How can I get her back after I cheated on her?

My fiance and I have been together for 3 years, living together for 1.5, our wedding was planned for May 22, 2010. I had a one-night stand about 4 months ago and she found out about it around Christmas. Things were OK and she said she forgave me and the wedding was still on. A week ago she had a change of heart, she decided we should call of the wedding and wasn't sure if we should stay together. For a week we slept in separate bedrooms and she spent all of her times at friends houses besides sleeping. We spoke a few times and things got very emotional and have also been Facebooking each other a few times a day. She said she wants to stay with me but feels she needs to get over the pain first. She's moving with her Aunt and needs space, so as of today I won't be contacting her at all until she's ready to talk. We have plans to go see a play next weekend. Any ideas how I can get through this time without trying to contact her? Any advice on how to get her back once she wants to talk? She said she still loves me but isn't "in love" with me anymore and I need to make her fall in love with her again. Any advice is appreciated!


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What Girls Said 1

  • TIME. Sincerity. No gimmick, no trick, no easy outs. You've gotta start from scratch again and prove you're trustworthy. Trying to rush your way back into it will make her have doubts ... patience shows your committed.

    • That's what I was thinking. I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I started seeing a therapist a few weeks ago and she agreed to come with me to a session on thursday. Right after the big argument last week she agreed to come to a play with me which is this saturday. I think the fact we talked a lot this first week (a little of both of our fault) was a bad thing since she needs space. I'm finally giving her that space now so hopefully things will work out. Thanks for your advice.

What Guys Said 1

  • The problem with cheating on a woman is that you prepare yourself for a world of pain: she's got an incentive for revenge and you've confirmed her worst fears - you can't be trusted. Ask yourself whether or not you could marry somebody you couldn't trust. She's asking herself that every day.

    I notice a gaping discrepancy here - she forgave you and then decides to bring it up AFTER forgiving you? That's not a great sign at all. Assuming your infidelity is still the cause is obviously going to be the first reason which springs to mind but I don't think it's that.

    Pretend like you're dating again, not engaged. If that doesn't convince her to marry you again then there's nothing you could do as she was already on her way out anyway: "I want to stay with you" and "I need space" are two contradictory statements - how can you need space from somebody you want to be with?

    Here's my personal opinion: it's for the best you two separate instead of trying to win back. Only somebody who's desperate or planning revenge crawls back to somebody who's unfaithful. And next time round, it'll be you who's going to come off worse.

    • Mark,

      Thanks for the information. The reason she said she needs space is to be able to make a decision with a clear head, she feels when I'm around she can't decide clearly. She also said if we were to get back together she feels she would bring this up the first fight we get in as a secret weapon to get back at me. I'll let you know how it works out. Thanks again.

    • When a female needs space in order to "clear her head", that means they're on the their way out. That comment she made about the secret weapon means she has revenge on the mind.

      As much as it'll hurt to let her go, it honestly is for the best. Especially since you're still young. But I can't make you do anything, I can only confirm what you're thinking which is, no, everything won't be alright if you get back together and I guarantee it's YOU who is going to be hurt this time around.

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