I can’t stop cheating on my boyfriend. (Well, I have not physical cheated I) I need help. I care about my boyfriend deeply but I have a wondering eye and this past month has been rough. Two of my ex’s contacted me making small talk. I couldn’t help but wonder what their thinking. I transferred to a new job and a male coworker there he’s a real gentlemen I think he has a thing for me. He’s invited me to the beach I said yes he’s a really nice guy But I feel like I’m cheating because I haven’t told him I have a boyfriend. I have tried but I always do this. I’m too friendly. A guy approaches me and I’m thinking he’s being nice so I’m being nice and hanging out with them then they catch feelings then I’m in this position. Where I have a boyfriend but hanging with out guys like I’m single. I need HELP?
Most Helpful Guy
You need help? well you need to help yourself.
I don't know what you are doing here, you are not being honest with yourself in the first place, you are not at all behaving like you have a boyfriend, it's like you still believe you are single. That's really very inappropriate behavior that you are displaying, you are meeting other guys and you are all in praise of them, and plus you are even being honest with them also, you are not telling them you have a boyfriend!!. Why would you do that? You said you have not yet cheated on him, but let me tell you that your behavior with other guys and the fact you don't tell them that you have a boyfriend is a clear indication of your intention to cheat on them, it didn't happen till now, but if you keep up this behavior one day you will end up cheating on your boyfriend.
Moreover it's not fair to other guys also, it's like you are leading them on despite you being in a relationship.
I can only say that you need to help yourself. You need to clear your mind, and you need to stop this behavior, I mean if you really loved your boyfriend then you wouldn't be doing these things, but from your post it's clear that you are not in love with him, so you need to leave immediately.
It's not fair to your boyfriend that you are doing these things behind his back. Do him justice and for you also, and leave this relationship that you are not happy in.1
Most Helpful Girl
Yeah, see, you are doing this life thing all wrong.
The secret sauce here is to become more self-centered -- in the good way.
Allow me to explain.
Right now, when you go out and attract attention, you are making the mistake of actually giving 2 shits about the men from whom the attention is coming.
Don't do that.
Male attention is like sunshine. Revel in it, soak it up, bask in it. Let it soak into yr skin and literally make you glow. If boys flirt with you, flirt back -- but never in any way that's "goal-oriented" or purposeful. Just... be a flirt.
Sexual tension is something we're made to enjoy -- you just need to enjoy it responsibly, like any other high. Don't get drunk on it, don't let it drive you to poor life choices. Control it, don't let it control you.
Basically, when you go out into the world:
• Enjoy the attention. You don't get 2 chances to be young and beautiful.
• Be sexually charged.
• Take all that energy home... to yr man.
I mean... if you can't even be trusted to go out and have some banter with some dude, what kind of relationship do you have, really? What kind of TRUST do you have, if it's something that can be broken so easily?
Stop being so hard on yourself. Yr calling yourself a "cheater", when you haven't even done anything wrong! for fuck's sake.
You should be secure enough in yr relationship -- and in the TRUST that you share with yr man -- that you can go out there and flirt like crazy, if the opportunity arises... and NOT ONCE be at any risk of ACTUAL "cheating". It's just enjoying that kind of energy. Being a little more alive.
Bring it home and take it all out on yr man. Over and over and over and over and over.
Also, this goes without saying, but... Don't get drunk. Getting drunk is for dipshits. It leads to bad life choices. Don't.1