Why would a guy declare love a month into dating and then dump you?

I recently met a guy in February, we started dating after our 3rd date, he said he wanted more than friends. We've spent a couple of months together in which I've met some of his friends and family. He's met my kids. He declared love for me about a month into it and said I was special to him, he said he was so glad he's met me etc. He made me feel truly special. We recently spent the wk end together but he seemed a little distant during the week. I get a text from him saying was he reading too much into the lack of communication. I sent him a text the next day asking if his feeling had changed and that if so to just say instead of letting me down gently. He then hits me with a text saying he doesn't see it working long term for us. No apologies nothing. I told him I understood and thanks for saying. I was wondering why he'd say all that about loving me, knowing I had kids and then just dump me via a text. Is this guy confused or just a spineless coward. I'm truly gutted and don't know if I should let him just go?

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Most Helpful Guy

  • hi 41 close to my age,,, Run Dump him or slow down big time,, him fear i bet is kicking his butt an lots of confusion now he, s seeing the big picture i think we all guilty of it at first its lust, then hopefully love but its kinda been proven in studys aprox 3 months the lust an great sex slows down an the bigger picture an thinking, the fears, confusion of kids moneys commentments i bet there so many things going on between his ears maybe give it time sounds like he needs it an if your worth it he well figure things out... whats the saying first three month is lust then reality kicks in

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    • I was thinking this too.. because he knew I had kids from the off and our sex had been very good. I really thought he was happy. But after the wk end I dropped him off some tablets as he'd had back pain and never heard from until I realised the next day I'd missed a night text from him and he was off the following day asking me if everything was OK? I said yes and that's when he went distant on me. He texted me the following day to ask if he'd read too much into the lack of communication and I stupidly didn't reassure him. The next day he ends it with me eith the he wants long term and he doesn't think long term is going to work for us...

    • yep well im to old for this site looks like 18 to 24 an some younger dammmm LOL what am i doin here LOL

    • Yer at 41 me and he 45 you'd be done with the messing about...

Most Helpful Girl

  • Why did you not say that he should not be reading into lack of communication? It seemed as if he was worried that you were backing off so maybe he was trying to protect himself or beat you to the punch. If you did and just left that out then I would say that it always seems guys are really into someone at first then they get scared or see things they actually do not like and then they leave. Women seem to be a little more cautious and then decide to let their guards down and start liking someone after a little while. At least in my experience, it seems by the time I decide I like someone, they are backing off. So, maybe that is what happened.

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What Guys Said 3

  • So do I have the correlation right. you spent the weekend together (e. g. sex) and after that he lost interest? he seemed a little distant during the week... like he was already backing away before that?
    What was the lack of communication?

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    • We hadn't really texted much and he asked if he was reading too much into the lack of communication, then dumps me the next day saying he doesn't see it lasting long term...

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    • Yes I feel very foolish for allowing him to tell me these things only to let it all go. I couldn't understand why he'd spent the wk end with me if he felt this way. For me it now feels too painful to reach out to him with the fear of a 2nd rejection. Moving on seems my only option but I now feel I don't want to try and meet anyone else ever again as it ends in such disappointment..

    • I get the feelings. take time to heal... I was there to some degree last year.
      Get a relationship counselor to talk stuff through. Learn all the lessons you can from it about yourself, about others. There are big lessons in this you can take forward...
      I found writing to be the most effective way to get those feelings out. maybe write a letter to him and tear it up, or send it. whatever... but I'd get a counseor involved for external perspective.
      you'll feel healthy again... it takes time. The bonding chemicals within us are awsome on one side and terrible on the other. They are just that... bonding chemicals.

  • Confused with issues. Sometimes when people say "I love you" it's more of a instinct than a heart felt declaration. I can't say what his relationship background was like but he may just think he's not in the right mindset to be the man he thinks you need him to be.

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  • Well he broke up with you by text because he didn't have the courage to face you. I think he took his time to understand what he wanted and maybe realized that you are not the girl for him.

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What Girls Said 4

  • It's very painful when someone makes you feel so special one day, then so unloved and unwanted the next. 💔

    He may have meant it at the time, when he said he loved you and cared about you, but i just think sometimes people's needs and wants change so then their feelings towards you change.

    It's best to let him go if he doesn't really want to stay. All you can do is try to move on from him.

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  • Just let him go. Men lie all the time. I once had a guy tell me he love me, wants to marry me and have his child. Then the next day he said to lose his number. LOL. Some men like talking out of their a$$ and saying $hit they think we want to hear. Never trust their words, only their actions. You dodged a major bullet with this one. Forget him, let's celebrate his departure. =) xoxoxoxoxo

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  • You've taken things with him fast. You could have actually told him to slow it down and think about it. A quick gratification you had given him was the wrong option. Taken things slowly would've helped a strong relationship between the both of you developing. we get so captivated by the person's appearance that we happen to not also see them as they truly are, but also be oblivious to their negative qualities, and putting them on pedestal. You can help him to understand that you both had made a mistake by taking things fast, and that we should take things more slowly by getting to know each other better. Giving some distance would also be required since I'm sure you've both spent too much time together. Never stop what you usually do whether it'll be a hobby, a care routine.. etc by being drifted away from the persons presence. Value and respect yourself.

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  • He wasn't that into you!

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