Still don't know!

Majority of you who read my last post are probably tired of the teenage whining, but I'm still stuck.

I always thought that I was smart and more mature in dealing with being in a relationship. I WAS really good with managing with keeping everything equal. I never had a problem with balancing work/friends/boyfriend/school. But, once he ended things with me (to go back to his ex girlfriend whom he cheated on me with) it was like not only something was missing, I just lost ambition for anything else. I constantly beat myself up for seeming so weak, after investing so much thought into keeping everything balanced to PREVENT this from happening. It just makes me regret everything so much more than you can ever imagine.

I don't know where to move from here. It bothers me so much that he's happy, and I'm so miserable. I mean, I know that sounds odd that it bothers me that the person I'm in love with and have been in love with is happy, but it's because he's not with me. Not happy with me.

Would he even think of me? We spent so long together, it was as easy as breathing, so I thought. This is so heart-wrenching, and nothing feels like it's getting better.

I've never been one to be confident in myself. I've never found myself attractive, I've never been outgoing by any means. I spend most of my time reading and studying and working... it's no wonder he probably got bored. ;\


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Ok...Here it goes. For starters, you is the only thing you need to think about. All of this problem goes away as soon as you focus 100% on you. Your ex has no magical control over you. You have to give him PERMISSION to impact the way you think about him. In other words, he can't force you to like him, love him, etc. YOU are the only one who determines what feelings, perceptions, ideas, etc that you have about your "external" reality.

    So start by not caring what your ex is doing, thinking, acting, etc. Most guys put up a front after we break up with a girl, that "ah, no big deal" or "so what...I didn't care for her much any way" kind of front. Its to show we are tough and that we are in control of our feelings. So don't fall into his trap. YOU choose what to let impact you, so dont.

    So now that you know you are in control of your brain, start putting positive things into it. You say you are smart, so Google "Neuro Linguistic Programming". In a nutshell, if you put positive things into your brain, the result is your personality/behavior will be positive. Likewise, put negative things in, you get negative things out.

    So to start with, I want you to write a list of ALL the things you appreciate. Don't leave stone unturned. Then put it on your mirror you look in the morning and read them every day. Then...I want you to write another list...this time list everything you like about yourself. Again, put it on your mirror and read it every morning. Now comes the kicker...I want you to write a list of qualities of the ideal you. Meaning, if you had a way to shape yourself into the ideal person, what would that person look like? What qualities would they have? Write it down in the PRESENT tense, not future tense and...again, place it on the mirror.

    This last paper, read it out loud to yourself every morning. It may say something like for example "I am beautiful, all my friends like me, I'm smart, intelligent, helpful. I love learning. I love people. I'm respectful to my teachers, parents, friends of parents..." Say it firmly with passion. BELIEVE in it...heck, you wrote it about yourself, so roll in it. Do this EVERY day. Before you know it, you will be flying in the clouds with energy.

    If you want to significantly change your life, go to this link. link This is a major plan to alter your life for the better. A Master Plan, if you will. Enter your email address in the top right hand corner to get started. This will take time, but will change you into a superwoman.

    I will leave you with this...You must love yourself first before you can love someone else. I will say it again...you MUST love YOU first, before you can love someone else. So focus on you, and the rest of your world will magically fall into place.

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What Guys Said 0

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What Girls Said 3

  • He will be miserable eventually also. that's just how you have to think hun, don't even be concerned about someone that doesn't care about you as much. think about him a being a stranger to you for now on or better yet don't think about him at all. I know it might be hard at times but just try it. do something that you know makes you happy or go out places to take your mind off of it. he wasn't thinking about you when he left you so I don't think he is now. it seems to me you just need some you time for now, k?. :]

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  • Don't feel bad. I am in a similar situation. I finally realized that I had things I needed to fix for myself, and I am working on them. I still cry often because I miss him. I still wish things were different, but I know that I just have to be strong for myself. Some things that help me: working out-I am starting to run races., journaling, going to sleep early to take care of me, letting myself think things through if I can't sleep, making sure I eat, realizing that I can't give up on everything because of him. There is nothing you did wrong to make him cheat on you. NOTHING, no that. No one deserves to be treated in that way ever. All it did was make you feel worse about yourself. Don't let him affect you anymore. That is what I am trying to do. It's not easy. In fact, its incredibly hard. Just go day by day. Promise yourself that you will not think about the past or the future right now. Just think about you.

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  • three words : get over it x

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