Can we remain friends, what should I do?

I went on a date with a girl, we both seemed to like each other, kissed at the end. Were going to go on another but ended up getting back with ex, but told me that she did like me though, but she wants to give him another chance, even though he treated her badly the first time. She said she wants to remain friends, we did and continued to get on so well. I felt like I should have fought for her origonally but didn't. My friends thought that she still liked me and that I should tell her how I feel so as to get it off my chest. I did so, and she didn't feel the same but was really apoligetic and said if she lead me on she didn't mean to. But she stressed that she didn't want to lose me as a friend, I said that if she thinks it would be easier on her relationship if we weren't friends then I would understand, but she didn't want to she said maybe we just speak less. I was going to say goodbye but she said she wanted to continue talking, we ended up talking and laughing for an hour, we left it as we'll talk later. This happend Tuesday and haven't heard from her since. I was wondering if we are going to be able to stay friends, I think she wants to but her boyfriend is really jealous of the fact that we talk and thinks there was already something going on between us, so I feel he would not allow her to be friends with me. Secondly, should I text her apoligising for causing a problem as we don't have many friends and we both agreed we love talking to each other. But she might now have to choose between keeping me as a friend or her boyfriend. Finally, should I leave her to herself and wait to see if she wants to talk to me.

  • Can't stay friends
    40%(2)50%(5)Vote60%(3)
  • Can stay friends, message her apologising
    20%(1)10%(1)Vote0%(0)
  • Can stay friends, but leave her to talk first
    40%(2)40%(4)Vote40%(2)
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If you don't think we can stay friends, what is the reasoning?

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Most Helpful Girl

  • She wants to keep you as a friend. Rather have lasting friend than anyone else. Plus it'll probably turn into something more anyway🙃

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Joe,

    It sucks, but you gotta back away (no contact, unless she initiates).

    First, it's the right thing to do. She has history with the boyfriend and you're meddling because you like her. If she broke up completely, then the story would be different but you're not a "friend." You're a guy she like romantically (and vice versa).

    Just think, if you were trying to work things out with an ex, would you want some other dude sniffing around - pretending to be her "friend" when he really wants her as a gf? No.

    Second, backing away will make her miss you more (depending on how much she likes you). If things don't work out with the boyfriend, you'll probably be the first guy she calls.

    Last, don't apologize. Don't explain. Speaking from several experiences like this, you'll either never see her again or she'll have a fight with the boyfriend, dump him, and coming running to you. Either way, don't sit around waiting. Meet other girls and don't sit around all miserable hoping she'll call.

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    • Thanks, you're right. I'm not going to do anything else, I just feel really bad at the moment for mucking things up, she's the one person I can talk to and I can't talk to her.

    • Also, I feel guilty as she told me she doesn't have many friends and that I was one of the only people she can talk to and now I feel like we're not going to be able to talk again.

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Guys Said 2

  • It’s time to move on. You might not agree with it, but you need to respect that she is seeing someone else. How would you feel if the roles were reversed and she was seeing you but talking to this dude on the side. I can imagine you wouldn’t like it either. It sounds to me that she doesn’t really feel that way about you, but doesn’t want to hurt your feelings and thats why she is saying she doesn’t want to lose you as a friend. She’s just trying to let you down as gently as she can and it’s making you think there is a possibility for something still. I know because I have been in this scenario when I was around your age. It can be a hard reality, but thats just how the cookie crumbles. The best thing you can do is just move on. I f you see here around be friendly, be cordial, but don’t go out of your way to keep her on your radar by staying “good friends”. Trust me, its best just to move on and leave her be.

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    • I'm moving on from her romantically. But neither of us has many friends and we both like the fact that we can talk to each other. I feel like now, if we do stay friends I won't be like a best friend, but she's the only person I can really just talk openly to, so I feel it would be a shame to lose her friendship.

    • I imagine her boyfriend was jealous of her talking to a dude that she once dated and is still going out of his way to stay in contact with his now girlfriend. I would be. He probably did raise some hell to her about it and that’s why she hasn’t gotten back with you. She is choosing to respect his wishes. I can imagine that you and her have some good conversation and and you enjoy each others company, but she’s got another dude now, you need to respect her decision and leave them be. He knows as well as I do, and as well as you do that you’re trying to keep her on your radar, in hopes that if things go bad between them that you will be there to pounce. He’s got every right to be jealous and not happy with you. If you really care about here resect her decision. I have been here and done this when I was younger, and looking back I should have just moved on when she told me she was seeing someone else.

    • you won't loose her friendship

  • I clicked the 'leave her to talk first' option because there's no option for you talking first but NOT apologising. What've you go to apologise for? Text her in the same way you would with any other friend and just do your best not to think of her sexually

    Im sure once you start texting her she'll text back

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    • I was thinking of apologising if I caused her any trouble, but that I hoped that we could at least be friends, what do you think of this?

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    • Ngl he sounds like a bit of a knob, but then again I've never met any of you so I don't really want to judge

    • Well she called him an asshole and said that she always makes mistakes when it comes to him, so it sort of her fault if she gets hurt again, but I would still feel bad for her if she did.

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