How do I be just his friend?

My ex and I still love each other and we want to work it our issues but start over as friends and build from the ground up we have vowed to each other that we won't date or hook up with anyone... How do I be just his friend and still build a new relationship with him?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • You might be screwed.

    The reason these things don't work the second time around is because it requires both people to become different people. And the odds of you both changing are incredibly low.

    All we can ever hope to change is ourselves.

    Clinging on to a failed relationship is like clinging onto floating boards after the ship has sank... with the hopes of finding more scraps to rebuild into a new ship.

    You need to abandon ship, find the shore and get yourself safe, settled and rejuvenated before trying to "build a new relationship" with someone... especially someone that already doesn't work with you.

    Saying you still "love" him is NO reason to try to make it work.

    I still LOVE pizza and candy and chips... but they're bad for me.

    Love him all you like... but from a distance.

    Feelings aren't facts. You have to make choices that are GOOD for your heart, not just because you still "love" someone. Love yourself enough to keep yourself safe.

    Look at how many women stay in abusive relationships because they still "love" their partner... but they forget to love themselves enough to keep themselves safe.

    Don't waste time desperate to make an old relationship work (when it's already broken) when there's millions and millions of great guys worth meeting.

    But that's just my opinion. :P

    ~ Robby

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Are you sure you want to go back to him? Sometimes people become exes for a reason. But if you want to give it another shot, stay away from situations that would cause you and him to become intimate. Like, don't invite him over to your place, don't go over his. Meet in a public place, go bowling, go for ice cream, go to a park and feed the ducks. Also, who made the first vow not to hook up with anyone? Did he suggest that first, or did you? Weigh the pros and cons of getting back with him. Is it really love, or is it just lust?

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What Guys Said 6

  • have kids together? how long? are you wanting to start over or just be friends?
    real question... are the feelings of romantic/sexual still there?
    I say get a counselor no matter what... cause you made each other "ex" for a reason...

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  • There is no "ground" to get "up" from". Everything expands, and your relationship is already expanded because you've been together before.

    You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. Love is love, so just express it if it's there. It sounds like what you want is to get to know each other, so do that. If you want to do nice activities together, do that.

    Just don't try to "start over" because it's an illusion.

    C

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  • you just maintain a platonic relationship. no romantic stuff. basically the same type of relationship you have with your male and female friends should be the way your relationship with your ex is handled

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  • Let me see if I understand this. Do you want to only be his friend forever, or do you want something more or else? If the relationship did not work once, there will likely be problems the second time around. You might even need to reevaluate, check, and consider that the vows you made are ineffective. If you only want friendship and nothing else permanently, you should tell him that. If you want to work up from friendship to romantic/dating/couple relationship, then you should recognize it may be impossible to repeat the same scenario again, especially if it did not work the first time, (and why would you want to repeat that?). Simply, just friends forever, or something more?

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  • You can't. Lol y'all should just start from dating

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  • he has frieds he doesn't need a boring kant... .

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What Girls Said 4

  • I wouldn't! This is why I have a little rule about guys in general... Love them from a distance up close you'll realize they were ugly, dishonest, empathic, self centered, and immature or taken great guys... etc. I rather admire a guy from afar. lol They would never know and I am okay with that (:

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  • I get where you are coming from I just went through this same issue with my ex boyfriend.

    You can't just be friends if you have feelings for one another... if you both aren't going to see other people, are both willing to work on the issues that failed your relationship and personal issues that will make you both better people then why not do it together? Casually date and take it SLOW. If change is likely why not make those changes now TOGETHER instead of wasting time being 'friends.' If these changes can't be made TOGETHER or you are better of making these changes alone then you are better of going your separate ways now. You can always come back together naturally later down the track once you have both made those personal changes.

    Best of luck.

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  • well first you need some time away. i have never seen anything like what you are suggesting work.

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  • You can't push a " reset" button on life.
    Things as first impression , experience , history with someone counts and will be engraved in the mind.
    You ended up being Ex for a reason so after being so intimate it's hard to stay friends or rebuild a relationship.
    People do change over time but not to the point that they'd be a different person a more pleasant one to have this time a great relationship with.
    There are enough great guys that can rocj your world !
    You should love yourself and think you deserve someone that loves you back.

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