How to walk away with the least collateral damage?

I am in a very long term relationship but I feel that it has kind of run its course. I love him dearly, but I am no longer in love with him. Normally, I would just walk away from the relationship, but we have young children together. I know that if I break his heart, he will walk away from the children as well, even though he loves them. Thats just how his defence mechanism works. And that is something that I cannot bare. My children should not have to pay for the failure of their parents relationship. In my country, the absent parent has to pay child support, but does not have to have anything to do with the kids. So I know he will pay, but he won't see them.

How do I walk away, without breaking his heart? Do I wait for a time when he has been a right twat and is on the wrong side of the arguement? I cannot talk to him about this as it will only end in an argument.


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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I have no experience with this/ have no idea what you should do.

    But I did want to say, good for you for recognizing the situation and the stakes involved. More importantly some women, perhaps most in your situation would just go out and start cheating on the man instead of handling it like an adult. I'm not sure if opinion of some random guy matters to you, but I'm proud of you and I'm sorry as hell it's ending.

    • Ummmm, your random guy inexperienced opinion actually does matter. Whilst it won't help me with my question in hand, it makes me feel like I am taking all the right things into consideration and attempting to go about this the right way. And yea, I think a lot of other people would just go out and cheat... but for me, what example will I be setting for my children if I did.

      So thanks! Your comments are appreciated.

What Girls Said 1

  • You should be honest, tell him how wonderful of a father he is (if he is) and that they come first, however your heart is not in the relationship and tell him you don't want the children to pay for the break up. It really sucks that he would walk away too from the children which puts pressure on you to have stayed this long.

    • Thanks for your comments. I do need to talk to him, I just don't know how to find the right words. He is a best friend and I do not want to hurt him but, in turn, am I being hurt by staying with him? And no, I shouldn't have the added pressure/fear of him walking away from the kids.

      Hey is a bit of a late bloomer with fatherhood, but the older the kids get, the better he is at it. So whilst he is no wonderful father at this point, he could well be in the near future and I would hate to jeopardise that.

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