Girls, What is the point of relationships and how do you move on?

I need some friendly advice, but please be patient as I have a lot to say.
I had a girlfriend for over 3 years and we ended things last June. When we met I was a virgin who never had a proper girlfriend and I was so happy to have her in my life. I have never been a ‘lad’ who goes out to try and get laid or anything.
There were problems and admittedly I never helped with matters. There were lots of small things but I won’t go into detail on those because none of us have time for that.
I have parents who have been married 30 years and I just really struggle with the idea of failed relationships. I didn’t bust my arse to save the one I had so I know that seems contradictory.
I am just really struggling to move on at a time when I need to. I am going travelling to New Zealand for a few months in just a few days. She has a new boyfriend and I just feel a bit numb. I know people will say ‘oh it is normal’ etc and ‘time heals’ but it has been many months. The main issue is I don’t know how I should feel.
I have loads of emails we exchanged, some nice and some when we broke up. I have loads of photos and stuff she bought me. I don’t look at them every day nor do I have them on display, but I don’t know whether to get rid or keep.
Bottom line: I spent 3 years (which to me is quite a long time) with a girl I did love. Although I know it is for the best that we broke up, I just don’t know how to emotionally move on. People say you learn from everything, yes you maybe do but we don’t enter them just to learn do we?
I am actually a very strong person but I can be very over analytical, but that is me.
So you have sex with this person you love, spend great times together over a substantial period of time…. Then it is just gone. What was the point if just to ‘learn’ from it. 3 years ago I loved her and didn’t enter the relationship just to learn from it


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What Girls Said 2

  • We learn from everything we do even when we don't plan on it. I know you love her but its be months move on by getting ride of her stuffs and pictures it only served as a reminder of a hurtful point of your life. You seem to have given up on relationships, but DON'T there will always be another women or the one who will love with the same = passions of love you have given her. You just have to be patient in finding her. Your still so young, don't throw love away because of your first real breakup. Just because you have sex with her does not guaranteed you will be lover forever. It take time to find the right one even I'm still doing it and I'm a year older than you. But what I'm saying is that if your hurt (because you are ) and have not move on but is still talking to her its better to end all relationships with her even if its just talking and move on with life. Keep love in your life don't lose faith.

    Remember these words:

    "If I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

    4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres".

  • Wow. I will try to help and get away from the clichés (time heals etc etc) by telling part of my story, but please excuse my bad English...
    I've been through several relationships...
    Some long, some short, some i'm not even sure they were a relationship... None of this relationships I entered thinking 'oh I want to learn something' or 'I will eventually break up with this person'. Honestly i'm a girly girl... i always thought i would get married, kids, travel, with that person... but sometimes life is in the way, you get in the way, feelings go cold. And i've had my heart broken a bunch of times already (and if you see, i guess i just got mine broken again...)
    I will tell you a story about my first boyfriend, 3 years together. I was bat shit crazy. Jealous. Possessive. Wanted to be with him 24/7. Suffocated him. Yet (he must have loved me very much) he put through it for 3 years, and then ended it.
    I went on a rampage, going out with every guy that appeared in front of me. And after 1 year i realized it was all meaningless... Why hadn’t i changed? Why I had done that or that? Why? Why when he chased me back I was so proud?
    I somehow feel guilty until today... feel like i should call and say 'heeeyy remember when i was crazy? I’m sorry!! :D" But I never did.
    I can blame myself, blame him, blame the fact that I was only a kid.
    But will it help? What good will do if I get pissed at myself? So I’ve made a pact with myself that day. I decided that I would never be bitter. I would never give up on relationships, on people, on men, on myself. I would always put me out there, in the wild. Meet new people, try try try and try again. Because like you my parents are together since ever… and I want that too, and I want that for myself.
    And that won't appear if I keep blaming myself. If I keep crying myself to sleep. I need to go to the gym. I need to study. Honestly, I existed (a fully capable human being) before him, and I will keep existing after him.

    • So yes, there will be time that you will cry, be angry, be upsed, miss her, send her a stupid text message, regret the text message, hate yourself, hate everyone. Just keep focused, search for the one love that will make it all worth. And along the way don’t waste your time “letting time pass and heal”: BETTER yourself. Show her and you and your family and your friends that you are not done yet. That great things are coming. Try new things. Cry, be angry, and TRY NEW THINGS AGAIN. Find a hobbies, ride a bike…. And meanwhile you will fall in love again, and everything will be good. And THEN you will have learned a bunch o things… not because you broke up, but because you chased a new you.

    • It didn't end great for us and I only yesterday saw a picture of her with a new boyfriend (when I was deleting facebook messages). Yes, she is blocked by the way. It is hard not to feel bitter and think: what was the point of those 3 years?

      I do think to myself: Should I just go and and get some whore? I feel I am better than that though and I seriously doubt I would feel better. Admittedly, in these last months I have completely given up on love and girls and I think that will last for sometime but perhaps I should be more open to it if the right girl arrives. We live in a time where break ups are so common and I didn't want to be part of that, which is why I now feel like I should just remain single for my life.

      Thankyou so much for your time and insight

    • Thankyou for you insight. I am using the time to do new things and I was already a very busy guy (one of the reasons we didn't work). I aren't the type to search for love (at least not at the moment) but I should maybe more open to it rather than being bitter towards females

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