Should I dump my boyfriend because he doesn't find me attractive?

This kinda bothers me but in the beginning when he was chasing me, he would tell me I'm beautiful and cute. That made me believed that I was beautiful and cute and it bolstered my self esteem so much. But a while ago, I found out that he had lied to me about finding me beautiful. He said that in the beginning, he didn't find me that pretty at all. That really made me mad because he shouldn't have let those words out and have me false confidence if he didn't mean it. I tried telling him how big of a deal it was to not fake compliment me but he acts like its no big deal. But it hurts me inside and I can never believe it when he tells me I'm beautiful anymore.

I told him not to do it again; giving me that false sense of confidence and he was like okay. But he would still keep calling me beautiful sometimes and that pissed me off again and I called him out on it. He told me that why can't he call me beautiful when he mean it? That really made me mad because he obviously didn't mean it again. If he didn't found me physically attractive in the beginning, why would he find me physically attractive now? I know he's lying. A person just doesn't go from a 3 to an 8 all of a sudden.

I told him that I would never believe him if he calls me beautiful again and that I would rather believe other guys who compliment me, and he said "ok I don't care, I just want to compliment you when I feel like it".

I want a guy who truly finds me beautiful, not just because of my personality or anything, but about my physical appearance. I want him to feel like the luckiest guy ever when he's with me. But my boyfriend apparently doesn't find me as his ideal. I keep thinking of all the girls who could potentially be his ideal and I find that our relationship may not be stable because he may dump me and go for another girl.

beauty is subjective of course. There are plenty of guys out there who has find me beautiful/gorgeous. I feel like I might be much happier with these guys.

Updates:
So my question is, should I dump him? I want a stable relationship and physical appearance plays a big part of it. He deserves to be with a girl he finds beautiful and I deserve someone who finds me truly beautiful.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Two things I'm going to point out.
    1. He doesn't care much for being in a relationship and you're not different from any other friend. Or maybe he's just leading you on. I don't believe this is the case. You don't tell people you're leading on that you lied to them in the beginning but now you do find them attractive.
    2. He really didn't find you attractive at first but his views changed and he ended up finding you attractive.

    The problem here is that you seem to think it's impossible for someone's views to change which is really wrong. I've gone from 100 to 50 for some people and vice versa for some other based on other qualities they had. Beauty is not affected only by the physical. There are chemical, mental, and situational (even cultural) affects as well. Most of the time, the only picture you can completely see and judge on is the physical but eventually, emotions start to affect your views, intellect, even you start to change.

    Sounds like you're more angry about the fact that he lied but you are also concluding that he does not think you're beautiful. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying he does think you're beautiful, but if that is the real reason you are breaking up with him, shouldn't you confirm and base your inquiries on a more appropriate justification? If you break up with him because he lied, that's your cup of tea, everyone has, an should have, their standards. Of course, it won't be the first time a guy has lied to woo a girl either.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Yes, in my opinion you should dump him or else your self esteem will be at an all time low in no time. Why would you want to be with a man that doesn't appreciate every inch of you? you should be with a man that feels lucky to have you. Looks mean a lot to me too, i've worked hard on how i look and if a guy just doesn't appreciate what i got i would never be with him.

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    • I agree with you 100%. I am going to leave him. It will be better for both of us.

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What Guys Said 5

  • Trust is broken here, there is nothing he can do, nor should he really. It sounds like he was leading you on.

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    • Yeah Ever since I found out, I always get this feeling like he's settling and it took a tow on my self esteem. If he didn't find me pretty in the beginning, he should've never said a word. I would've appreciate it more if he told me that he was attracted to other qualities that I possessed, like my personality and intelligence. However, him false complimenting me on my appearance resulted in me with a self esteem lower than usual. I believe a relationship should not result in a low self esteem, that is extremely not healthy

  • So you have a problem with you being called beautiful? He should stop calling you beautiful at all and let's see how do you like that.

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    • I think I would much prefer that. But we've already broked up so it doesn't matter

  • Wouldn't you want someone who appreciates your personality over everything? Looks fade away but your character won't.

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    • I also want someone who can fuck me like there's no tomorrow without losing his erection all the time because he doesn't find me attractive. I want someone who can stare into my eyes during sex. I want someone who will hold and kiss every inch of my body because he loves it. So yes, having my partner finding me physically attractive is extremely important

    • Well you seem like you want everything from a guy and I feel you will never have a balanced relationship. Good luck and I suggest he breaks up with you.

    • I don't want everything in a guy. Sex is important to me.

  • if you were my girlfriend, i would always tell you that you are the most beautiful girl for me:)

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  • lol at all these female vanity nonsense. so you are not happy if he just likes your character? (by the way i see no character)... .

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    • You don't know me so you don't know my character. /thread

    • i know you are an insecure, egotistical, shalow girl. do i need to know more?

    • How am I shallow? /thread

What Girls Said 3

  • You know personality goes a long way than looks. He told you he wants to tell you your beautiful and says he means it. Just say thank you and smile. But if it really bothers you because he acts like he doesn't care then leave. Or put your point across more.

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  • i dont get why he's still with u if he doesn't find u attractive, and i dont get why ur still with him if he isn't willing to compliment u unless he 'feels like it'.

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  • Really, he was an idiot to even say that to you. Why tell a girl you don't find her beautiful and make her feel lied to? Like really, he should have just left it alone. Why stir the pot?

    I'm sorry that this happened to you. But it sounds like he's kind of an idiot. Why would he tell you he lied? Why did he even have to say that?

    I agree he should like you for your personality too. But I'm kind of confused as to why he felt the need to tell you about the lie he told you. Like I guess he wanted to be honest, but did he not think about how knowing he lied would make you feel? Why lie in the first place? Something's just not adding up :S

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