My boyfriend and I have been together around 3 years. Just over a year ago he was sexting & messaging various women and asking them to meet him (among other things). I confronted him and we talked it out (kinda) on various occasions, but since then subconsciously my attitude towards him changed a little, I became a bit distant, I don't say 'I love you' first, or show as much affection. We argue often, and our arguments are terrible. I think I've become quite toxic in our relationship and hate the person I've become. But tbh despite these crappy bits, I love him so much.. we get on well and have plenty in common.
Since the incident he has tried incredibly hard to convince me that he's worth trusting and worth my commitment. I think I've kind of regressed and realised that part of me would prefer to maybe not be in a relationship, and just be on my own instead and get to know myself. Maybe the relationship came at the wrong time for us? Am I just being immature/dramatic?
We broke up earlier today and I'm going back to our apartment tomorrow to talk things through and pick up my stuff. I was ok earlier, but steadily throughout the day I've become more upset and anxious. I think about seeing him tomorrow after 2 weeks apart, the repercussions of the break up (telling friends & family etc.) and the fact that we signed a lease for a new place last month. I'm constantly thinking that this might be a HUGE mistake. I can't bear thinking of him with someone else either.. is that me being selfish? I feel like how I've treated him this past year has pushed him away to the point where we can't fix things (I'm worried he may be harbouring resentments). I'm so conflicted! To be entirely honest I don't think I'll ever be able to trust him 100% I feel so sad whenever I think about us, I know we could have be amazing together if he hadn't cheated.
Have you gone through something similar? Will I end up regretting this?
Most Helpful Guy
Don't worry, blaming yourself won't bring any positive result as you hoped. you're enough mentally mature to know what's best for you. don't be sad about that relationship, cuz you sound like you're an honest person and this good thing in your personality. forget about what others are doing and don’t be scared to walk alone, and don’t be scared to enjoy it at this moment. you were honest with yourself about that relationship, so don't be sad, cuz you simply choose the best for you and this is a positive step.( you start to know your needs... positive)
Don’t let anyone’s ignorance, drama, or negativity stop you from being the best you can be. keep doing what you know in your heart is right, for you. cuz when you're focused on meaningful work and at peace within yourself, almost nothing can shake you. give yourself time and space to know more about (YOU)... self-esteem
(just don't be harsh on yourself)