I recently had an abortion with an ex boyfriend of mine. I need some advice.

He is in his early 30s and I am in my early 20s. Our relationship seemed to be fine--he wasn't the most communicative of people but we had similar backgrounds and understood each other quite well. He was very supportive when he found out I was pregnant, but as soon as the procedure was complete he delved right into work(he has a pretty demanding job) and wasn't keeping in contact with me other than through text messages and email. This obviously caused a few fights to erupt between us and he only seemed to angrier over the next two weeks. I was in throes of dealing with abortion myself-physically and emotionally and suffered quite a lot of turmoil. I did suffer from some complications from the procedure and tried to get him involved and all he wanted to do was work. He didn't want to come to take me to the doctors when I got really sick and was suffering from severe pain--he told me that it was probably my fault and he didn't know what to believe. We then broke up a few days later and now are friends(although I am quite unsure of how that will work). He seemed to be quite nice to me after the break up--as in calling and checking up on me.I just wanted to add that he was all for the abortion and was relieved to have it over with. We spoke quite a bit about the subject when I had initially found out about it. This wasn't his first abortion and he broke up with me saying that his work was more important than me and was always going to be his number one priority. Fast forward two more weeks and I was still dealing some of the complications and I tried to contact him and he hasn't returned my phone calls barring a few random texts where he does respond but only to tell me he is busy and can't talk. My question is why did he behave this way and walk away from me? I am okay with not having a relationship but I thought I deserved some support even as a friend so how do guys like this work?

Updates:
Thank you guys for answering so far. The only other thing that concerned me which I am hoping with a little bit of time will get better is that will he ever feel remorse for behaving like this? Thanks so much again!
I did have some serious complications that landed me in the hospital and I called him for 2 weeks before and up till I was in the hospital but he wanted nothing to do with me or helping me so I focused on recovering and am trying to move on now.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Based on his demeanor, I think he is grieving a loss just like you. Furthermore, what makes this situation even more stressful is the fact that he has gone through this BEFORE. He is burying himself in his work and keeping busy so he doesn't "have to feel anything" and it's easier to cope. In addition, I attribute this to the fact that he wasn't there for you when you experienced complications.

    I am not condoning his behavior in any way because you both needed each other during this period of time. This experience was just as stressful, emotional and physically draining on you, perhaps even more so since you were pregnant. However, men are effected by these things too and he probably has a lot of guilt that he has had to deal with this choice again. He is probably feeling dead inside.

    This is my perspective. I hope you are feeling better and both of you can move forward in a healthy way.

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    • He will only feel remorseful if he acknowledges the way he treated you and behaved was wrong. He doesn't see that right now so maybe he, maybe he won't. It's hard to say.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • First I'm sorry to hear you have no support thru this tough time but you are looking for support from a guy that doesn't care about you or your feelings which is why he hasn't been there for you at all. What it sounds like to me is that he was just into you for the sex and that's it so basically you were used.

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    • Maybe he worked himself through the greif of losing a child.. it may have not been the right time for the two of you to have a child but maybe he was sad and depressed that the baby was gone. he should have talked to you about it instead of throing himself into his work, but some men do that to grieve. I don't think you were just sex hun or else he would have slept with you one time and kicked you to the curb.

    • Thanks for being honest....I am doing much better now!

What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe he worked himself through the greif of losing a child.. it may have not been the right time for the two of you to have a child but maybe he was sad and depressed that the baby was gone. he should have talked to you about it instead of throing himself into his work, but some men do that to grieve. I don't think you were just sex hun or else he would have slept with you one time and kicked you to the curb.

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