Still don't know!

Majority of you who read my last post are probably tired of the teenage whining, but I'm still stuck.

I always thought that I was smart and more mature in dealing with being in a relationship. I WAS really good with managing with keeping everything equal. I never had a problem with balancing work/friends/boyfriend/school. But, once he ended things with me (to go back to his ex girlfriend whom he cheated on me with) it was like not only something was missing, I just lost ambition for anything else. I constantly beat myself up for seeming so weak, after investing so much thought into keeping everything balanced to PREVENT this from happening. It just makes me regret everything so much more than you can ever imagine.

I don't know where to move from here. It bothers me so much that he's happy, and I'm so miserable. I mean, I know that sounds odd that it bothers me that the person I'm in love with and have been in love with is happy, but it's because he's not with me. Not happy with me.

Would he even think of me? We spent so long together, it was as easy as breathing, so I thought. This is so heart-wrenching, and nothing feels like it's getting better.

I've never been one to be confident in myself. I've never found myself attractive, I've never been outgoing by any means. I spend most of my time reading and studying and working... it's no wonder he probably got bored. ;\
Still don't know!
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