Girlfriend of 7 months split up with me for feeling too 'suffocated' in the relationship and wanted to be single, don't know what to do?

okay, so about 5 days ago me and my girlfriend of 7 months split up. This all started a week before when we fell out over something stupid on a night out which lead to me ending the relationship (massively regretted it) I ended up driving to hers the next morning all hungover and talking things through and she came to the conclusion she doesn't think she can be with me anymore. That's when things started to go downhill. she said she wanted space so I left. we didn't speak for roughly 3 days and them I had a text out of no where saying 'you okay', I replied 'not too bad, you?' she replied 'getting on okay without me then?' so I immediately rang her and said 'listen, can I come pick you up and we'll talk about things?' she agreed. I picked her up and everything seemed fine, like nothing had happened, it was strange. a few days passed and I received a text in the morning off her saying she thinks things have changed and she feels suffocated in the relationship and she wants to be single, I completely broke down. I can't even begin to explain how much I love this girl and how I'd do anything to get her back. it's been 5 days since then, she randomly texts me, usually on a night around 7/8 every other day asking if im okay. like, randomly? out the blue. I don't understand. yesterday I couldn't do it anymore, I said to her, right if you want to move on, I don't want you to text me, because it isn't fair if she's possibly talking to other guys and I'm just on the sidelines waiting for her, as much as it's absolutely crushed me inside and I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to get past this, I had to do it. I've tried my absolute best to not look like an idiot and beg for her back. I dropped her things two nights ago, I said I completely understood her reasons and I accept it, aslong as she's happy I am. but inside I'm dying. we spent every day together, maybe we just need some time apart? I need her. do I have another chance with her?


Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Can we chat? I might be able to help.

    In a summary though it seemed like she was seeing whether or not you had any initiative to text her first and make her feel desired rather than her chasing you.

    You broke it off, you came back begging, then she hears nothing from you. It sends mixed messages as though you're only half genuine in wanting her back.

    • yes of course, message me. any advice would be much appreciated, I'm going through a very rough time at the moment.

    • Show All
    • I believe she will told me, I have nothing to tell you, and will ask the question why you're here?
      but I didn't mention that last year she had an abortion with twins, she was pregnant at the beginning at said to me, I'm not going to destroy my life wanting an abortion, I realized they were twins after she went trought abortion and believe that this is big mistake, she just didn't want to have them, afraiding how other people will look at her..

    • @DarkManX No offence, but she was either concerned about having kids without being married first and being bailed on by you when raising babies got tough or she's a shallow person more concerned about her physical appearance. Only you know the answer of which one.

      Ask her the question anyway. What do you have to lose? You want her don't you? Start out saying how the pair of you were happy for years but suddenly she's unhappy. What did you do wrong that made her unhappy?

      Avoid being confrontational or she'll clam up and give you the same answer as last time. If you nake it sound like you think it's your fault she's unhappy she'll be more likely to open up and explain. Most importantly, don't interrupt her. Let her talk first and get it all out, then try and suggest a solution that's doable and not drastically demanding on her.

      You want her to work this out with you, so no direct pressure questions unless you feel the question won't make things go pear-shaped.

What Guys Said 2

  • Firstly: If this doesn't end well, you WILL get over it. I thought I was going to die of heartache over several different break-ups, and I never did. It's going to suck, but you'll get through it. My remedy has always been absolute radio silence with that person after a break up. Don't see her, don't facebook her, don't text her don't anything. That way you will have time to heal.

    However, on a more positive note, you still have a chance. Don't kick yourself too hard. And don't overthink your or her messages and actions. Though it is extremely important to actually think at least a little but. I know it's hard and emotions are overbearing. Try to put yourself in her situation and imagine what your deeds and words would have done to you. If you think that through clearly, you will naturally come to understand what you need to do. But that is very dependent on both of your personalities, and the fact that she is most likely a woman, and you, most likely, are not.

    A woman feels and reacts differently in these situations, but it's not as if she's from outer space. She will listen to reason and will react to how she thinks she is being treated. If she feels you are desperate, she might be scared off. But she might also find that attractive, because she needs to be wanted. (you will hear a lot of women say those words "I want to be wanted".) Always remember that she is very likely at least as emotional as you are and that she can react as such.

    There's a very delicate balance between desperation and the desire to be wanted, and every women has a different sweet spot in that regard. Only you can sense where that spot lies for her yourself. If at all possible, ask women close to you and close to her. They will often know what works for your gene pools. Ask your mother or sister and possibly hers. It helps if you already got along with her family. But watch out when communicating with them, because you can get yourself in the 'desperation pool' if you overdo it.

    Good luck to you. Don't despair!

    • thanks for the advice,
      I'm still struggling, desperate to just text her and beg for her back. but I know that'll get no where.
      her words we're 'I feel suffocated and can't be tied down to a relationship'
      'I've ousted my friends away because of the relationship' etc.. when her friends dont care about her anyway,
      the thing is we spent every single day together that's where I can see where the 'suffocation' comes into cause I kind of felt the same, but if never end it over that?
      I'm 20 she's 18.
      I'm just praying she comes around and comes back to me.
      I'm pretending I'm happy and pretending nothing is getting to me so I don't look weak and needy, because no girl wants that from a man, but inside I'm breaking.
      the worst is that all this seems like it's not bothering her at all.
      I know she loves me and I know she cares cause she kept texting asking of in okay, but I just had to tell her to stop texting me if she wants to move on because it just isn't fair on me,
      I hope it works out.

    • You don't have to pretend to be happy to prove you aren't needy or desperate. There's a middle ground. And it doesn't hurt to show her you care. Remember, you're the one who broke up with her in the first place. She will have that in mind all the time. Showing her that that was a mistake should be one of your top priorities. She's was probably hurt very much and is trying to see if you care enough about her to show her that. It's hard to tell you how to do that exactly, because that varies strongly from person to person.

      One more thing: have you actually apologized for the drunk break up? And by that, I mean did you utter the words "I am sorry (name), I must of hurt you and I am sorry". If not, get your ass over there and say them. Don't text them. Say them to her face.

  • Let her go for a while, do not try to push things it will make things worse dude