Was he making excuses to try and push me away?

I have recently just split from my boyfriend after 2 years. I love him very much but we were arguing over different issues (he's 31 and I'm 22), including whether I wanted kids or not, im unsure and he definitely wants them, he wants to see his mates who do drugs again (I know he'd be doing it with them), put his female best friend before me and go out raving (doing them then as well). He said he'd stopped doing drugs for me and felt better for it but kept saying that I'd changed him. I said at the offset l can't be with someone who does them so he was left with a choice and said he'd stopped for me. On New Years we got drunk, he got emotional and said I don't have any friends and I've sacrificed so much for you, I've stopped doing drugs. I never brung any of this up at all, it just all came out! Do you think maybe at first he was happy being me then he started to miss his crazy raving and drug lifestyle? It seems like he wanted to have both and can't cope without the other lifestyle. All I know is I can't be with someone who needs drugs in their life.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Did u break with him?
    The age difference doesn't matter, but I would think someone his age would have outgrown drugs, raves and take a serious relationship... A little more serious. You sound more mature than he does.
    About children, its normal for you to not be sure about what you want at this time. And what is up with this thing of putting his female best friend before you.

    I woukd have done the same thing if I was in your shoes.

    • I did yes, it was so difficult but he left me with no choice. Ye I would have too... apparently not. He went to one whilst we were together but promised not to do anything and said this would probably be his last rave anyway (just saw on fb that he's attending one in a couple of months). I asked him a few months back if he missed it and he said no, I said has he ever thought he might do them and he said well when I went to that rave I thought I might of done them but I was ok... so before going he thought he might do them even after saying he wouldn't (made me feel so horrible inside). Haha well I feel like the more mature one to be honest, he calls it being boring.
      I tried to explain that but during our arguments he got mad and said he needed an answer to sort it out! He thinks she can do no wrong, he defends her over me. She smoked whilst pregnant, he said I agree it's wrong but it's her choice and doesn't change who she is... They do drugs together too.

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    • Thank you! Unfortunately it hasn't! He asked for me back again, it's been a month and he messaged saying he wants to talk. I said I'll talk to him in a month's time, after the wedding had passed if we still have anything to talk about. When he messaged me he was also messaging another woman on the dating site he joined one week after we split up. He lied and told her he'd been single for 3 months, it's been 1 and that he'd never been on their before, he has. He couldn't even wait a few weeks to talk to me first and has arranged a date with her! He asked her out. Now I have closure and can move on properly knowing know he really is :)

    • It feels good to see things for how they really are, you are moving on so I wish you well. You will find someone better, who doesn't play games.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Obviously you have both feet on the ground
    involved with someone who will always be addicted to this-that-other the rest of his life, yet want all the best of life... a formula destined to failure and torture to all those involved with him.
    Letting him go now & blocking him will be far & less painful now than anytime hereafter!

    • Thank you! I really wanted it to work but I think that we're too different. We definitely have different morals. I knew it would hurt more down the line if I stayed but I hope that this will hurt less soon cause I really do love him. I can't wait for the day I feel ok again.

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    • Oh I see! I'm sorry to hear that you've been in a situation you felt/feel like you couldn't/can't escape from. I did the same, I ignored what others were telling me because I was blinded by my love for him. Did you leave as well or are you still with this person?

    • I also didn't listen to Prima facie evidence and even caught her in lies & "cheating". Ironically thought her the best choice of many, including stewardesses, models, rich, ultra sexy, high-IQ< et al. Then Postpartum depression, worried over retirement at early age, Williams Syndrome, chronic lying, divorce atty wife co-worker pitches drove her back to flirting with guys on gals' night out like in HS until she caught one, cheated and then told everyone, friends, family I was the bad guy to save face, teacher job, church status, child support, et al. and no one to this day apologized. THIS is what you are escaping with blessings.

  • your going to hurt him regardless do you best to be classy and don't be rubbing your shit in, especially if your dating, Not cool

    • What? I don't understand what you've put! We've had a lot of arguments but I apologised for all of things I said. He did too after I broke up with him. Because I don't like one of his friends he said I just don't like anyone, I just don't like people and accused me of harassing him so he could break a promise he made to me.
      I'm not going to make any contact now at all. I've only told my family and friends what has happened but not mentioned anything to his family or friends (except one who asked if I was ok). I'm not going to start dating anyone else anytime soon. His parents don't know anything about his drug use or going to see his friend to do it together. I haven't told them any of this and expect that he's told them things differently. He argued with me so much I was in tears as he was shouting I want children down the phone at me. I had to pass the phone to my mum because I couldn't speak anymore. She was in shock.

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