Is this "cheating?"

I am engaged to a man who does not want the same things I do. I've been confiding in a male friend to gain a male perspective on the situation and if its possible that my guy will change his mind on certain issues. I'm in love with my friend. I sneak texts to him, stay up late to chat with him after my guy goes to sleep. He wants what I want from life and I've told him how strongly I feel. We haven't done anything physical, its all just emotional...Would you consider it cheating?

  • It's cheating
    Vote A
  • It's not cheating, its only words.
    Vote B
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65

Most Helpful Girl

  • Why are engaged? Seems you have issues you should work through before you marry and bring kids into the world...If you have the slightest doubt...STOP...and don't do it until you have no more questions...Sounds like you have a stronger relationship with your "friend". If you can't talk and confide in your guy you already have a failed relationship...And don't expect him to change a bit...He may but you have no guarantees...You need to accept your mate exactly as they are...Maybe you should be with your friend and let your future husband off the hook before you both F___ each others lives up...Best of luck. Cheers!

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    • My fiance doesn't want kids and we never really discussed it til now, and I just feel lost. Because for me that's a huge issue. Thanks for your advice, I appreciate it.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 5

  • yes

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  • Yep.

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  • Yes.

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  • hi

    sorry to say this but it is still a cheating...

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  • It's only cheating if you get caught.

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What Girls Said 5

  • Hmm let's look at the evidence shall we?

    * You stay up late talking to someone who isn't your fiance..

    * You say you have feelings for your friend

    * You sneak texts to your friend when your fiance is sleeping.

    Basically you're lying and hiding certain aspects of your behaviour from your intended husband. So yes you're cheating.

    For the sakes of everyone involved, END IT NOW. You obviously don't want to go through with things, so why keep stringing your poor fiance along? I know its difficult to do, but sometimes you have to be brave and do what's right for you. It'll be better in the long run. Trust me.

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  • I'm speaking from experience, sweety. It's cheating. If you don't want to call it that, then it's leading someone on. I've been in two relationships like that myself. I was with one guy and I talked and texted my best friend, who's also a guy, all the time. Only I was brave enough, and my boyfriend was "in love" enough, not to care what he thought. I was married before that, and I'd lost contact with my best friend, but I got a call from my sister on Christmas two years ago and there he was. I thought I had been in love with my husband until I heard his voice on the phone. Trust me, you won't be happy later in life if you don't follow your heart. I'm to this day still in love with my best friend.

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  • Are you just looking for an excuse to leave your fiance for your friend? I think you are cheating yourself and your fiance if you go through with marrying him. You obviously know that he's not the one and you are emotionally attached to another man. Do your fiance a favor and leave him rather than marrying him and divorcing him. It's hard to hurt people you love, but in the long run, show him some decency and be honest that the feelings just may not be there for him anymore.

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    • Its not that the feelings aren't there, because they are. he just recently revealed to me he doesn't wish to have children and for me, that's a huge issue. I didn't intend for this to happen and I just needed some outside perspective on it all. Thanks for your comment!

    • I feel for you, a guy not wanting children is a deal breaker for me as well. I think you and your fiance have some talking to do. You obviously love him, but perhaps you are confiding in your friend because you are in denial about your relationship with your fiance. It can be scary realizing the one you are supposed to love may not be "the one" but could be a close "second." Keep your friend at a distance until you can figure out what you and your fiance REALLY want. Good luck!

  • It's not cheating yet. But your treading a thin line. What if it was the other way around would you want your man and his "friend" talking and texting behind your back. Figure what/who you really want.

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  • yes, if you want to look for a new man get rid of the one you got first

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