Just found out he cheated, and got her pregnant - what now?

I'm sat here in a pit of despair. You may have seen my previous post - fiance of 6 years broke up with me about 4 months ago saying he is not 'in' love with me anymore.

So i moved out, got my own place, but still hoping he would see sense someday.

Yesterday he asked to meet up and told me he cheated on my last year. The girl has since had a baby and she says it's his.

he told me, crying his eyes out. Told me I'm his girl and that he does still love me more than anything. He said all the things I've wanted him to say for the last few months - but off the back of this news.

i love him so much and I can honestly say I never in a million years thought he was the kind of bloke to do this to me.

How do you even begin to get over the living evidence of his infidelity? I'm heartbroken, stunned, devastated- all of the above. 😞


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Most Helpful Guy

  • To be honest, I can't say it will be easy. As a matter of fact, I tried putting myself in your shoes and couldn't see any easy way out.
    Firstly, I'll be assuming that you already sorted out the whole sincerity part of his confession and if you still love him since the question seems to answer those already.
    In my opinion, there are two aspects to this situation. One, his infidelity, and two, the prospective child. Both of these can be overcome by a change of mindset. If you are going to go back into this, you are going to have to go in accepting that the past is the past. If you go in apprehensively, it will only breed an unhealthy environment for a relationship filled with doubt and ultimately, heartache.
    If you think about infidelity, it can be attributed to being a mistake and this can apply to both a one time thing or an affair. People like to deny this until it happens to them. Now I'm not saying it is impossible to control but I'm saying that it doesn't necessarily mean that the cheat does not love you. Sounds to me like you guys already talked about it sorted it out, hence, a course of action would be to chuck it up as a mistake and not a testament of his feelings towards you. If you can do this and you make up your mind to give him a chance without being apprehensive, then you'r off to a great start.
    As for the baby, there are two options. Either the baby stays with the mom or with the dad. If he/she stays with the mom, then you don't have to worry too much abut this matter. If on the other hand, he/she stays with you, then the only option is to treat the baby as the child of your husband and not the child of another person. You love him, he loves the child, if the child was from a former relationship for example, you would probably end up loving the child too. All I can say is to see the child as its own individual, its all I can think of.
    This is not going to be easy and is going to take a lot of time, but if you feel he can be worth it, then go for it. Don't let what he did spoil what you believe can be. Learn from the past but don't let it rule your future (not that this is easy either).

    Good luck, I hope you make a good decision.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • That is an absolutely horrible situation, I am so sorry. However, you have already broken up and moved out and spent the last four months getting over him. Now you found out he cheated and has a baby, I say you were already half way there to getting over him and NOW found out he cheated, just keep moving on!!! Also, if you did get back with him it would never be the same because of the child. When I broke up with my ex I still had hope that one day maybe we would get back together, but 9 months later I found out he had a baby. That was devastating because I knew then that it was really over and would never be the same if we got back together, I would not be the only one to give him a child which was so hard to swallow, so I kind of understand.

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What Guys Said 5

  • I don't think you can get over it. It the worst thing to happen. Being dumped is bad enough, but being cheated on is worse.

    Maybe he is genuinely sorry and you might be able to try again. There's always a chance he will cheat again, and he now carries extra baggage in the baby.

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  • You need friends.
    I've been cheated before, though not as fiance level, it took me a year to get over and another year to actually try and seriously approach a girl.

    I hit the gym back then. Just to get my mind off things.

    If you need someone to talk to, reply here or send a PM - whichever you're comfortable.
    I know what you're going through.

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  • Dump him and make sure he is part of the kids life.

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  • Now what? Tell him to never contact you again

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  • You are stuck in a cycle of loving men that shit on you. Stop it.

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What Girls Said 7

  • Honestly, I wouldn't. He broke up with you, ripped your heart apart, cheated on you and got another girl pregnant, realized only after all of that, that he fucked up and now wants you back.

    Fuck everything about that guy, and not in the good way.

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  • First, ask him to get a paternity test on the baby to make sure it is his. She could be lying, or she could be mistaken. That could change his future.

    Second, don't make any decisions right now on whether or not to take him back. Give yourself a few weeks to process the news about the baby, and his infidelity.

    I am sorry this happened to you, dear. :(

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    • I would say even a few months to be safe.

    • Yeah, a few months would probably be best. He is probably running back because the freedom and lack of responsibility seems more appealing to him than the pregnant 'side chic' and the baby that is in the way. Pretty daunting. He is realizing how badly he screwed up.

  • sorry to hear about that!!!
    DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT GETTING BACK WITH HIM!!! (once a cheater always a cheater)
    take some time for yourself and hopefully you'll move on
    wish you best of luck

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  • He's saying this shit because he feels completely alone right now and scared. Don't take him back, you deserve so much better than this.

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  • To be honest your already out in your own place tell him to hit the road & never contact you again. Why would you want a cheating low life back.

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  • Aw I am truly sorry you have to go through this :( infidelity is an awfully tough situation to get past. Your situation is a lot harder because now there is a child involved. Whether he meant to have a child or not, he knew it would be a possibility. Honestly, no matter how broken you are, I believe you should start focusing on healing yourself from this pain and move on forward. It will be a hard road, but I promise you will make it and you will be okay! Keep your head up high!

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  • I'm sorry but it sounds like he found out about this child and is running away from his responsibilities as a father and to you because he knows you'll take him back. Do yourself a favor and don't. You don't need that drama.

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