Should I leave my husband whom I don't love for a lover with whom I might not have a future?

Recently my husband discovered that I am having an affair and asked to choose between him and my lover.
Here is the catch: I don't love my husband. He's a good guy but the love is gone and I am not happy, which is the reason I am having an affair.
I love my lover but I'm being realistic when I think that we might not have a long future together.
He plans to return to his native country in two years and I think his family would prefer for him to marry someone from his native country.
what should I do?
If I leave my husband I know I will be at least happy for the next two years and if I stay nothing will change. I will not be happy.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You are faced with a very tough decision. However I don't understand you said you want to leave your husband for your lover, but then you say you may not have a long future together, like you may with him only for 2 years so what is the point of being with your lover which will not last long?

    Yes, I understand and you're right you shouldn't be in a relationship where there is no love and at the same time it's wrong to have an affair and that would be betraying him so if you don't love your husband then take a divorce and go after the one you love.

    However have you spoken to your lover? I mean you are sure that your lover also wants to be with you right? you are sure he loves you right?

    If it is so then you're right you can at least be with the one you love and in that way you will be happy at least but then as you said it will eventually end after 2 years so that's something you need to be prepared for. Hence it will be a short term love only, if you are okay with then go for it.

    However I want to ask you, what are you going to do after 2 years, say you divorce your husband now go with the one you love, and that will last for 2 years and after that say you and your lover break up and good terms and he heads back to his country and gets married to someone from his native country then what will do? what have you thought about your future?

    Are you never going to get married after that? will you only be single? have you thought about your long term happiness? if not I suggest you think about that.

    Right now you can do 2 things here:

    1. You can divorce your husband and go with the one you love and be happy for 2 years but as you said you may not have a future with him.

    2. Divorce your husband and just stay single, don't go for the a love that has no future or may not have a future rather, there is uncertainity involved in this. Hence wait for your true love, or search in that direction, wait for your love that you will have a long future with, someone you will love and spend your rest of your life with him.

    Hence in any situation I would suggest you divorce your husband, there is no point in staying in this marriage that is without love and you are not happy as well.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • You cheated on your husband and all you care about is who is going to make you happy?
    You are trifling and a ho and you should be happy that your husband is giving you a choice
    I hope you don't get a dime of his money
    I think you should divorce your husband because he deserves better
    Your liver knows you just a bitchy ho so of course he does not plan on getting serious with you lmao

    Why are you surprised he is going back to his country?

    You thought he was going to get into a relationship with you?

    Never get married again, you obviously don't know the meaning of it

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    • and this is why i don't want to marry/ afraid to even ask out girls nowadays.

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    • @Rainman9 I never said he cared for her, in fact she was a fool to even think that he would be her back up man if she divorces her husband

      And why is she afraid to end up single without a lover and a husband?

      I think she is afraid she will end up with no one.

    • I know you never said that the back door man cared about her but he had to have known she was married. In fact, I'm glad you didn't hold back on your opinion of her or show any sympathy because she doesn't deserve it.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 14

  • If your husband's such a nice guy, then get out of his life while he still has a chance at finding happiness for the bulk of it.

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  • Time to move on lady... The trust is gone, even though he says he might forgive you, he will never trust you again and some other guys dick will always be in the back of his mind fucking you... And at this point where you don't love him, you won't be doing any one a great service by staying with him.
    Just telling it straight!

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  • You obviously don't love or care about your husband. You are only concerned about you. Just leave the poor man already so he can have some chance to find someone who loves him and treats him with respect, love and honesty.

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    • agreed man most definitely.

    • Well said. It's hard to find sympathy for this woman. I don't think she's sorry she cheated, just sorry she got caught.

  • Divorce your husband and dump the lover. If you don't have a future what's the point? And you shouldn't stay with someone you don't love

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  • "asked to choose between him and my lover." Mistake on his part, he should have dumped right there and then.

    And aren't you one hell of a selfish cheater, too? There's no concern at all to the man that did the mistake of marrying you neither is there guilt of any sort. The lowest type of cheater I have ever seen so far...

    I hope your husband dumps you, your "lover" also dumps you. It'll be even better if no man ever looks at you again and no woman ever looks at your "lover" again. Scummy behavior spreads fast, mind you.

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  • Obviously you're not happy. And although what you did by cheating on your husband sickens me to my core. There's no point staying in a miserable situation. 2 year boyfriend is just a rebound, so let the pool boy go back to his far off land and go find out what really makes you happy. Because clearly other people do not do the trick, so maybe you need to search from within.

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  • Im going through something similar my girlfriend of 8yrs i caught her with a separate phone and she had ig, kik, and other social media applications behind my back and when i found out i couldn't believe it, she was talking to a guy for 3 months and she would tell him shit that she would never tell me, i love you, can't wait to fuck you and all this crazy shit. It has been a month since i found out and i feel she don't love me no more by the way we have 3 kids

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  • He shouldn't have given you the ultimatum, he should have divorced your ass then and there! If there were problems in your marriage, you should have tried talking to your husband instead of screwing around behind his back.

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  • You're having an affair?

    Haha, You're an asshole aren't you.

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  • Leave your husband. Your marriage is broken and the trust will never return. Both ways you will live with regret. If you stay you will always wonder what if and most likely cheat again.

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  • why women aren't faithful anymore, this is sad and yet shit like this has been the norm

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    • exactly, this is fucking ridiculous, and most women say, not all women cheat not all women are like this and they say find women not 'girls' yea okay.

    • As I previously commented, it's hard to have sympathy for this woman. Now I'll say that it easy to have zero sympathy for her.

    • it's crazy when so many men in here sympathize with her but bitches like this should be treated like shit to appreciate when they have something good

  • you're still only young.
    If you are sure you don't love your husband then get out of the marriage at least then he can start a life again.

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  • leave why are you asking

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  • Leave him and I hope to God that you end up sad, lonely and miserable from your 60's and I hope you live until your 90's. Three decades of loneliness is sufficient enough for people like you.

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What Girls Said 11

  • If you don't love your husband and are fucking around with other people then get a divorce. Simple as that.

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  • I think your happiness should always be important to you. If you're not happy where you are, you need to get out of your situation. If your husband is a nice guy, he should want you to be happy and understand that he's not doing that for you. And don't worry too much about what happens after with your lover. A lot can happen in two years, and maybe he won't even go back to his native country.

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  • Leave him. It doesn't matter if you're with the next guy or not. You shouldn't stay with your husband at all if you don't love him, it's not fair to him.

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  • You're trash and should leave him to be happy. You sound so selfish even now because you're thinking of what is the best scenario for your benefit only. Fuck the vows, fuck the commitment, fuck being a partnership, because you only care about yourself.

    He deserves better, so leave for his sake

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  • Seems like walking away from both would make more sense.

    Start over and see where life leads you next.

    Get a divorce if you want one, but do it for you... not to be with a guy... especially one with whom you know there's no future as you've said

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  • I don't see why you're even asking us about this. You should have left him the moment you realized you don't love your husband anymore.

    As for your lover, test him. Ask him if he'll take you with him to his native country. If he refuses, leave him and find some other poor soul to fool around with.

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  • Clearly if you see no future with the lover why stay with him? honestly you should leave the husband but don't stay with the lover you have a feeling it won't work out and chances are they won't.

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  • what if you choose the lover only to lose your happiness after a month?
    what makes you so sure you'll be happy for any certain amount of time with anyone after you experienced losing it with your husband?

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  • Never stay with someone if there is no love there. If it doesn't work out with your lover, there will be others. You should have left him before you even began an affair. That's not fair to him. But I will not judge. Just try to do the right thing for yourself and for others.

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  • Yes leave your husband, you aren't happy. Take the chance with your lover, who knows what will happen but at least you will be happy. Maybe make sure you lover wants more than just an affair with a married woman though.

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  • Why don't you show some class and divorce your husband? Don't stay with someone who thinks they are loved by you, that's a bitch move. Definitely don't leave your husband for a guy who you don't see a future with! Why don't you just go out (after you're divorced) and find someone who you actually love and want to be with. I feel horrible for your husband. If I was him and I found this out, I would divorce you in a second.

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