Does it make a man weak if he can't forgive infedility or want to reconcile?

I've read guys saying how after their wife's cheated they wish they were stronger so they could forgive them. Some just didn't want to play cop and check their wife's phones, emails, make sure they were committed to no contact with their affair partners. How they didn't sign up to be some body's baby sitter or feel like the bad guy for asking "where are you?", "is he just only a friend?". I've read from many men hoping they could be stronger but can't.

On the other hand it seems like some are labeled weak also for forgiving too quickly or being door mats. Seems like a catch-22

Updates:
Oh this is all of course after they've shown remorse and beg and do whatever is recommended in counseling (marriage and individual). It seems some guys feel guilty that even though their wife's cheated they've put in a lot of work to save the marriage. But they feel too "weak" to stay in it. Most I've read say something like "I've forgiven her, but I can't forget".

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Their is a double standard women are expected to take the man backed specially I'f their are children involved or just married. And then she is blamed for gaining weight, not having as much sex as he wants... etxwhereas men are encouraged to leave that "slut", no one says may be he isn't emotionally satisfying her, sexually or she isn't physically attracted anymore. I think it depends on the person, can your forgive and can that person seek help. their isn't a one answer to this, we tend to paint all relationships the same and treat them all the same and this is probably why they are so unsuccessful.

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    • The ones that feel weak are usually married to very compatible woman who just strayed for some extra fun and are at times distraught at the thought of losing their soul mates (ironically) to divorce. Do everything possible to save the marry and atone for their indescrations. But some guys just can't get ove it, no matter how much the betrayer has changed.

    • Yea, you can get over anything you want. Pride is just an emotion, emotions for the most part are illogical. You can work on it. Thousands of millions of women do it So can men. But I mean , in the end of the day it's your call don't wonder " what if".

Most Helpful Guy

  • I think sometimes men are assholes... And their woman Longs for love, and feelings that someone is attracted to her and will treat her good... In this is 99% of the time of why women cheat. Not that it's a good reason but it is a reason in which causes guilt to the man who knows he could have treated her better.
    However, infidelity in any case is very difficult to get over... if a man or a woman cheats on you it is because they took you for granted and are no longer desire to be with you... I think this is very difficult for a lot of men and women in general who have been in long-term relationships to accept.
    I was cheated on once... That I know of. I tried, I tried so hard to forgive her... But I couldn't get the image of her and this other guy out of my head... Feelings of betrayal... Then insecurities popped up, and I wanted so desperately to know that she was all mine and... Well, it came to the point to where I realized that but things could never be the same... so I let her go. It was one of the hardest things I had to do, but it was the only choice I had. Now I am absolutely grateful that I let her go, I don't hold any animosity towards her, I understand the relationship was crap towards the end... But it doesn't change the fact that she slept with another man.
    I don't think it's about right or wrong, the heart wants what the heart wants even though the brain knows better.
    I think all in all a little bit has to do with the fear of not finding someone that you can love again... All these ridiculous thoughts to come into one's head after leaving a long-term relationship.

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What Girls Said 3

  • I don't consider myself as a weak person , but i would never forgive any kind of betrayal. . I value loyalty and i would never cheat on a guy. So i would never accept less than i am willing to give. Besides, giving up on someone doesn't mean you are weak , it means you are strong enough to let go , and have the courage to create a new future for yourself without the person you love.

    Trust is paramount in every relationship. Once your trust is broken , you can never get the same level of trust back as you did before. Weak people cheat. Strong people walk away, and refuse to allow the past to destroy their future happiness with someone else. If a guy cheated on me then i would respect myself enough to walk away, and love myself enough to move on from him.

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  • I don't think so, walking away from a cheating partner isn't weak, though I don't particularly agree with the idea that checking phones or questioning your partner like 'are they just a friend' is an okay thing.

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  • I wouldn't take a cheater back either so I don't think so.

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What Guys Said 10

  • Forgiving and reconciling are very, very hard. It's a lot easier to just get mad and leave but often times the relationship is worth the effort. Children change the dynamic as well. I'm big on corporal discipline for wayward women so that's how I deal with it.

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    • Sad part is how many betrayed men want to divorce but laws will always (almost always) favor woman. Thus almost bankrupting some

    • Show All
    • That's why it's such a hard question to answer and I see the huge disperancy between answers from 18-20 somethings to 30s-40 year olds. There much more to lose and destroy... which is what's depressing when people stray (either man and woman) from perfectly good marriages for eggo kibbles.

    • Infidelity is very complex and is often preventable but it requires a lot of flexibility on both parts. The key is being able to talk about anything. If that's in place, generally the rest will take care of itself. If there's something missing for one partner, they need to be able to articulate that without accusation or emotion. It's been my experience that women will give a man they love damn near anythings!

  • This is one of those personal choices. There is no right or wrong answer here, but no one will blame someone for leaving a partner who cheated.

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  • I would say not forgiving it makes him strong. It means he recognizes how she hurt him and screwed up everything and he's not going to tolerate it, and for good reason: if someone cheats you on once, they're very likely to do it again. Why waste time forgiving someone who will be a repeat offender?

    I always support guys who won't take that shit and let her go.

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  • 23 years married - she cheated twice. No, you're weak if you stay.
    And you forgive but you never forget.

    I had my reasons for staying, she has other issues. A lot has changed, this was more than a decade ago.

    But no, unless you're staying for children get out while you still have your balls. Find a nice girl that wants to be with YOU, not some random guy. And yes, if she did it once she'll do it again. She's a LIAR!

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    • Are you still together? Did you find out about both at ones or one than the other?

    • Still together. Found out soon after each one - they were five years apart, about ten years ago. I still think about leaving, but things are better than ever. I accept blame for my part, she for hers. It's a long process. There were other extenuating circumstances however.
      If you provide more details about your situation others may be able to give you more pertinent advise.
      My wife was my second, together with the first for 13 years, I cheated on her 5 times, the last is the one I married second time around, and never cheated on her. No one's situation is the same, they're all different. Bottomline though, cheaters are cheaters. The lying and betrayal can be the worst of it.

    • Well it seems like there were a lot of issues there and seems like you're working through them. Thank you

  • You forgive and you move on, I would not go back with someone who cheats, Faithfulness is one of my biggest values, I'll would forgive them but wouldn't go back with them, I don't think you are weak for not going back with them, I just have high values and won't lower my values, You have to respect yourself. And it takes balls to be able to walk away from a relationship...

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  • I wouldn't care if people call me weak for it I would never take a cheater back.

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  • if you forgive a cheater you are fucking weak

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  • No.

    (replytooshort)

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  • Modern western people are so damn complexed about "what it means to be a man" that it's fucking disgusting. Moreover, men are open to manipulation with this kind of language... but it just keeps happening...

    Just another day in feminazi society.

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