How do I get her back?

I was with my ex for 6 years and we have a five year old daughter .She recently decided to move out and get her own place "take time off" as she called it, I know the root of the problem is me and my hang ups with marriage. She made it clear what she wanted over the years but I never committed, I always felt like I was there, faithful and a good father and that was good enough. Since she left its been hard but things still seemed uncertain about were we stood, but recently I found out she's seeing someone and all of a sudden I'm confronted with these overwhelming feeling of pain and heartache, and I aloud these feeling to get the better of me and said a lot of things I regret in fact I've made all of the common break up mistakes...so that leads me to my question. how do I approach things from here I want her back but I don't want to force it and ruin my chances and it doesn't seem right to ignore her, in fact that's impossible we still have my daughter to think about.i guess at this point I'm lost and any advice would be appreciated. THANKS


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Okay, your ex has taken a bold step . . . A step in the right direction for the both of you. Yes, the right direction. Being a couple for 6 years with just being there, faithful, and a good father isn't good enough in her eyes. Now, this is your time to weed through the overwhelming feelings of pain and heartache. It will take time, but this is your time to reflect on what was good, bad, and ugly. This won't happen overnight. It could take 3 months, 6 months, a year, or a few years, but it's worth it! Find out what you like. Find out what makes it hard for you to commit in relationships and other things. Also, get involved in things that interest you. This will ease a little of the pain, anger, and resentment. Working out is a great tool.

    If she's seeing someone else, but you still have contact, then this is good. You need to be patient and not overstep her boundries and at the same time work on you and your happiness. She might just notice over time that good changes have taken place, and her place is with you. Again, this will NOT be an overnight process.

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    • Thanks for perspective and good advice...not exactly what I wanted to hear at this point but sometimes the truth hurts I guess.

    • I appreciate your advice, it has been very mature and insightful. I have decided at this point proposing isn't the right move. I recently wrote her a letter pooring my heart out in an attempt to explain exactly how I feel, she acted uneffected by the letter and said "I have a lot to think about I need time" I know she still has feelings for me, but I think its "to little to late" so I'm trying to figure out how to except that and move on...its going to be a process.

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What Girls Said 6

  • you should just sit her down. call her up for coffee to talk things over and work out the issues that plagued the relationship. take practical steps towards resolution.

    think first what are the key issues that need to be overcome in this case. it may be issues you have to resolve and then she has to resolve her own issues. find out why she left at least and ask her if there any chance this can work out?

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  • I no that you may not wanna hear what I have to say but I am going to tell you what I think. I think that you should sit down with your ex and tell her how you feel and if she doesn't take you serious try to reassure her that you do want her in your life and that she does mean something to you. If you know that you were the main reason that you two split up because of whatever then tell her that you took the time to think about your relationship and that you know that you did wrong but if she is willing to you are willing to try this again and that you are willing to make the commitment

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  • Well on one hand you don't want what she wants right now with you. On the other hand you don't want her with someone that can give her what she wants either. But you love her and her happiness is important factor of loving her. Right? So keep your feeling open to her while allowing her to see other people, at the same time giving yourself the time to see if you really want to marry her. By doing this you won't tie her down to the relationship that wasn't going anywhere ( in her eyes) but you will stay fresh in her heart and when you are ready she will still be there . Don't jump into a marriage that you really are not ready for. Then you both will destroy all you have had because you will grow to hate her. She still love you but she needs something different right now because you can't give that one commitment her heart desires from you.

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  • give her time to thing. First thing first say sorry then try to convince her your going to do your best to be a better man for her and your child. the rest needs to come from you!

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  • I am really sorry about your situation*

    Do you thin you could give more info, so have abetter idea of what she is thinking she is dealing with?

    like what types of things did you say / do? " ... I said a lot of things I regret in fact I've made all of the common break up mistakes."

    How much of it did you not mean to say or do, & how much did you not MEAN?

    - This would l help me too, my friends boy friend is acting really strange I I wold like to be able to get an idea of what types of things people do, when the are hurt, but just sound angry, or whatever other emotion*

    You could message me if you want*

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    • Well first I should have mentioned that I had to ask if she was dating, I don't think she planned to tell me so naturally I was upset so I called her a few choice words and told her that the only communication between us would be about my daughter from that point and if she pursued her relationship the idea of us getting back together would never be an option...looking back I guess that was an attempt to force her into a decision. All the things I said are the opposite of how I really feel.

    • Probably then just give her time. Be a good father, & give your extra love to your daughter... Let this girl figure out her problem with the situation.. & You use the time to sort things out - alone^ Everyone can ALWAYS, sort things out lol

      You could request a clarification talk, to clear things up, not as a get her back scheme^ Then give her time, give yourself time, things time.

      Don't rush the love ^-^

  • Tell her that you still love him.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I don't want to say that I know this better than you would but after being together for so long and her hinting she wants to get married, she really wants it. To you it may seem superficial but to her, anything is in the realm of possibilities. You're with her but could be a free agent at any time! A woman likes to be told how much she means to you and wants to know her partner is loyal and willing to commit to her. She has already bore your child, she's not going anywhere. If there is any reason she has left, it is because you can't commit to marrying her. If you like her, put a ring on her! Win her back, romance her at all costs. You're not just getting her back in your life, you're making sure your daughter has two parents who are together, a stable family.

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  • I've been in a very similar position (except no kids). You are undecided about her...being there is NOT good enough...girls want commitment and solid answers, trust me, I know first hand with all my flip flopping...until you decide YES I want to marry her or NO I do not want to, all these other thoughts are moot. When you have answered that question, then and then only can you decide what you want to do about her. You get what I'm saying?

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  • Do what's best for your daughter. Thiink of her first then act. I am not saying I know what that is but I think you do. And even if contradicts what you want, choose her over you.

    That said, I suggest you let this relationship of hers run out then step in. Tell her how you feel and marry her. But if your not read for marriage then don't bother, you will just be in the same sitcho down the line.

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  • If you really want her back then you have to get her to talk to you and you have to propose. Yes, the only way you can get her back is to marry her. If your not ready to marry her, then forget about it and move on. The other thing I would do if I were you would be to totally dive in and make your daughter the center of your life right now. Go all out...be the best daddy in the world. Make it so hard for your ex to not want to be with her baby daddy

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    • Thanks for the advice. I have thought about proposing it is truly what I want to do. but then I look at were she's at and what she has said to me and I'm not sure she would except ,and if she didnt...at this point that would crush me.

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    • Goody: Did your friends have kids involved? That changes it a little IMO. I agree they shouldnt get married just to get married and then be miserable. But for the sake of doing the right thing and giving this little girl a "home" and a "family", they should give it a shot.....since they loved each other enough at one time and they made a child. That is why I say it can work.

    • I took your advice to an extent, I wrote her a letter expressing how I feel and told her I'm ready for marriage, she acted uneffected and said "i need time". I think she wants to explore her new relationship, its a rebound and I know it won't work but it worries me how fast she is moving with this guy. I'm afraid its "to little to late"...and that's tough to except.

  • It might be time to buy a ring.

    Good Luck,

    James

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