Weird situation after break up?

I broke up with my ex about 3 weeks ago. Neither of us have been in touch with each other, other than asking about each other through a mutual friend. I've deleted him off facebook as i wanted to resist the temptation to look at what he's doing, and vice versa.

We were together for 5yrs but he treated me badly and didn't respect me at all. He was emotionally unavailable, lied and emotionally cheated with another girl. I made mistakes in the relationship and we were polar opposites every time we argued. I honestly and openly admitted what i did wrong and apologized (before no contact), he however has yet to accept that part of our relationship ending was his fault too.

Now his birthday is coming up and i feel torn between contacting him to say happy birthday, and not saying anything at all. I still love him but i feel differently about him. I realise all of the negative things he did were deal breakers, and that i simply didn't have enough respect for myself to leave the relationship sooner. But i find myself hoping that he contacts me, even though i'm almost certain he won't. And one minute i'm hoping we can try again, but be stronger than we ever were in the past. But the next minute i don't want to put myself through that again. We went through so much together and had so many good times, yet there was a lot of bad caused by the way he was so secretive with other women and the way he ignored me after every argument. I know he can only change himself but why am i still holding out for him to contact me?

Is there anyone else who's feeling/felt this conflicted 3 weeks after a break up? Should i send him a happy birthday message?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Three weeks is a short time in terms of getting over a breakup. It is entirely normal to feel so conflicted. I think you already know that getting back together would inevitably return you both to the same problems and heartache. There is no reason to believe it would all be completely different the next time. When you feel compelled to go back into all this, give yourself some time so you can remember the suffering it would bring.

    Try to imagine the various ways that a happy birthday message would be received by him. Would you want to draw those kinds of conclusions? One thing it is not likely to bring is an apology for wrongs he did to you. I think you are probably better off not sending that message.

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