What did I do wrong?

I gave him everything he wanted, even if i felt uncomfortable at first. I changed myself to be the girl he wanted. He said i should jst trust him, that like everyone else he wouldn't hurt me... he swore that all he wanted was to make me happy and that I'm the only one he wanted, over and over he promised, he aaid he doesn't have a wandering eye and that he only loves me. He said he wanted to marry me no matter how many times i said I'll never be that girl, he begged me to commit to him, to give him a chance and that nothing would ever come between me and him, he told me he is the only one who can make me happy. He sounded so sincere, his promises weren't just words he made up, he meant it. I asked him if he was gonna leave me but he replied "my love you are my dream girl, i want to grow old with you and i swear on my life I'd never leave you or do anything to intentionally hurt you. I love you pumkin" i started to commit to him, i kept thinking of our future. Later i found out he has been cheating... he didn't even deny it. How could he do this so easily? Are all men like this? What am i suppose to do?

I took the blame for every fight we had, i apologized first each and every time. I understood and went with it every time he was too busy for me or when he was tired from the day. I would've taken him back if he just said he didn't want to be with those girls. This hurts so much!!!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Some guys are very good at discovering and taking advantage of insecurities and sensitivities. You didn't do anything wrong. He preyed on your past hurts for his own benefit. Whatever you do, stay as far away from that guy as possible. As bad as the pain is now, it would only get worse if you stayed with him. He's not a guy that did a few bad things, he's a bad guy. As awful as it feels right now, you're strong enough to survive the pain.

    Not all guys are as bad as he is. You just have to do what all women do: sort through the pile until you find a good one. How do you know a good one? Forget 99% of what they say. Go by how they treat you. And stay away from the ones that tell you that they're the only one for you.


Most Helpful Girl

  • "I changed myself to be the girl he wanted. " - that's where you went wrong. You become someone else to be someone he wanted. So really you created an illusion- you compromised yourself to keep him. So he wasn't in love with you. He loved the image you created yourself.

    He may have genuinely liked you, and may have meant what he said at the time, but some people are only loyal to their needs, once their needs change so do their priorities. You obviously stopped being his priority.

    All men are not like that , just like all women are not unfaithful or deceitful. So try not to allow his behaviour to define you in a negative way. Just learn a valuable lesson from it -never change who you are as a person because if you do... how can any guy love who you are, if you have to be someone else to be with them

    His actions are a statement about who he is as person, it's a reflection of his character... not yours. He is obviously not the person you thought he was. Heartbreak is inevitable at times, so although you feel hurt and betrayed right now... you will heal and you will love again.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Ok I've done all this myself, first of all you are being the female version of a "nice guy" if you are in or want a healthy relationship it needs to be completely 50/50 have your boundaries set your expectations on how you want to be treated and stick to that and walk away if it does not happen. I know its hard but you need to stop giving everything with nothing in return just like women men dont like push overs either you need that confidence and self esteem. Not all men are like that, I would never cheat personally.


What Girls Said 3

  • You should NEVER have to change who you are for a guy to love you. If a guy requires that then he's not for you. Your first error was to do this and it should have been a massive red flag. The right guy will accept you and love you for who you are today and will not expect you to change.

    No, not all guys are like that. That's like a guy saying are all women cheaters cause of a few women who cheat. The answer is obviously no so don't generalize and down size all men cause of one asshole.

    You are supposed to give yourself time for yourself. Delete his number. Do not go back to him and remember that time will help take the pain away.

  • Move on. Don't give up on love but keep your eyes open and discuss with the next guy if you two are going to be monogamous.

  • The only thing you did "wrong" was trusting his words blindly, probably without analyzing his actions as well. You shouldn't fall for sweet talk like that, especially if you haven't actually known eacht other for a REALLY long time. Like several years.
    But, he's the one who did something wrong here, in the end. Not you. You can't be blamed for wanting to trust someone. And no, not all men are like this luckily.

    • From your update I can tell that you're seriously insecure and a massive pushover. Don't do that to yourself. Grow a backbone and you'll be able to tell when a guy is worth it and when he isn't. This guy cheated on you and you would have STILL taken him back if he had kept sweet talking with you? Just stop. Judge people based on their ACTIONS, not their words. Stop being so naive and blindly trusting whatever people say. If he had told you the earth was flat, would you have believed him too? You need to get a grip honestly! Otherwise people are just going to end up using you and you'll just become more and more hurt. You need to be smarter. You need to protect yourself. You need to check if a person's words match their actions. Otherwise, their words don't mean shit. He basically told you that you meant the world to him but he let you take the blame for every single fight, never holding himself accountable for anything? Clearly you did not mean much based on his actions.

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