a very deliberate choice. I'm sorry, but from what I read. Your husband doesn't sound like a very nice guy. Please don't give yourself anymore pain. You can opt for divorce by fault. Who cheats on their pregnant wife?

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  • No, you did not. He's a big boy and he's got a mind of his own. He did what he wanted to do, and now he's gonna blame you? C'mon.

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  • He is stupid. Literally, stupid. You married a stupid man. Who tries for a baby with an entrepreneur in a new business and then wants better profit returns?

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  • I can understand if you didn't keep him sexually/emotionally satisfied but cheating on you for not working/cleaning/cooking/wiping his ass is completely retarded

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  • I will say that this guy is a fucking dick head.. just divorce him after your baby is born... and leave him completely miserable...

    Don't let this slip away... He will regret everything when you will leave him...

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  • No. Your husband is mistaken and I'm sorry to tell you this but you need to get divorced. There's nothing called "cause him to cheat" and instead of him being apologetic, he's blaming you for it? That's bullshit...

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  • Lol your husband sounds like the biggest piece of shit.

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  • You did absolutely nothing wrong, he did do not think you did anything wrong, in answer to your question your husband caused him to cheat not you.

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  • Sounds like you did to me

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  • Yes, you are the cause of it.

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  • Communication breakdowns cause cheating

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  • No one here can answer that question accurately. He wasn't justified in cheating, of course. But did you contribute to his dissatisfaction? I can't really say.

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  • Still no excuse, should have discussed problems and worked on it

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  • Maybe, but there are 3 sides of the story, his, ours and the truth. He should not consider you a maid, but do you think you were doing your best to make the marriage work? I got divorced because my ex was lazy, did not take care of herself, and I felt she was pulling me down and holding me back.

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What Girls Said 12

  • First of all, your husband is an asshole. Sorry, it's the truth. No man who loves his wife would cheat on her while she's pregnant. Pregnancy takes a huge toll on you, it's ok to be negligent. It's not ok to use this as an excuse to cheat. Cheating is cheating no matter what the reason is. It's not your fault and your husband is a dick for trying to pin this on you.

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  • That's 100% all on him. You are carrying his child. Building a life is hard work. So if you don't feel like building a lung and doing all the chores in one day, on top of pleasing him at night, maybe he should cut you a little slack. Tell him to man up.

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  • No, it's definitely not your fault. He's a grown man, he is responsible or his own actions. anyone who cheats on their spouse doesn't deserve a happy relationship.

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  • No. Because he should have told you before, not AFTER the fact. Cheaters always do that and try to make you think it's your fault when they were the ones who stepped out, not you.

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  • You're truly with the wrong man to marry. I'm sorry... He chose to cheat, you didn't force him to do anything, he is being a child.

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  • NO SUCH NONSENSE!

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  • This is actually sad to me. There is no excuse for him to cheat on you. He's an asshole for blaming you after what he did.

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    • It's kind of turning into anger now... the audacity of some men like I swear...

  • maybe you did, but for saying that he doesn't deserve you anyways

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  • He's an asshole, not your fault.

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  • It doesn't matter what u did, it was his choice to cheat regardless of how he felt he should not have cheated :/ x

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  • So not only is he cheating on his preg wife but he's blaming you for it? So if you're not perfect he will cheat? What about for better or for worse? Start saving your coins and research good lawyers just in case. Also if you can just take a spa day or get a new hairdo. This will make you feel cute and confident in the face of adversity.

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  • Maybe he should step up too instead of looking for excuses. You're pregnant. You shouldn't be straining yourself doing everything.

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