We've been together for 4 years. We hit it off pretty fast and for me, the relationship seemed perfect for the entire time. He seemed very in love with me from the start. He was so good and secure and I let him in. He made damn sure I fully give myself in (even with huge trust issues due to past failed relationships). So I did. I loved him. He was never the most romantic guy in thw world, but he said himself that that's just his nature and that it doesn't mean that he doesn't love me. He would tell me every day how he loves me. And then after 4 years, one day he just shocks me with the breakup, saying that he never really loved me or was in love. That he thinks he incapable of that feeling towards anyone. That he never loved anyone, that he cares about things more then he cares about people. He said he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. He apolagized that he wasn't honest from the start and that it took him this long to realize he is not made for love and relationship. I am torn apart. It was so hard for me to get rid of trust issue, and now I'm at square 1. It was all a lie. Why do people do this? How am I ever gonna trust again? How do I get through this? Please help!
Most Helpful Guy
Please don't take this as a derogatory comment, but have you considered counseling?
When it comes to love and relationships, there is no guarantee, I know because I've found out the hard way many different times.
At 41 years old I've come to the conclusion that if you want to have a relationship, you have to give every new person a chance as if though it was your first... if they betray you you have to just kind of realize that they are the fucked-up ones not you... the get out of your head that everyone is the same because it's just not true.
The reason I keep keeping on is because I'm not done living... I love to love and be loved.
If I just kept myself in a little protective bubble I wouldn't truly be experiencing life now would I?
Relationships come and relationships go... The key is enjoying it while it lasts... And perhaps one day you will find someone in which will last for the rest of your life... But until then don't worry about them or what you fear they may or may not do, all you have to do is worry about yourself.
I understand your sentiments, I truly do as I have had them myself... But it's some point you have to realize that in order to be free you have to let yourself go of fear.2
Most Helpful Girl
I once dated a guy who broke up with me because he wanted to go fight in Syria against terrorists. They all have their excuses. But I'll give you my opinion on this guy's.
He is obviously troubled, broken. I bet he warned you he was, didn't he? He told you he was a worn out soul who has a hard time trusting other people because they always hurt him. And now he's hurt you.
What he has done is established a "it's not you, it's me" excuse to make it easier for you to deal with the pain that he just slapped all over you. He is taking the blame to ease your feelings. At least he's done that much for you! So I don't buy it. He says he cares more about things than people? Naw. Cause if he did he wouldn't have put himself on the line to take the blame in the first place. "Look, I'm the asshole. I never loved you." That's bullshit. You don't waste four years on someone you don't love. But his love is irrelevant. He wanted away from the relationship for some reason or another, and he's beating himself up over it. It truly seems to me that he's having just as tough a time dealing with the fact that he's breaking up with you as you are.
Have compassion for both of you. You for the time to come. I know, I'm dealing with a shock of a break up that I didn't see coming, but mine's a divorce. Just because we don't want a break up doesn't mean we don't need it. Because if you guys were supposed to be together, you would be together. Period. Move on. Be kind to yourself, he won't. Love yourself, he has refused to. And feel sorry for the guy. Kind of reminds me of a guy I saw on tv who has sex with his car. I don't know.0