Chance with ex girlfriend

lengthy:

my ex and I broke up mid december and I still find myself thinking about her before bed and when I wake up. I miss her company a lot, our relationship got very argumental(if that's a word) a lot towards the end of it a lot of it had to do with her not trusting me when I went out with my single friends, although she was convinced I would never cheat on her she still had some issues from when I used to talk to my girl friends in the first month of our relationship and past girls that I hooked up with - nothing was inappropriate but she just didn't approve so I stopped...anywas in jan some guy at her work asked her to go out with him to dinner, she agreed and they went on I think 2 dates or so...she later told me he asked her out but she refused because number one she wasn't over me and number two she just saw him as a friend and someone tot alk to about what hapened with us...now its February and 9 days ago she called me two times and of course I didn't pick up...she texted me PLEASE HELP ME on the phone so I called immediate to see if she was safe or needed someone there..she didn't pick up but said "im fine I got help" about 15 min later..the next day I went to her work (where I work out) and up to her desk to see if she was alrigth and what actually happened..before I could say a thing I got "get away from my desk, leave me alone, stop coming to see me every friday" - now the friday before that I had come to see her because she called and needed something from me...which is why I didn't get the stop seeing me every friday..anyways I walked away with a whater, what the hell just happened look on my face and as I was leaving I got a 'go f yourself'..later that day I texted her and was like yo you can't get this twisted I was respecting you and leaving you alone, I just got worried and wanted to know what exactly happened' she told me 'i can't get over you if you don't leave me alone and I'm seeing somone else right now and it wouldn't be fair to him, he makes me happy and I don't want to hurt him' - this was a complete shock because we both agreedd not to talk about new people...i was just confused I mean 2 months after a 1y8mo relationship and she's on to someone else? I confirmed wshe was seeing someone by looking in her car to see if the stuffed cookie monster I gave her was still there..it was along with a stuffed teddy bear on the passenger seat - conclusion she went on a date with him on vday I guess? anyways is this guy a rebound? what can I do to pull her back? I haven't contacted her at all...she texted me mid week to tell me to look at her old house which was demolished and she was upset because she can't look back and see her childhood memories..i didn't say anything..im staying NC..im still head over heals for her and I miss her terribly..i go out and have fun and am slowly moving on, but I will never feel the same for anyone again..any ideas on how I can bring her back to me? is there even a chance with this new guy around

Updates:
she always told me shed never feel the same with anyone else...but sometimes I think she just said that to make me feel better and sometimes I actually believe her...her best friends said she will always love me as she has in the past..
i just don't know what to think or do...what would be my first step in getting us to see each other again? my bday is march 12 I'm curious is she's going to contact me - if she does do I ask her to bfast or lunch (less of a date than dinner) at that time?
its hard to believe she has actually moved on when she said I can't get over you if you don't stop talking to me...like she's forcing herself to get over me? ughh I'm just confused and want to know my chances of getting her back or if I'm wasting my time?
i feel like once I get her 1on1 she will fall for me again, like she did when I saw her in person every time after the break up except for the one at her work...i just wanna show with my actions I've changed and we can be perfect! I think she needs time?
Asked er to lunch the other day and everything went great she said she's been really missing me and thinking about me a lot...I've been the turtle in this rat race and not jumping into anything or any conclusions , I'm just gonna take this slow
Chances are good...I told her right now we can't be together because she has school and a full time job...being with me and not trusting me would add more stress..once she trusts me 100% and have time to work on us I told her we could give it a shot

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Most Helpful Girl

  • ok, ok so your freakin out here. First of all, stop it. Stop it all. Girls say things like "I'll never get over" you, all the time, and don't know what they're talking about.

    This is what you do. Do not contact her. Answer texts with a delay, but answer them MATURELY. Now, do you want her to salivate? Do a new routine in the gym, beef it up baby. Get yourself a tan going. I know sounds stupid, but I am a girl, I know.

    Develop a new interest- sport, etc. preferably something with a lot of ladies around. Be independent, strong and leave her alone to consider what she is missing. Oh, she'll come around. :)

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    • That's exactly what I've been doing...no lies:) thanks

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What Girls Said 6

  • the thing is, don't initiate anything till this girl is out of a relationship but maybe sit over coffee and talk about things, see how she reacts to your suggestion of getting back and fixing problems. and it depends on what problems you had exactly.

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  • im sort of in the same position, but I'm the girl who got finished and the ex is the on telling me to leave him alone. we had a short relatioship, nearly 4 months, but that guy was everything to me. we was so good together, but I ruined it, I went on his Facebook with I said id never do but he was hiding something. he said his feelings were drifting away from me but he didn't tell me before so I couldn't of done anything about it. all I want is him back he finished me valentines day and everyday has been so hard, all he keeps saying is catch you on the rebound? like what does that even mean? I hate him for putting me through this but I love him soo much. I just want him back and want him to realise we could be better then before all it needs is time. but enough of me, maybe you should ask her out for a quite drink? but say it serious and things need to be said otherwise you both won't be able to move on together or withouth eachother. either way you guys needs to have a serious talk itsharder because you both work with eavhother or same place, well suprise suprise that's the same with me and my ex and we work together on the same days and same hours together, but no talking :/ . if you want her back you have to tell her exactly how you feel otherwise nothing will happen, she'll become worse towards you and eventully not take any notice of you, take it from a girl like me with experience hun.

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    • Well I don't work with her, I have a second job that I work at the same place...not the same hours...i usually just work out there because the hours are slow....i told her that I loved her and wanted to be with her but I knew that whatever I said it wouldn't change her mind at that moment because of her emotions all balled up...i haven't spoken to her in 8-9 days and she contacted me once, I said something about bfast, lunch before and she said sounds good, but won't go thru with it I know...

    • My bday is in march, should I ask her around my bday if shed like to go out to bfast or lunch...i know not to bring up the past, but ill ask how she's doing with school/work/family/etc and just be myself and maybe she'll get a reminder of how things were and how they could be better...im going to try and keep things NC...im worried she won't contact me for my bday and I won't have an opportunity to ask her to eat...i don't want to contact her either, even tho she was the last to contact me, ughh

  • well first of all Honey if you were dateing her b4 AND hang out with ur ex-girlfriends and just friends well that's going 2 b trouble! you have 2 b dar 4her and you have 2 show her that what ever she needs what ever wen ever that ur always dar 4 her! now that you screwed up! (no offence) you have to tlk 2 her 1 day and tell her that even thogh things were tuff btween you 2 that you 2 should at least b friends and start fresh and if she says she doesn't want 2 mess things up with her guy just say ur not asking 2 spend time with her and hang with her ur asking 4 a fresh start and just b friends so there's no tension btween you 2! if she says yes! then start acting like a sweet always there 4 her Just a friend person and ur in! hope this helps message me if you think it helped or didn't or what eve!

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  • I honestly think you should just leave her alone. Maybe she just needs time. If its meant to be, she will come around, trust me. Sometimes it just takes realizing what you had, from a step back.

    On the other hand, I also feel her actions are rather immature? If she can't respect you in this sticky situation, she must not care for you too much. I mean your going through a break up too?!?

    It sounds like your a great guy! And trust me! there are soo many great ladies out there just looking for a sweet guy like u

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  • She's trying to get over you, but she's messin with you too. Next time she says she needs help, ask her if she really duz mean. I hate this girl already, she's screwing around.

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  • I know you love her so much. But you should move on.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I feel for you, I can't say my situation is as bad as yours however I know the feeling of not being able to get her out of your head. With time anything is possible, if she is seeing someone else and doesn't want you around then I highly doubt she is over you. He is probably a rebound, and it's probably easier for her to handle the simple emotions with that rebound than the intense emotions she probably has for you.

    The best advice I can give you is to just continue being a friend to her. It seems she doesn't want you to be completely out of her life and without knowing the situation better I can't tell if it's best to give her space or try to reach out to her. Continue to be a friend and stay strong, don't let the sorrow bring you down.

    It's best to just be you, if she realizes that she really does still care for you and come back to you, congratulations and best of luck. If not, then it wasn't meant to be, and you will come across something that is more wonderful than you could ever imagine.

    I'll keep you in my prayers!

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    • Hey man, I appreciate this post...and you're right, some days are A LOT harder than others...i find when I wake up and the first few hours of work are hard for me...but afternoon/nights/weekends are ok...which is a good sign...i will stay her friend, I'm trying to limit contact and letting her reach out...its got to be SLOW but CONSISTANT - I get that, we both have to show with our actions that we are different...have you tried working out or do you already? changing ur image is def a plus!

    • I never really thought about the emotional part tho, that's very intersting and a good point - although I'm not getting hopes up...we both certainly agree if its meant to be it will be...i let her go once and now I feel its her turn to let me go...i was in her shoes once so I know what its like...well a little different I just didn't want to be committed I was in college and wanted to fool around...things are diff now...maybe shell see I've actually matured b4 its too late...GOOD LUCK TO YOU AS WELL

  • Look, dude, I'm sorry in advance for what I'm going to say because it is going to be a kick square in the nuts. CUT CONTACT.

    At the minute, you are her friend. You are in the 'friend zone', get it?! You want to be her strong, protective man, so pull yourself together and tell her that you care about her but you can't be friends with her. Not until you get over her, or she misses you enough to call you and consider what YOU want.

    It is for your own good.

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    • Ive established that...im assuming she'll contact me for my upcoming bday...i may ask her to lunch or bfast JUST to catch up...IF she contacts me....but that's exactly what I'm doing, ill still show her I care and that I've changed with my actions when I get those chances...but right now that's exaclty what I'm doin...she contacted me last and I haven't said anything in 2 and a half weeks...its gettin hella easier, it'd be nice to see her and show her I'm different tho...girls can't help how they feel

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