Why is my ex still trying to contact me?

We dated for a year and broke up for 3 weeks in the summer after he got drunk around me and ended the relationship. After three weeks he called saying he wanted to see how I was doing. I kept asking what he was wanting. He eventually said he missed me and that he wanted to go to dinner to work things out. So... we went to dinner and got back together. Some history on him... he won't drink around me because he said he doesn't want me to see him drunk. Ok long story short. On new years eve he had planned dinner and he wanted to go to my friends get together. I didn't care what we did because I had to work three in a row after that. Then, he had been at a bar for like two hours and came and picked me up and we went back there. He had so many shots and was drinking and who knows what he had before. He canceled the dinner reservations and just wanted to drink and party. He's 32. I'm 29. Then, I suppose he didn't want to go to my friends anymore and wanted to party with his boys. He was drunk and he lost it on me. He took me home... cursed me out... told me he had cheated... it was nuts. I was sober because I wasn't drinking since I worked the next day. I was afraid he was going to hit me. I ended it and he didn't want me to. Anyways jan 1, 2, 3... he called 12 times... sent 15 texts... left voicemails crying. He said he loved me so much... he wanted to fix it... he wanted to explain everything sober... and the one thing... He said "i lost control when i drank and thats something i never wanted to do around you." I didn't respond to anything. I told him if he ever cheated he's dead to me. This past week... three weeks out again.. he called and texted and texted and just wanted to see how i was doing once again. Then he got mad "so are you never going to talk to me again?" Then i thought he's done. Oh no he called me on Monday and Tuesday. What is going on? What is his problem? What does he not understand that it's over?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He want's a chance just to talk, It could be a lot of things but if I had to guess he want's closure. He want's a chance to explain himself to you and he want's you to really think about what he has to say. He feels like he never got a fair chance which is understandable. It's something he's genuinely sorry for and he thinks that entitles him to at least the opportunity to get to talk to you. He might even want to just be friends if he cares about you enough.

    Anyway, you should meet up with him to explain that it's over.

    The fact is, your reaction to what he did shows immaturity and that you didn't really care about him anyway. Immature for not understanding that he's human and he warned you that he doesn't want to be drunk around you and the latter because you were so ready to drop the relationship over what happened.

    I mean really? you immediately broke up with him? you didn't talk to him or anything? How could you do that to someone you're supposed to love? Not even give the poor guy a chance a chance to say his final piece to you. You act like what he did that night was the end of the world. Honestly, the more I think about it, the more on his side I get. He sounds like a good guy who has made mistakes in his life but would be willing to change for you if you just give him enough time. Something tells me you don't deserve him.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Sounds like he still cares. But if he's cheated on you, then he would more than likely cheat on you again if you got back with him. The fact that he is an alcoholic is shit too, they hurl abuse at you one night and the next day they acting like everything is fine and dandy, they have no recollection of the verbal diarrhoea that came out of their mouths the night before. I think he regrets cheating bit too bad. Sever all ties with this asshole.

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    • Hey, thanks for the mho. X

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What Guys Said 4

  • No, he doesn't want closure. He is an alcoholic and he is engaging in a compulsive behavior. If you talk to him and rebuke his entreaty for a reconciliation, he will not be content with having closure but he will persist in continuing to seek an audience with you. You should ask the local shelter for battered women if your location has a law which would provide for an injunction that prohibits him from contacting you. That may be necessary.

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  • When people are drunk they say stupid shit. He probably didn't cheat or maybe he did. Don't trust a drunk person words, even if it comes across as hurtful.

    What he needs is to go to AA meetings. He needs to stop drinking because he sounds like he is suffering from severe depression.

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  • This guy is a pos and steer clear of him!!! One, he may be older but you're more mature than he is, two, this guy sounds like he could be very violent and is very selfish. His friends and drinking are way more important than you. The reason he calls u is to fill those slots where he ha nothing going on and he knows he messed up and he's caught between adulthood and frat boy. Guys take breakups harder than women because its a blow to there egos, because if they can't keep a girlfriend or get divorced it makes us feel less masculine. Men dont handle failure with women well... we were never taught how to deal with it , that's why he calls u. I know this well because I've done similar when i was younger

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  • Tell him to go to AA

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What Girls Said 2

  • It's seems when he's drunk he tells the truth around you which is why he doesn't want to see you when he is that vulnerable end things with this guy you deserve better

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  • I'd block his ass. He seems to have serious issues and sounds kinda crazy. Try to stay away for ur own good.

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