Two year online relationship disrupted by outside circumstances. Last ditch effort?

We're on opposite sides of the planet and have yet to meet in person. What started as pen pals evolved over time into a long-distance relationship. I got into this with two rules: I would not respond to any request for money (she never asked), and no green card marriages.

She wants to secure a medical residency in the US after graduating, and I wanted to help her however I could. She got accepted for an internship to a medical school in a city neighboring my own. We were looking forward to it for eight months, but she was denied a visitor's visa to come here and take it. It actually looks now like she would be denied the chance to take the test she needs to apply for residency in the first place for the same reason.

It's like a wall was slammed down between us and we can't find a way around it. She still wants to pursue US residency, and I'm still trying too. I've been running around like a madman these last three weeks, looking at employment opportunities, talking to lawyers, advisors, watching the options dry up one by one.

She asked, in the event she got accepted for an internship there, if I might come to Canada just to meet her for a few days. I want *desperately* to be able to say yes, but if there's no way we can live close enough to date like a normal couple for any real amount of time (and right now that doesn't look possible), where does that leave us?

My family was appalled by this whole thing, naturally. Some of it on logical grounds, arguing there were too many obstacles, a lot of it on religious grounds I strongly disagree with. I don't want to destroy my relationship with them, they just want it to be over.

I truly feel I love her, but logically, I know I can't make bullheaded decisions. I expressed these concerns to her and she's really upset. Hating myself right now. I don't know what to do.

  • Visiting would be prolonging the inevitable and only cause more pain. Let it go.
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  • For God's sake, man, go to her! You'll regret it forever.
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What Girls Said 1

  • Well get through obstacles. If you can't ill do it alone.. show you ill stop at nothing.

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    • I want this as much as you do, ill get there. The process may suck, but i will. I love this modern love

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    • I've never set foot outside the US, my family is terrified I had anything to do with this perfectly normal person. If I didn't think it would destroy my relationship with them I'd be more inclined to go, but her getting an internship in Canada this late in the semester is unlikely, and even if we did meet for a few days, that's not enough to make a decision as serious as marriage over. I wanted to help her get residence here, found a company she'd be a perfect fit for, but they can't sponsor a visa. It's dead ends everywhere I turn.

    • Bummer, im going through a private company based duely out of both the US and UK that sponsers some of the known players in my industry so i guess i got lucky and on top of that ill get to intern for some really interesting people. if all works out ill get a business license in the Uk and continue renewing my visa for some years. Its dumb in other peoples eyes, but I've arranged a relatively ambitious public project. Origionally it was a dumb thought but i found a contact and came up with something i think its got potential so yeah.. All i care about at this point.

What Guys Said 2

  • My question is:

    Did you ever feel tired of all the effort you put through?

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    • Yes.

      My family is concerned for my health. Honestly, since the visa got denied, I've lost weight (skinny to begin with) and I haven't had a full night's sleep these last three weeks. I still think she's worth the effort, I just recognize things are not going our way. There are elements here beyond our control.

  • Two year online relationship? Come on man, what is that? Just go out into the world and try meet someone in the flesh.

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