Why do I always screw everything up?

I knew this was going to happen, from the first time I ever talked to him, I KNEW it. Alright so I became really good friends with this "popular" guy when I was in middle school and high school. I knew one day he would up and decide he was too good for me. I knew that I was never going to be accepted into that little circle. We actually started dating after a couple of years and I should not have been surprised when he got scared and left me for "one of those girls." I should have just walked away because I knew it was going to happen. BUT NO. I made a complete and utter fool of myself trying to get him back while all of his friends just sat back and got a kick out of all of it.

We actually did quit talking for about a year but I couldn't let go. I mean, I knew a side to him that no one else did. So I continued to be nice whenever I ran into him, I wished him a happy birthday, a Merry Christmas, and I put up with his girlfriend's dirty looks.

Him and his girlfriend broke up and he started talking to me again, even started to apologize to me. All I had wanted for so long was for him to realize that I was right and to realize that I always there for him. I just got so impatient to talk to him again, that I said something really stupid. I made a comment about his ex girlfriend and I'm pretty sure it ticked him off and I'm the one that he doesn't want in his life.

I thought they were broken up for good. They broke up and he said that he was ready to get back to being himself and he didn't have anything to prove to anyone. But then they started talking again. That lasted for like a week. And then before you know it he was saying that he was free from the BS and he wasn't going to torture himself anymore. He also said that she needs to remember that she was the one who let him go. I could be wrong, but I'm almost positive they are getting back together. So I sent him a long ass text message telling him that I shouldn't have said anything about her because it's none of my business. Things were better when I left him alone, I just got impatient. And even though we were friends, that doesn't give me the right to say whatever I want.

WHY DO I KEEP SCREWING UP?! You would think I would have learned my lesson by now! God, why did I even become his friend in the first place! I knew from the second he talked to me that this was how it was going to be, I'd always end up with a broken heart and somehow it's all my fault. Like for real, am I crazy?!

Updates:
I know I didn't totally screw up. I'm just so afraid that I'm going to say or do the wrong thing and lose another year. I don't even know for sure that he took offense to what I said. I don't know for sure that they're getting back together.
I just don't even want to talk to him, I feel like -- once again -- I'm making a total fool of myself.

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What Guys Said 2

  • I don't think you are crazy. Your just seem lacking control of the situation and of yourself.

    the first thing is you need to get out of your head is that you are NOT a screw up. you screwed up. so get over it.

    step 2, relax, don't let the adrenaline, frustration, and emotion build up like that. if grab hold of your self, you should be able keep better control of what you say.

    step 3, lay off of him. guys and girls alike don't enjoy having anyone be so enthralled with them. you don't have to ignore him, rebuild a nice rapport with him.

    lastly, remember its about YOU and HIM. and nobody else. don't worry about past relationships. bygones be bygones, don't worry about social status. its about you and him and nobody else.

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  • You aren't crazy. You might be a little naive, and kind of clumsy with words and ideas, and lack a little self-control, but you're not crazy.

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