Is it a bad idea to continue being friends with my ex?

My ex and I are both 17. I moved away from my hometown (and him) in April. We tried long distance for a few months, but things started to get tough as he's awful with his phone and LDRs demand a lot of phone contact. We never fought the entire relationship, we would just voice our concerns and work them out accordingly. He was always wonderful like that.

One morning, after telling me he loved me, he broke up with me. It crushed me far more than I ever thought possible. He told me he was sorry, and that he hoped we could stay friends. I disregarded the offer as in genuine and guilt-driven at the time. We didn't speak for 4 months. It was the most difficult time of my life. I was crying every night, I can't even describe how painful it was (I'm a depression sufferer, and I've still never felt pain like that). I pushed myself to get out, to be with friends, etc-I really improved my life, but at the end of the day, I was still miserable without him.

I finally reached out after all that time, and we spoke about the breakup. What I didn't know is how much it hurt him, and that it was the reason he couldn't bear to talk to me because it was a reminder of "what he let go". He told me that he did not want to do it, but it's what was best at the time because other aspects of his life were suffering because he was so stressed by trying to maintain the relationship. At the time of the breakup I had no idea he felt like that. I really respect his decision after talking it through with him, I'm glad he did what was best for him (and for me at the time, even though I probably didn't realize it).

Now, we talk almost every day. He's big on the push-pull behavior- he'll text me all the time for weeks, and then disappear a bit. We talk on the phone and video chat for hours. He told me he's really glad that we can be friends and that I mean a lot to him, and that he loves me (but not in a romantic way).

The only problem is that part of me still loves him. I told him this, and he was very non-judgmental and told me that although he'd be very sad, he understands if us talking is not what's best for me. Is this a bad idea? Am I making things worse for myself by doing this?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Dang girl this is a tough situation. It depends if you think you guys have a good chance of getting back together. You still have feelings for him but you said long distance doesn't work since you moved away. But could you be together in the future if the distance isn't too far? I think you're only hurting yourself and hindering your healing process by continuing to talk to him 😞
    I was in a sort of similar situation 3 weeks ago. My boyfriend dumped me and said he wanted to still be friends and even though I loved him and wanted to be friends with him soo badly, I had to allow myself the chance to fully heal and forget about him and our memories before I would ever be his friend again. It's been 3 weeks and my heart is still broken and I don't think i wanna talk to him ever again.
    But I don't think you should keep talking to him if you keep getting your hopes up for a relationship that could never work and you're only hurting yourself and not allowing yourself to heal from the break up.
    Unless you ask him if there's a chance you could ever make it work in the future if the distance isn't too far maybe if you love each other enough you could drive to each other.
    Until then, only time will tell 😞
    But it sounds like he sees you as just a friend now but still really cares about you so I think you shouldn't talk to him to allow yourself to heal

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