Win my ex back?

It has nearly been a year since me & my ex girlfriend broke up over me liking someone else we haven't talked since then & I've missed her like crazy so I'm going to surprise her tomorrow and bump into her when she finishes work with a bunch of roses I know she is engaged to a guy but I believe it was only a rebound & she still has feelings for me so doing this tomorrow just may win her back for me I'd like some advice on whether this move is good or bad

Updates:
I'm not going through with it today after reading all your comments it seems it is the wrong thing to do I just miss her & the life we once had together I don't think I'll ever get something like that again
I've decided that I will not go to see her if she wants to talk she arrange it with me

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Most Helpful Girl

  • The way I see it, this could go one of 3 ways.

    1) You're right - it's only a rebound, she still has feelings for you, and she'll take you back if you try. But if that's the case, she's REALLY not the kind of girl you should be with - who gets engaged to their rebound fling? She'd be needy and you'd probably get sick of her soon enough anyway. Not that I really think this is the most likely scenario.

    2) Perhaps she's even told you flat out that this other guy's really just a rebound and she still has feelings for you. In which case, she's f***ing with you, or him, or both of you, because she's told this other guy that she wants to spend the rest of her life with him. And why would you want to be with someone like that? She'd be selfish and dishonest. Not that I really think this is the most likely scenario either. Besides, you said you haven't spoken since then, so how would you know that she still wants you?

    3) You're wrong. You're in denial and you need to move on.

    'It's been nearly a year' - that's a lot of time for her to leave this guy and come back to you. Honey she's not just trying to make you jealous or get over you anymore - she's found someone she loves who loves her back, which is something you couldn't give her. You told her you liked someone else. Which means you didn't love her. Which HURTS. Don't expect her to just forgive you for it. She may be over it, but that doesn't mean she'd take you back. A bunch of roses sure as hell can't make up for emotional cheating.

    'I've missed her like crazy' - you always want what you can't have. If you got her back, you'd probably stop liking her again, and she'd get hurt again. Have you been with anyone else? Sounds like you just want 'someone' and anyone would do, but she's the last girl who was attracted to you so you think your best chance is with her. Consider why you liked someone else before. It might just happen again.

    I'd like to know how you'd know if she still has feelings for you if you haven't spoken in nearly a year. Honestly, it sounds like you're just not accepting the truth. How do you know it'd be better with you than with this guy? She's agreed to marry him, but you liked someone else. Kind of implies it'd be the other way around - she'd be much better off with him. If you really love her, let her be happy. And learn from this experience and move on yourself.

    I can understand you may still want to go ahead with it. My ex fell out of love with me and started being horrible to me in a few ways for a while afterwards. Everyone told me to move on but I couldn't. I needed to see for myself that he truly didn't want me anymore. Perhaps that's what you need. But if you do go, go prepared for her to say no and to leave you feeling humiliated with a bunch of roses. She may even be offended - if that ex of mine came back to me and said everything you've just said, I would definitely be offended. The way I see it, you ought to let her get on with her life, and get on with yours.

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What Girls Said 12

  • She's engaged which means, she has said yes to the other gentleman. It is hard to call it rebound when they are close to marriage, meaning she moved on. I feel that chances are your roses will be too late at this point. You can try if your feelings are that strong but be aware the chances of rejection are quite high as well. If you feel this strongly, then go for it, it doesn't hurt to let her know you still love her.

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  • Seriously, move on. She's engaged. It's been almost a year. Ambushing her with roses isn't going to make her think, "Wow, what a sweet guy...you know, I was al wrong about him. Forget this engagement, I'm going back to my ex!" Chances are, she'll be thinking more along the lines of, "What the hell is he doing? Hasn't it been a year? Doesn't he know that I'm engaged to another man?! What a creepy guy, why won't he let go of me already? Ugh, now I just need to decide between the pepper spray and the stun gun...pepper spray or stun gun, pepper spray or stun gun..."

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    • Bit extreme don't you think? she wouldn't think or do that I know she loves me more than him

    • Perhaps klg808 is exaggerating with the pepper spray/stun gun thing, but seriously, if I was your ex girlfriend, I'd be thinking those things. And you can't know that she loves you more than him. Sorry man.

  • it's just talking so I encourage you to go ahead and do it. Don't wait until it's too late. Remember you were the reason the two of you broke up...so I believe you should be the one to initiate reconciliation. However, whatever she decides please respect it.

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  • Look at her from her perspective. You were dating her and you liked another girl. You probably broke her heart. Now because you suddenly realize it was a mistake you expect her to just forget how you hurt her? You are being INCREDIBLY selfish. Dude if she's engaged to the guy it's gone far beyond the boundaries of a rebound. It’s not like she's agreeing to spend the rest of her life with this dude to spite you. What do you think she expects you to make some great declaration of love on her wedding day by crashing it and taking her away? HAHA this isn’t the movies! Now you can try all you want to ‘win her back’ but I highly doubt it will go the way you want. It really seems like you want what you can’t have. If you truly cared for her you would accept your mistake and that she is happy with someone else and let her go. And let go of the past. You will never have a healthy relationship with any girl if you don't.

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  • its the typical situation, of when you have something, you don't want it, as soon as its gone, you want it.

    you are wanting what you can't have, this girl is engaged to another man! by trying to win her back, you are just gonna screw with her head again

    and why the hell would you tell your girlfriend you like someone else, even if you did, you wouldn't tell the person your with, doh

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  • You need to let go of her. I wouldn't even try it. She's engaged to someone else. I know you say you wanna try but she's not gonna take you back because she's with someone else.It doesn't matter how much you regret everything or how much you wish you could take everything back. You admitted to liking someone else, y'all broke up, and she moved on and is now engaged to someone else. There's no geting her back.

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  • Hey, I'm just wondering if there's an update. Have you spoken to her?

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    • Not yet no I'm still wondering if I should

    • Well, I like yannis4ny's advice. That would be the best way to approach it, instead of declaring your love right away. I hope you do it, because love is worth fighting for. Good luck!

  • It doesn't hurt to try, but just know that chances are you won't be able to win her back. I was with a guy for a year and after all of our ups and downs and all the love I poured into him, he told me that he thought he still had feelings for his ex. It hurt like crazy. It hurt even more when I tried to move on. I'm sure that if she has moved on after a year and gotten engaged she wouldn't go back to someone who hurt her and leave a good thing behind. But since I'm a sucker for love, I say give it a try... As much as my ex hurt me and as hard as it was to move on, I think that if he did that I'd go back. But that's just me...

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  • Never say never ok you will find someone that love you like she did ok it I lot of girls out there looking for a good man keep in mind that when you do find someone please don't let them now you have like other girl keep it to your self don't make the mistake two

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  • it will good but she all ready in engaged to some one else and it to let you should did it the first time she caught you if I was you I let it go and find someone else cause she did

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    • I have to try for my own sanity

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    • " I will tell her that it won't be as good as what we had"

      How do you know that? You don't know what her relationship with her finance is like so you really have no right to assume. You also don't know what great relationships you could have with other women. One day you'll find someone so wonderful, she will make you forget about this girl.

      And just because you didn't physically cheat that doesn't mean you didn't do it emotionally. For many girls that can hurt even more.

    • I agree with Nyx completely.

  • so umm question .. you and ur ex broke up because you were into someone else? did you treat her bad ?and how long were you and her together for ? do you regret whatever you did to her?

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    • Was into someone else & we were together 5 years I never treated her bad I was always faithful but I guess it wasn't enough

  • It's good that you didn't go through with it. That would've been a little to bold and very unfair to her. If you really miss her, you should just try talking to her as a friend. Maybe it's just that you need some closure because you feel bad about the way things ended. I'll admit that a year is a very short timespan for someone to be already engaged, but you can't swoop in and expect your relationship with her to be the same after not talking for so long.

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    • I expect it tobe a little different but not much I will goto her and see if she wants to talk & maybe remain as freinds

What Guys Said 6

  • I just wanna point out a few things, so that you can be reminded of what your going into man.

    - People don't get engaged to a rebound, in most scenarios.

    - Your using the fact that she still cares about you, to take her from another man.

    - You said yourself that you've "missed her"... not that you "love her".

    I know that you probably care about her a lot, but love is a much stronger "feeling" than people give it as a "word". What I mean by that, is that it sounds like you two have known each other for a long time, especially with the knowledge of you both not talking in a year.

    - Normally, I would advise the guy to pursue the girl in these situations because I normally hope that the guy I'm advising has more feelings for the girl, than the man she is with. But I'm sorry to say that I don't feel that is the truth for your situation.

    At this point, I strongly advise you to "move on" and here's why:

    - She is with someone else, don't try to intervene. That shows little respect for her and yourself. If you were "in love" with this girl, it would be different. You would walk up to that guy and say: "You can't have her, I love her". And then fight like hell to win her over and push through everything.

    I can officially say that I have loved someone, and it hurt like hell to let them go. But they weren't ready to fight for me. Don't twist her mind and make her fight between two people. If you love her, let her be happy man.

    ~ ArtistBBoy

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    • You said it yourself just there I am still in love with her so I will fight him all the way I ain't letting go yet

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    • I may still go see her its just that I won't attempt to give her roses il just ask her if she wants to talk & sort it out if she doesn't il walk away for good

    • I couldn't blame you at all. I've been in your shoes and it was very difficult, but handling it in the second approach (talking with her and seeing if she WANTS to work things out) is a better approach in my opinion, than the first way (buying her roses / treating her nice / etc)...

  • Answer this first. Do you want her because you love her or because you want to win her back to prove something? VERY IMPORTANT and SELFISH because you are ruining her life. If what I tell you works dude you have to offer her what the other guy did. Imagine her leaving her fiancé for you and then a year later you dump her? I am a guy too but that is devastating.

    Now first of all I wouldn’t end up in a situation like this but if I did here is what I would do…..

    I would hang outside at her work, not with roses, not with anything, I would just walk through her work exit or the way she takes to the train (I live in NYC) or the car, until I bump into her (accidently). Find a reason you are there, good reason, and just say hey it is so nice to see you how you been, after the “ its nice to see you to” she will probably ask why are you here. Just say the good reason (appointment interview; NOT a DATE) and pretend you are rushing to it. So just because you don’t have the time now to talk you tell her that you are going to call her to go for a coffee. If she says this sounds good and I would love to it is positive but doesn’t mean she is going to leave her fiancé for you. She probably just wants s to talk. Then you are past the first step, and you are smooth, NOT desperate, which will probably drive her away. About a week, later trying to call her the day before you want to meet her. When she is at work not home because fiancé might be there. Tell her that you have to take a paper you forgot to the interview ( or some reason related to the reason you where there the first time) and that you are going to be around, and ask her if she would like to have a coffee and keep up to date with both your news. If she agrees you are in step two.

    STEP three! If you succeed with steps one and meet her, don’t jump into how much you love her right away, or even at all, just talk. Talking to her about how much you love her will get her thinking too much, thinking that you are a fraud. Just talk to her try to bring up some memories (good ones you had together) I am not going to tell you everything. If feeling exist, this will jumpstart them. If the conversation goes well, it is up to you if you want to say anything about how you feel because when she goes home she will feel guilty about the meeting, probably because of the feelings she has felt when you talked. This will probably alert her and, I don’t know how she will react, it might even move her closer to her fiancé that she feels secure (she doesn’t with you).

    If during the meeting she talks about her fiancé try to see if when she is talking about him is excited etc, don’t bring the subject up. If she talks about her fiancé, it is probably OVER for you! So I wouldn’t do anything other than spend the rest of the time with her and leave. BUT you are not me; you can play your last hand by telling her how you felt when you saw her. Don’t say you where keeping this for so long because honestly dude,not cool

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  • No no no...you're going to be running into a Mack truck with those roses and this way of thinking.

    You're being selfish, thinking about your emotions only, not even thinking about hers (your one comment about her is that she's on the rebound? you don't know that...). You might p*ss her off at best...just swallow the loss and move on...

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  • ..Dude!..unless you're mentally prepared for a rejection!..Don't do it!.if it really were meant to be..running into her would of happened by nature..If you must..but mean just must! make a last effort of a "coincidental" encounter! for your own calm mind state that you did try..Go for it brother..But NO flowers!..and know that..what ever happens after that..Is just that!..and must be left alone!..honestly its the most difficult of things to do..but something that should of been done some time ago..Fuk!.I know it Hurts like Hell but..You were there..Now your not..there's no going back..

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  • keep you're space, don't look too desperate or too clingy. Have fun without her, beat around the bush. It is the best way.

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  • id ask to see her than when I see her I would be like ho smd goodluck

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