The hardest moment of my life, I need help?

I am at a part in life where I am finally stepping out of the complacent day to day bill paying and I am actually investing time into my future. I am very confident and determined to getting into the career field I want and I am very excited to start this journey. Unfortunately, this has created a strain on my almost 8 year relationship with my fiancé. He is very unsupportive but I never noticed before because I never strived to be more. Along with all my new gained confidence a lot of dirt has been stirred that I so blindingly swept under the rug. He disrespects me in public, puts me down and then says he knows he's wrong only to do it all over again. I have really really tried to fix things. I made a list of the things I need in a relationship (teamwork/compromising, appreciation/feeling wanted, trust, support) I told him these are the things I want in a lifetime parter. He said I just need to force him to do things and he will do them and that being an asshole is just the way he is and that it won't change. I am not a dominant person, forcing him to do things (dishes etc) makes me uncomfortable. So I told him that I can't do that. Then our conversation ended and that's when I realized that we aren't going to work like this. Either we would need to change or we would need to end. Nothing is changing and I feel like we are just holding each other back by beating this dead horse. We no longer have chemistry, and the only time we spend time together is if I force him to. I am tired of being the only person putting in effort and I want a partner who inspires me to grow. I feel like I should end it but it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I love him like a close family friend. I love his family like my own, we have children together, a car together, an apartment, this decision would literally change not only everything in my life, but his life and my children's lives. I want to make sure this is the right decision. Where do I even start?


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • He sounds like a loser. I would end things, he's fine with you doing everything and him sitter there while you cook eat and clean. Thats not right you share everything. he's going to hold you back. Its great to see a women on here asking for teamwork /compromising, appreciation/feeling wanted, trust, support. Your in a sinking boat and i would not get on it. I would leave him. Find a guy that will treat you right. Also gain custody of your kids 100%. this way you might be able to never see him again. Do you live with him and is it apt or houes? Love to know more. Just so you know because you have kids doesn't mean you won't find another guy for yourself. I can't have kids so i am looking for a women that already has some. Just saying men like me are out there.


What Girls Said 1

  • A very, very difficult situation to be in.

    First question, and please answer honestly: is there anyone else involved in this? I mean is there a close friendship that has recently developed or have you encountered someone else you could see yourself with? It's often easy to highlight people's bad traits when you have some one justifying and backing up your worries. Not that this is always a bad thing but I'm just curious.

    As for your partner: him saying he's an asshole and that it's never going to change is a bullshit excuse to not address his issues. For you to have to do his side of the work of keeping the relationship alive and meaningful.

    Basically you have to tell him that if he's residing himself to remain an asshole then you're going to have to leave. Ask him why he thinks anyone would want to spend their life, let alone legally bind themselves (marry) an asshole? Don't let him squirm out and not answer, you deserve an answer. If he can't give you one, if he can't see how wrong the situation is then I suggest you find a way of amicably ending things. Dividing assets and child custody etc is hard, but it's only a temporary difficulty compared to a lifetime of difficulty living with a man you don't love. Also think of your children, you'll be teaching them it's ok to settle for the sake of convenience. That isn't a message I would want my kids to learn.

    I wish you all the best in this tough time, but don't walk away too hastily. People can change, especially when they see what is at stake.

    • There was a friend involved quite some time ago, I feel like that could have highlighted some of the bad traits, but honestly it's hard for me to find good ones now days. It makes me feel kind of foolish that I didn't see this coming earlier. I think I just lacked the confidence before.

    • This often happens when one person tries to better their lives and the other person is content to stay where they are.

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