My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for almost two years, why won't he leave me alone?

My ex-boyfriend is driving me crazy. We were together for six years and the last three years of our relationship things were not going well at all so I broke it off. We constantly fought and couldn't see eye to eye on anything. Needless to say the first few months after our breakup he didn't take it well. It was constant calls trying to get back together. I told him that we simply don't get along and that we are not at all compatible (something I realized very early on but dismissed because of his refusal to let go).

I started seeing someone else a few months after breakup and he is great. My ex would cool off for days at a time then come on strong again begging and pleading. Because of his aggressive nature I couldn't even tell him I was involved with someone. But I tell him all the time I don't want to get back together. Then he angrily tells me that I have another man and demands to know if I do. I don't deny or admit as I am a little afraid of his reaction. Lately he has been coming on stronger than ever and is displaying worrisome behavior that is concerning me. Last week he pounded on my door yelling my name until I opened up the door. He barged in and tried to convince me to get back together. After a lot of coaxing he left but this is ridiculous. We broke up so long, why can't he just get over it?

I told him to move on and he said that he does not want anyone else. But that's not my problem. You can't force someone to be with you who clearly doesn't want to. I just want him to leave me alone.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Mmm. I was going to go on about how six years is a long time and that expectation creates instability. But that's some pretty aggressive behavior. I did a couple similar things when I was a young teen, really just waiting outside the girl who'd broken up with me's workplace. Mmmm. I guess that borders on creepy. But, I got the picture and learned to accept that when it was over, it was over. For a full grown man to not accept that, either he's used to getting what he wants or he's tremendously inexperienced when it comes to women, or you really did just mean a LOT to him.

    If you're actually afraid, then just get a restraining order. That really sounds like the only solution, at this point, to me.


Most Helpful Girl

  • He's possessive, he can't get over it. That's the known fact. The thing is, you shouldn't be telling him things like 'you can't force me to stay with you', because to a person of a possessive nature, he'll go into a rage. Trust me on that.

    If he's being violent, please stay away as he might harm you without thinking. Otherwise, ask him if he'd like to stay contactable, and that you'll give him time to get over it. He's overly attached, he can't accept the fact that you moved on so fast. I understand his perspective, that he wants to hold on for you. It can take him time to get over it, but meanwhile, try not to agitate him.

    • I didn't tell him that, I just told him that he should move on.

    • No matter how many times you tell him to move on, it won't get into his head. I agree with abc, you gotta wait for something in him to snap before he realizes you and him are history. Anything you do now can just antagonize him till you take him back, which isn't going to happen. Depending on what you want, leave him alone for sometime, let him calm down. If he comes over to you, just tell him that you wish to stay friends. Don't mention move on or break up.

      I can't speak for your situation as I don't know him, but best way is to calm him down.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Congratulations. You are the proud owner of a heartbroken ex-BF. He will be like this until he gets angry with you and something snaps in him that he realizes that he's not into you anymore. It's almost like you need to break up with him again. Consider trying to hook him up with someone else. However, you may need a restraining order and/or to get your current boyfriend involved.

  • Get a restraining order... maybe he'll get the hint.


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