She broke up with me for something I didn't do and I love her too much and want to be back in her life! What should I do?

My girlfriend got really mad with me because she found on an old notebook HD some intimate photos from my ex, which I really didn't even remembered existed. This HD is from 7 years ago, and she found it when I was on a business travel.

I truly understand her pain and I was sorry for have forgotten that old trash, and the worst is that that HD was on her apartment.

We really love each other and everything was working fine between us, we were making plans for our future together and even started some of those plans.

I explained her that that was nothing that I have done against her, I've just neglected that old trash, but she still believe I was really storing tha s**t. I also said to her that no matter what happened on my past, this has nothing to do with our present and it changes nothing between us, just like she also have a past and I don't bother her about it.

It's been 6 long days since she broke up with me and all the time I try to talk to her she attack me directly with offensive words that really hurt a lot! She made clear that she don't want anything with me anymore. At the same time she send a message once in a while to offend or to question or to reaffirm she no longer want me in her life.

What should I do? I apologized some times, sent some romantic messages reaffirming how important she is in my life and how much I want to help her cure this wound, but she's still rejecting me.

Only one more thing, maybe an important one: everytime I send a message (Whatsapp, Instagram) she take a look immediatly. Also she asked me to forget her forever 2 days ago, but she kept sending me questions about my past and offending me.

Update - She just talked to me to explain her point, even after she asked me to forget her and leave her alone. So I listen to her audios and I replied saying I feel really sorry and that NOTHING was made against her and our relationship, and affirming how important she is in my life.

She questioned me about other things, nothing serious (I forgot to tell her about a document with my ex name) and I explained. She got mad with me again and said that we have nothing. I don't understand!
Yesterday she blocked me on Whatsapp and right after she started sending me SMS. This morning she just unblocked me on Whatsapp and I've just received two messages from her and I'm about to open the messages right now.


Most Helpful Girl

  • she is obviously hurt, and she is right to feel this way. You need to see it from her point of view. I dont think that she really wants to break up with you. If you want to fix this just be patient. Make sure that you reassure her every day that you love her and this was just a mistake. If she makes silly comments just dont engage in arguments. Sort of like been the adult when she acts like a child. I believe you can fix this by making her understand that only she matter to you

    • Hi! Thank you for your help and perspective! You're right, I have to be patient and give her more space, and mostly don't engage in arguments anymore, because every time I argue with her the things get worse. I've reaffirmed many times and even cried a lot saying how important she is in my life, and now I think I'm going to stop this behavior for a while, because I think she needs to miss my attention and caring a little. One important thing you said is that you don't think she really wants to break up with me, even cause she still reply messages, sometimes she is the one who take the initiative, and when she answer any message I feel a lot of anger on her messages, which suggests that there's a strong feeling in her heart. Thank you so much! :)

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    • i am happy to hear that you are back together :) i hope you will work it out so there is balance and respect from her side. With my friend well i gave an end to it. For many years i was the kind of person that never quits and keep trying and trying even when is more than obvious that things dont work. But i have now learned a lesson. We talking about a friend that for 6 months i supported through many situations, i sat few nights talking to him about his problems because this was making him feel better and many times i put my life on hold because he needed me. But for him was always when he needed me, he couldn't bother for anything else. One day i was really bad i had a serious problem and i asked him if we could just talk a bit. He preferred to *spend chill time* with a friend that he just met the day before. When you spend 6 months putting your life on hold and giving time to someone almost every day you d expect that if you ask ONCE for some support you will have it.

    • i talked to him about this and he admitted he was wrong but he just kept the same behavior. So next time that he said he needed me i said i am sorry i can not at the moment but i am sure your new friend (the one i mentioned earlier) can help you. The reply was that i am *jealous* * needy* and * he dont have time for this* . To be honest made the decision easier and i just let it go. He regrets it now but i am done , i prefer to give my time and devotion to someone who will appreciate it. As i said i spend over 30 years trying to make one sided relationships /friendships to work and i won't do this anymore. Anyway, as i said is nice to see that you are back with your girlfriend, i wish you the best :)

Most Helpful Guy

  • This sounds like it hit her more peraonally than it should have.
    Have you asked, or do you know, if she has ever neen cheated on before?

    • Hi, Jack! Yes, she already got cheated before and more than once. I though about this too and I said to her that I'll never be capable of cheating her because she's my everything, and that I know this happened before to her but that I'm not one of her ex and this is another relationship.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • I don't want to hurt your feelings since you love her but a person's past is a person's past and she completely overreacted. Besides it was private nude pics that couples send to each other very often. AND it was 7 years ago, I mean really? It's not that she found out that 7 years ago you molested a child or committed some other crime. I don't really believe you have a future together, cause even if she gets back to you, I assume she will be constantly reminding you of this fact and wanting you to feel guilty. I'm sorry to say this but that's what I think.

    • Hi, Vicka! Thank you for your perspective! This was my first though: "What? Pics from 7 years ago! It doesn't matter!". I understand her point, she probably got jealous (even though she denies at all costs), and I apologized and reaffirmed how important she is in my life, I even got too emotional and started crying. I really love her a lot, and I know I can be happy with someone else, but I'll miss her and I don't want to be with someone thinking on another person, I wanna love for real! And I've choose her, I really love her personality and everything else, which I won't find in other women. I'll keep in mind what you said about she repeating this process over and over again making me feel guilty, I really appreciate your reminder! Thank you very much! :)

    • You're very welcome☺️

What Guys Said 2

  • Have to agree with @Vicka-Sophia. I think she is overreacting and also not believing you that its from the past hints very strong trust-issues. Not to mention it kinda is a huge red-flag she is reacting this way once she gets hurt.

    I can understand that she is being hurt, but the way she handles it should give you actually some serious doubts and questions. And instead of self-castrating and constantly apologising, you should stick up to what happened. Tell her that you are sorry for what happened, but that she is overreacting and apparently not trusting you with what you are telling her.

    Having done something hurtful on accident doesn't mean you need to amputee your entire backbone.

    • Hi! Man, you got a point! Really, you are absolutely right! She's really overreacting on something that I even didn't mean to. I'll stop apologizing and I'm going to enter the silent mode, waiting her to come to me to talk, because every time I try she attacks me fiercely. Your analogy was just amazing, it doesn't mean I have to amputee my entire backbone neither her, period! Thank you very much :)

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    • Hi, sorry for the delay!

      We are together again! She talked to her therapist and she understood that her approach was very confusing and aggressive for me. So I invited her to talk the next day (Saturday) on a coffee shop and she said ok... but 30 seconds after she sent another message: "To be honest, I want to go back to you as soon as possible because I miss you!".

      We both agreed to talk seriously about our relationship dynamics, and it'll be probably tonight.

      Thank you really very very much, you helped me a lot my friend! I hope I can help you back in some way, so count on me! :)

    • Sounds good. You might want to consider to talk about a sort of "safeword". Aka a word that makes both of you stop whatever you are doing right that moment. When she has those outbursts and you are willing to try it all, it might hepl.

  • Cut contact with her. If she contacts you tell that you'd like to meet up with. If she says no, tell her to contact you when she has calmed down and move on.

    • Hi, thank you Womb! You're right, I'm entering on silent mode and to be honest, I think I was giving myself too little credit for everything good I've done for her without blinking! She needs to calm down and miss my attention and caring a little. Thank you, man! :)

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