I miss my ex girlfriend terribly. When we broke up it was because she was (in her words) "not sure this was what she wanted at this point in her life". Feeding me lines like "You're perfect on paper" and "My heart just isn't in the right place to love right now". We were LITERALLY each others best freinds all of last year, and she promised me we would remain friends. We still talked for about 2 weeks after the break up, then she blocked me on FB and unfollowed me on InstaGram. Then a couple weeks after that she deleted the pictures of us on IG (yes, I still check her IG daily). There has been no contact now for almost two months, and all I can do is think about her, where she is, what she's doing, who she's hanging out with, all the typical "What the hell happened? I miss her so much" actions.
I have two questions:
First, if she promised me we would be friensd, and told me I was her best friend in the small town we live in, why the hell is she completely ignoring me and erasing me from her life? That's not the actions of a friend...
Second, I got a hold of a friend to stop by their art shop this wekend, and he told me "Just a heads up, she will be here have some artwork done." I saw this as an opportunity to "run in to her". Should I take it, or just stay the heck away for now? I want nothing more than to see her, and talk to her about us, and why she's erasing me like what we had never happened, but I'm affriad it will just make matters worse.
Thanks for ANY help you can offer.
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I feel like I'm somewhat experienced in devastating heartbreaks, as my first love broke up with me while engaged. We went to a bar one night with friends, and I found her in the corner with a guy flirting with her. I had this insecurity that was building up and I just exploded, got in a brawl with the guy, and got kicked out of the bar. My male friends dragged me out, but immediately I felt feelings of remorse, I wanted to apologize to my fiancee and the guy. Yet my male friends insisted against it and, out of all places, they took me to a topless bar to try to make me feel better. My mood got worse until I stormed out and punched a wall so hard that it shattered my hand. My whole arm was purple the next day, and I eventually went to the hospital and had to be treated for multiple fractures.
I came home to our apartment the next day, she saw my purple hand and arm and asked me about it and I told her, and then she left me. She said she was terrified of me and didn't know me anymore.
The worst part of the story: I left my cell phone in that bar. I recovered it later and found all these messages from her saying she loved me and missed me. And that was the end of that. She e-mailed me months later saying she missed me. I became overjoyed and asked to meet up, and then she replied that she couldn't see me. This was pretty much the end.
I was brokenhearted for years following that, and went into a total life of debauchery, alcohol, loose women, trying to find that feeling of being in love again. It was all misery. I watched her on social networks, would check my cell phone every day hoping she might message me, and this went on for over a year.
The thing is, for all heartbreaks I tend to kind of be a broken record. You have to heal your bleeding heart, even if you want her back. A wounded animal is unattractive to no one. I had to fall in love again to fill that empty void in my heart again, and it wasn't with a person initially, I fell in love with interests like creating synth music. I reinvented myself, changed my fashion, got a whole new set of friends, networked like crazy, went traveling to new places, etc. etc. Eventually I had things motivating me to wake up and do other things, and that's when I was finally starting to heal.
Years later, I found my wife through a friend of a friend of a friend. And, funnily enough, on my bachelor's party, I ran into that first love in that same bar. She wanted me back, but it was too late -- I had moved on.1