How to deal with a breakup with no closure?

I know this is a long question but I really need your opinions, I appreciate them.

Eight month relationship with the sweetest guy you could imagine. Then just more and more distance - we didn't see each other in three weeks - because he was busy. And I understood that for awhile, but then I didn't understand anymore and felt like he was wanting to break up with me, so I broke up with him.

First thing I say is I don't want to lose you. And he says "you're not losing me"... so now I'm just confused but as I explain to him how much I'd missed him and how I thought he was wanting to end our relationship he ends up saying "I think you love me more than I love you." But still that's not an explanation. There's no real reason there. It's impossible to measure that. I know he doesn't owe me an explanation. Nobody needs to explain themselves if they don't want to be in a relationship then fine. But in the same way, I think it's really cruel to be left wondering what the hell happened. We were really sweet together.

Now it's been nine months since we broke up. I am miserable. I miss him so much. And I can't go back and beg for closure but I can't stand not knowing what went wrong. I don't know how to move on from this sadness, all I know is I want to hug him and hold him and be in his life again so badly... I can't get him out of my mind and I don't want to.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Good evening. How often did you speak during those 3 weeks you didn't see each other? It sounds to me like he didn't have the guts to break it off with you. That's why you didn't see him for 3 weeks because he was "busy".

    A person that wants to be in a relationship with you will WANT to be there.

    I understand you're really hurt. I know what you're feeling because I am feeling the same way. It's just a little more fresh for me.

    As far as closure goes, do you really think it will make a difference? If he tells you what went wrong, a couple of days or weeks later you will have more questions. There is no such thing as closure at the end of a relationship. If you have family in the area, go spend more time with them. I wish I could, but my family is half way across the country. The best thing for you to do is take everything day by day. It's going to hurt like hell (trust me I know), but you will never be 100% satisfied if you try and get "closure" from him.

    What you could do is reach out to him and ask him to grab a coffee sometime. Just talk and hang out. DO NOT talk about the relationship the first meeting. Then give him a day and see if he texts you back. If he doesn't, then text him and ask him to do it again. That's when you bring up the relationship. Tell him how you feel. Don't try and play games. Just be direct. Men are direct. Hope this helps!

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